freaking out here, hope someone can help...

[leelee39]

Hi,

Not sure if anyone remembers me. I have posted here several times and you've all been SOOOO helpful! I tend to get neurotic about ds's development (he's now 25 months) periodically. Usually, he outgrows whatever it is. I have had him evaluated. No one (so far) has been concerned about him

He is very verbal. He's social, engaged, etc. He feeds himself, plays appropriately with toys. Nice pretend play too.

There are 2 things that are getting me freaked out. He's starting to talk in more and more little sentences (instead of 2 or 3 word phrases), which I know is good. However, he is reversing the pronouns I and you, occasionally saying "you want juice? please" when he means "i want juice," or "pick you up" instead of "pick me up." I have read that this is a sign.

Should I be concerned? How common is this at 2? And WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT? I've been correcting him gently, a little. And now sometimes hes ays "I want like "I want mommy." He also says "I got a boo-boo"

But mostly it's you. "You did it!" It's like he says what he expects me to say to him sometimes.

He is responsive to questions, etc., unless he's really super invovled with something and then he might ignore me for a moment. But for the most part he answers and doesn't just repeat. He makes his needs known, describes things, etc. Just freaked about the pronouns.

ALSO, PLEASE HELP ME ON THIS ONE. Ds has known his colors, shapes, letters and #s since about 18 months. But all of a sudden, he seems to have forgotten most letters. He's mixing them up. I'll say waht's this and he'll tell me the wrong thing. It's like he used to know them but he forgot or something. I am panicked that he lost this skill. He does seem to be focusing more and throwing and catching and hand-oriented things. And I do see some improvements (minor ones) in this area. But how does a kid just FORGET something they've known really well for a really long time? I AM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THIS ONE.

I know it doesn't matter if a 2 year old knows his letters. But how could he used to know them and now forget them?

Should I be worried? Any advice?

Also, ds just got glasses for farsightedness, so I am wondering if the letter thing could be related to a visual thing? But that would be strange because he is recognizing everything else it seems so far. It's just the letters....

He looked at a B today and I said what's that and he said "G." B and G look nothing alike and he used to know this stuff like the back of his hand. He would call out random letters he saw places.....

"But there's this little voice in my head that keeps reminding me off all the ways in which ds's development differed from the normal "timeline" expressive blossomed before receptive, speech before gesturing. Now some things have evened out"

NO CHILD FOLLOWS A TIMELINE!! As you say yourself, eventually he has developed in all areas, just some come before others. Your son is perfectly normal and his only problem could be that if his mother doesn't chill out he may become a little boy afraid to do anything in case it worries his mum that its not on the "timeline"

Let your child be a child. Enjoy your child. Please stop obsessing about what he is and isn't doing.

Its not unusual at all to have forgotton things he seemingly used to know. Normally this is because it tends to be a clever trick people have taught them and then once the novelty wears off its forgotton. At 18mths my dd would read out the letters of her name as i wrote them. This is cos she was just getting into drawing and i obviously wrote her name a lot! Now at 2.5 she prefers to colour in pictures or paint, so i do less of the "writing" and surprise surprise she can't remember her name anymore.

Sorry to rant but it infuriates me to think you probably have a gorgeous healthy boy and i think it is so sad you cannot be proud and enjoy him for what he is rather than drag him round to consultants begging for a diagnosis.

Leelee, I am not aware of anyone who has posted on this board and had their worries dismissed and then turned out to be correct. can you point these out to us? And I take great offence at that as I don't believe its true. If you don't like the answers then don't ask the questions. You are asking us because of our experience so why won't you listen to anyone?
I'm not saying there is nothing wrong with your chld categorically, its just that you don't seem to have much reason for concern right now so stop obsessing.

Davros- I think she means people like me who's concerns were dismissed by professionals (not us!). Actually I'm thinking of training to be a something...... professional..... because I know a lot more than most (not all- definitely not all) that I meet. Would mean binning homeopathy, which I think might be better for the soul. Might start a thread later.

Fwiw- I do think leelee was perhaps right to have some concerns earlier, but not now- he souns fine. leelee- your son may be a bit like my ds2- he was diagnosed with a speech disorder (not language) at 2 and a half as his speech was all over the place. (i mean shocking- the SALT's face was a picture). Then suddenly in the space of a week he sorted it asll out- and now it's completely normal. His development was very odd- but he is fine now- everyone now suspects he was copying his non-verbal brother who has a very limited range of sounds.

