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Original poster

this hurts :(

36 replies

mieow · 28/05/2003 23:01

Today was our niece's 5th birthday, she was having a party at the
local ball park (which connors loves) About 4 weeks ago, SIL asked
MIL if Connor could manage the slides etc and she said she would
find out, of course we said that Connor could manage and enjoyed the
last party he went to there. Well, no invite turned up, SIl never
phoned us and hubby is p**sed. She finally phoned up TODAY at 12,
asking us what we were doing, I said that we had been out and that
connor was feeling a bit off (he had just woken up as he fell asleep
in the car) but i thought he was fine, "ok" she said "we have to get
the kids together at the weekend" no mention of the party again.
This has bugged me all day. I can't believe that she wouldn't invite
Connor because of his CP........ it hurts.

OP posts:
maryz · 28/05/2003 23:30

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lou33 · 29/05/2003 00:47

I'm not surprised it hurts mieow, I would be feeling exactly the same. Maybe you should give her a call and find out where this has all gone so wrong? It's hard enough having to deal with idiots in the street, so must be doubly hard to get this attitude from family. Much love and support to you.

eidsvold · 29/05/2003 07:57

I too would be feeling very hurt. I would simply ask on the weekend ( being all innocent) did they decide not to go ahead with niece's birthday and that it was such a shame your son missed out on going to the ball park as he was really looking forward to it.

Tissy · 29/05/2003 08:04

Are you sure the party actually happened? It sounds as if she was planning to include him originally, so maybe it didn't come off?

steppemum · 29/05/2003 08:09

Oh, mieow, that's really sad. What a shame they didn't talk to you about whether your ds would enjoy it and like to come
Can you talk to her? Seems like you have to catch this attitude now for your ds's sake. My guess is they (mistakenly) didn't want to put ds in a awkward situation. Is that possible? Can you talk to her or is that not a possibility? Could your MIL talk to her? Poor you, not a nice situation

Original poster
mieow · 29/05/2003 08:10

Even if Connor was in a wheelchair it would have been nice to have been asked, as it is, he isn't and isn't actually majorally affected by the CP, he tires easily and is a bit slow but thats it. He dribbles still and his cousin doesn't like that. She is a little cow too though. My MIL looks after them when their mum to at work and she tells me everything that said and on tuesday DN was saying who she had invited and said that connor wasn't invited. My BIL said to her that she was really nasty.
I wouldn't have minded too much but on Connors 5th birthday in december we had a party at the toddler version of the ball park (they take children up to 110cm) and we invited her and she came. I suppose now they will say that they were going to invite him yesterday but I said he had a headache.

OP posts:
Original poster
mieow · 29/05/2003 08:10

oh yes it happened..........

OP posts:
Jimjams · 29/05/2003 08:48

What a cow!!! I'd be very upset!

doormat · 29/05/2003 08:52

mieow,you must be really ped off at the moment. As you know my son is in a wheelchair but I could not see anyone exclude him and even though he cant do anything for himself. If he was ever left out I would be ped off too!!!
I would ask your SIL the reason why. Is your dh and her dh brothers if so could they not sort it out. Maybe there has been a communication glitch somewhere.
I do know that cross communication happens at times like this when my other ds had his 1st birthday party last year I noticed that 2 nephews were not here. (It was an open invitation to all and I asked MIL to tell all nieces and nephews to come)I asked MIL where they were and she said that she forgot to let them know about the party, so I phoned up SIL and asked her if they wanted to come, she said that she knew nothing about the party and by time she got here it would be all over.I felt so guilty as I should of invited them personally. Could she of been doing this when phoning you yesterday?????? with you saying that your ds was a bit off but o.k she decided to leave him alone.It is no excuse still but it may be a possible reason.
I'm sorry if I seem to be going on a bit but I am trying to think of reasons as to why. I just cant imagine your ds being deliberately left out. Let us know how you get on.