Please relax!

Lee, lee - I agree with Davros. I cannot think of one single person that has been dismissed and then found out there child does have something going on after all. I think many of us have gone out of our way to help people that come on here but please remember many of us have our own problems and need most of our energy supporting our own children. We are not professionals either. We are in this situation not out of choice but because we all share 1 thing and that is having a special needs child.
Remember this board is mainly for support and I find it rather insulting that you assume we should all reassure you. If you have any concerns I think behaviour and development would probably be your best port of call tbh.
Sorry if thats sounds harsh

Just remember this line from your first post on this thread. To me your ds sounds fine:-

"He is very verbal. He's social, engaged, etc. He feeds himself, plays appropriately with toys. Nice pretend play too."

I mean what more could you want???? Good luck!

leelee, it does sound like you're getting worked up too much over this. But hey, i remember what those pregnancy hormones can do. Your son sounds great, and imho is not doing anything obviously unusual for a two year old.

There are lots of stories about parents being told by doctors not to worry, but here in the UK that is becoming less common I think as the expertise improves. However, if you really, deep down, feel there's something wrong then that little voice is worth listening to - it's usually the mother who first realises there is a problem.

Your post has actually got me wondering what it is that you fear so much. I feel increasingly strongly about this, and I may get shot down in flames from other people here, but...........even if your son DID get a dx (highly unlikely I think), would it really matter that much? What difference would it make to you? If he was right on the very outermost tip of the spectrum..... He wouldn't have been diagnosed five years ago, the definition of the spectrum is expanding all the time. And that means there are thousands and thousands of people all around us who would now be considered to be 'on the spectrum' who are functioning fine, or more or less fine in the world.

That scenario is a world away from the children of some people on this special needs board, whose children don't have language and find the world a very difficult and scary place to be.

Yeah, that's a bit harsh, Leelee, suggesting that we've reassured people when there is something wrong. Jimjams- you should DEFINITELY train to be a professional in this field. You sould be fantastic. It would be so valuable for parents going forward to meet a professional who had such empathy. Mind you, I was speaking to a mum yesterday who is a teacher at a special school. She's just found out her son is autistic and feels that it will be too much for her to stay in the field (her DH is a nurse specialising in mental health). I keep thinking of retraining, maybe as a teacher. Would love to retrain as a SALT but really hard to get into and the training is in London so wouldn't work. Seems odd that it's SO hard to train as a SALT yet they are so short of them across the country. The kind of journalism I do seems so far away from my life and not 'hands on' enough.

not being funny but even if we have 'dismised' something, is that really our problem. there is only so much you can do through a computer screen ffs

I really don't thnk she's saying we dismissed her concerns- I think she's talking about the paed she saw...

JakB- there's SALT training locally- but full time. Am womdering whether to spend the next 3 years doing this course then doing SALT training/getting a research assistant post when ds3 goes to school. (both are possible locally). Would then look for part time term time job I guess.

Or I could stick with homeopathy. Which is goood for the soul.....

Leelee - I really can't think of anyone who has had their concerns dismissed on here and then gone on to get a dx. Even back when I was worrying about my ds2 no-one said that I was definitely worrying about nothing. People were very supportive on here and reassuring when I worried about him not pointing or talking, even when it was still relatively early for me to be worrying about such things. No-one said ds2 definitely was/wasn't autistic - it would be impossible to know just from reading posts on here.

Losing skills can be a sign of ASD but the bigger picture is far more important. If your ds is sociable, has good pretend play skills, can communicate well etc then the chances are that he is absolutely fine. My ds2 'lost' his words. Looking at the bigger picture of no play skills, no communication skills, obsessions with circles and spinning etc it was likely that something could be wrong.

FWIW my ds1 and ds2 go through phases of 'forgetting' things. It's usually when they're tired of doing those things. They usually go back to them at some point in the future.

Oops. Took me so long to post while fending off ds2 that I missed Jimjams' cough.

Jimjams, looks like a great plan. Course looks great to be doing something in that direction while Ds2 and Ds3 are pre-school age. I think you would make a most excellent and inspiring SALT and there are only a few places in the Uk to train so if there is provision locally, it must be fate! How far into your homoepathy training are you? Could you carry on with that (like you say, good for the soul) too? Or too much? Maybe not as a final career, but to have in your armour and for your own Ds's?

I couldn't really carry on with training to be a practicitoner. I'm not very far into the course, I've been going to study days and reading but haven't written much (been reading too much about autism). Ho hum- bit of a crossroads and don't know what to do. The SALT place is having an open day sooon so I may pop along to find out the practicalities of training (obviously no after school care available for ds1 so may not even be an option).

I was chatting with ds1's old private SALT (who is excellent) and she was ssaying the problem for a lot of NHS therapists (not just in SALT in other disciplines) is that they don't have the time to have enough hands on experience with children. They know the theory but then they adjust a child's behaviour to fit with what they know about autism. She always recounts the time she visited ds1 in his mainstream school with his NHS SALT, Ds1 saw her, grinnned and climbed straight on her lap to give her a cuddle. The NHS SALT was blown away- she didn't even realise that autistic children could do that (definitelty not ones as non - verbal as ds1). Obviously exposure to autistic children is something I have plenty of The same NHS SALT (who I actually think is as good as her job allowes her to be- and she's very caring) told me she couldn;t do any work with ds1 (and nor could anyone else) as he wasn't interested in anything. private SALT (with lots of hands on experience) got busy making games which involved washing machines (PUT THE SOCK IN THE WASHING MACHINE- then PUT THE RED SOCK IN THE WASHING MACHINE) - you get the idea!

But then homeopathy is good for the soul...... Really I would like to do both- but there are not enough hours in the day.....

You know my view, dump the homeopathy, its mumbo jumbo I wish I was clever enough, less lazy, better qualified to think of doing something more constructive.
Oh yes, I see what you mean about the "concerns being dismissed" comment, overreact, moi?

jimjams follow your heart and do something that will work well for you all as a family

ROFL Davros But mumbo jumbo is very relaxing...... and peaceful..... and organic...... and there's lots of armchair psychology which I like.

Am trying to get hold someone I know (who I like but don't know well enough to call a friend iyswim) as I think she's doing SALT this year. She has 3 kids- one on the spectrum at a special school so I'm wondering how she'll manage it....

Please note that mega bitch Jimjams (as I was described on a certain other list following the infamous cow thread) was reining you all in! hee hee- or at least trying to!

Just wanted to say that there are people - I thought on this board, perhaps on babycenter.com - who had worries that were dismissed by DOCTORS, THERAPISTS, etc., that turned out to be real, and they later received dx.

Why would anyone come to a board for a dx? Or for reassurance? This is ridiculous. I come to see if anything I feel or observe rings true or familiar for anyone who has experienced a dx, or if anyone thinks I should seek another evaluation, or if there are specific things someone would recommend my asking about or looking into.

In 2 years, I have had ds evaluated 3 times. I do not drag around my child and waste doctors' times. And I certainly try not to upset ds who is largely a happy child (if a bit in the throes of the terrible 2s / new sibling coming period).

Also, ds was crossing one of his eyes and just needed to get glasses which is pissing him off and he flung them out of the stroller yesterday and they were lost. So now, as his eyes had become reliant on them in all of 3 days, he is crossing all the time, and the new pair won't be ready for 2 more days. The crossing makes them see double, by the way, so he is all out of sorts which doesn't help anything.

Again, I thank those of you who responded to me with your thoughts / opinions. I apologize to those of you I have offended. I probably won't post on mumsnet again, if it makes any of you feel any better. It seems that I have offended - and that I also was offended. So farewell all.

I have stayed away from posting on this thread.....BUT here goes.....

ENJOY YOUR CHILD FOR WHO HE IS AND NOT FOR WHAT YOU WANT HIM TO BE......it will save you a hell of a lot of worry and TBH if my J at 9, could achieve just one of the things you ds can do now at age 2, then I would be a very happy mummy.

I understand that your concerns are real to you....but if the professional that you have paid to see all acknowledge that your ds is developing fine....then believe them and stop worrying so much.

Concentrate on having fun and enjoying your child, wonder at all the things he can acheive and try and relax.

jimjams, what cant you do

you are amazing.