SueW · 29/05/2003 08:57

doormat, we have this sort of communication (or lack of) in our family. I tend to get the news last of all of any family parties that are going on. Or it is assumed that I know that on x date, such and such will be happening and there is an open invitation to turn up. If I've already made other plans, not having realised the dates clash, there are a few barbed comments.

Original poster
mieow · 29/05/2003 09:34

No its DH's sister thats what makes it worse. I believe that BIL would have said that Connor should come as he loves him tons

OP posts:
Original poster
mieow · 29/05/2003 09:40

Every year till now they have a small party at their house and Connor has always been invited and they always sent invites out, even to us, so I can't imagine that she wouldn't have sent out invites especially as you have to pay 7pounds per child, and you don't get a refund. So Connor was never on the short list.

OP posts:
doormat · 29/05/2003 09:42

Could they not sort it out between them ?

doormat · 29/05/2003 09:44

Sorry posts crossed. Do you mean that she deliberately left your ds out because of £7. Or am I taking it the wrong way???????

Original poster
mieow · 29/05/2003 09:47

No, she left out him because of his CP, she didn't think he could manage.

OP posts:
doormat · 29/05/2003 09:52

That is very sad isn't it. Being parents of children with special needs it is hard enough as it is without this going on. People are so very narrow minded aren't they ? and also cruel without realising the hurt they cause sometimes. Cyberhugs to you and your ds.

Batters · 29/05/2003 10:31

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sis · 29/05/2003 10:50

Oh mieow this is really awful! don't know what to say to make it better for you and your ds as I too would be seriously pissed off. Not sure if I could stay calm if I did mention it to sil but also not sure if I could let it go withour saying something!

Oh sod it, take ds to the ball park instead of going to see your sil this weekend - remember to cancel at the very last minute.

lou33 · 29/05/2003 11:39

Mieow don't even cancel just don't turn up.

I just can't understand why she would do such a thing. I would be devastated if my rellys did anything like that. And angry.

I think you should confront her about it though, maybe not now while things are so raw, but when you feel able to deal with it.

Makes me feel very tearful on your behalf just thinking about it actually.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2003 11:59

Do you think your MIL passed on the wrong message to your SIL about whether your DS could cope or not?

WideWebWitch · 29/05/2003 12:08

Oh Mieow, agree with the others, what an old bag she must be. I definitely wouldn't turn up at the weekend either.

Rhubarb · 29/05/2003 15:53

Sorry Miaow, you have had it crap haven't you? I fully sympathise with inconsiderate family members, I really do. If your niece is as bad as her mother, perhaps it would be best if you only maintained minimal contact with them. I find that I can cope just fine on my own, but as soon as my mum or sister contact me, they manage to say something to upset me. People never change I'm afraid and that's really hard to accept. Let's face it, we shouldn't have to accept it should we? But just be grateful that you are not as ignorant or selfish as she is, and that your children will grow up to be less judgemental and more tolerant of people. It is her life that is empty and sad, not yours.
Put on a brave face and perhaps book a place at the ball park for Connor and his friends as a special treat for him. Be sure that sil knows too! Show her what a full life he leads and that you can have lots of fun without having to rely on her invites. She's unimportant, treasure what you do have.

ThomCat · 29/05/2003 17:15

Oh Miaow that's rubbish. You must feel awful, but when you feel a bit less down about you and your son being excluded, perhaps you should sit her down and have a polite, quiet, educational type word. Just tell her that everyone else out there puts the label 'special need' on your child and you don't need family to treat him differently in a way that excluded him like that. Ask her what she was worried about and put her straight ona few areas she's obviously not clear on so you little boy doesn't ever get excluded like that again. Good luck, I hope you sort it out with her. Sorry she made you feel so sad, neither of you deserve that from anyone, least of all family. Big hug to you from me.

MABS · 29/05/2003 17:52

What a btch, I agree the with the others though. When you feel a bit stronger sit her down and tell her a few facts. I had problems with relatives too, I contacted Scope, who sent me leaflets about 'how to explain to relatives' and I put it through their door. It dodn't actually work cos they were offended and we had a huge row....but it brought things out in the open . Take care.

robinw · 29/05/2003 18:37

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