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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

So how did you meet your RL sn parent friends?

56 replies

meltedmarsbars · 13/05/2009 22:03

I met my oldest sn friend at a swimming pool with her sn dd1 aged about 10, my sn dd2 was about 9months and still without diagnosis. I've met others through portage and physio groups but not really through the sn school - because our kids are bussed there so there's no "school gate" moment.

How did you meet your sn rl friends?

OP posts:

sphil · 13/05/2009 22:56

Parents' support group, OT course, Earlybird, Hanen course (although most of these are the same people! ) I met MrsT, (who I regard as a RL friend though we meet mostly in cyberspace) at a Growing Minds course.

donkeyderby · 13/05/2009 23:16

I've met very few parents through SN school. I really feel that sn schools should realise the isolation caused by the lack of 'school gate' contact and feel responsible enough to do something about it. No support groups and no place to meet in over a decade with DS, and I'm in a city. I have to admit that I've been terribly lonely and isolated at times, which never helps when you are parenting a challenging child. I have a couple of friends with older children (now adults), but TBH, they have had such unbelievably hard experiences, they both have drink problems.

However, I have now met a good group via a new parent-led support group. At last! I feel very let down by professionals and our parent-partnership group which seems to focus on EBD and kids in mainstream school and don't ever ask parents what they want/need.

Pixel · 14/05/2009 00:56

Our school has tried to combat the 'lack of school-gate gossip' problem by having a coffee morning every half term for the parents to meet up and chat. So now I can at least recognise the faces! I wouldn't say they were friends though, we've never met up outside school and I wouldn't even know how to get in touch with any of them.

I only know one other parent with SN children, but I only know her because we keep our horses in the same field, not really anything to do with the children (although she's letting ds ride her kids' pony ).

r3dh3d · 14/05/2009 07:14

I only know one other parent with a SN kid. We met on another forum (a non-SN one) before her kid was diagnosed and were sort of friendly acquaintances. But have found we have loads more in common now of course.

sarah293 · 14/05/2009 08:34

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bubblagirl · 14/05/2009 08:54

i dont really have any friends with children with sn i have people i talk to at sn group but not friends

dont have many rl friends at all in all honesty only people i say hello to have small talk with

most of my friends are virtual on here i get more help than from my rl friends with nt children

bubblagirl · 14/05/2009 08:55

i sound like a right loner lol but in honesty i do spend alot of time on my own never mind im not sad about it

geekgirl · 14/05/2009 09:06

I met my oldest sn friend in Sainsbury's - she was pushing a trolley with a very little boy with DS in it who looked about dd2's age, so I took the plunge and sauntered up to her and asked her if her son had DS, and that I too have a dd with DS. We very quickly established that they had both been born on the same day (on average two children are born with DS every day in the UK - fancy meeting the other one!) and with the same set of heart defects.
My other sn friends had children in the same sn nursery that dd2 went to briefly - there was a very small group of us who didn't use transport. I have also met another good friend through a parents' group (also SN).
To be honest all my closest friends are parents of children with SN. I am good friends with some of the mums from the m/s school all mine go to, but my 'best' friends are mums of children with SN.

PheasantPlucker · 14/05/2009 09:09

Initially I went to an 'Opportunities Group' run by portage.

I met a friend who has a son with SEN at a similar group in the next borough. (Under 5s group)

I met a lady who had a son with downs at the local shop, and found she lived 5 mins walk away.

I met a fab mum via the school my dd goes too.

I met a few other really nice people via an internet site.

I met a few people at the CDC at our local hospital.

DD is now 8.

glitteryb6 · 14/05/2009 10:49

have met a few good friends through ds's conductive education nursery, most are coming to his birthday party on Sunday (14 kids, 10 in wheelchairs at the bowling...that'll be fun!)
dont have any non SN friends going to be honest.
my best friend from school days has fell away a bit since she had a baby last year, we just dont "get" each other anymore which is sad but inevitable i suppose going on other SN mums experiences.

Widemouthfrog · 14/05/2009 11:46

I met friends through earlybird, and the local NAS branch. Also another parent of a child with ASD at the same MS school.
Actually I was joking last week that I must be on the 'autism circuit' now as I seem to keep bumping into the same faces at various events.

Original poster

meltedmarsbars · 14/05/2009 13:35

Quite a few of us seem to struggle because the lack of school gate opportunities - our sn school has realised this and also holds coffee mornings now like yours, Pixel, maybe more should.

Sphil whats growing minds?

bubblagirl isn't small talk what we all do with friends?

Geekgirl great courage!! That first word is the hardest!

Glittery6 good luck, run riot and have fun! We're considering the ice rink in wheelchairs for our dd2's next b'day.

Widemouthfrog I see what you mean about a "circuit" - I seem to see the same faces at events I go to here!

So whats the best thing to do about getting friends who share some of the same things as us, or is itnot important whether your friends have sn kids or not?

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FioFio · 14/05/2009 13:41

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glitteryb6 · 14/05/2009 13:51

meltedmarsbars, i wanted the ice rink too but they said they dont hire it out for private parties

Original poster

meltedmarsbars · 14/05/2009 13:54

We're not hiring it all (there is a credit crunch on!) but I will take 2 cars of us and friends to the special wheelchair session. I have to find somewhere where the able-bodied ones can't run off and play without dd2, who is completely wh/ch bound, so we have had steam train and canal boat. And the ice rink is an enclosed space. D'you think it will work?

OP posts:

troutpout · 14/05/2009 13:57

On an autism support and developement team course.
Also met another at a crossroads meeting

bubblagirl · 14/05/2009 14:05

yes it is what we do with friends but then everyone else at pre school get invited out with dc and myself and ds havent been asked once yet i have asked a few round for play dates but none have come

i do have quite few i talk to but i see the others becoming closer arranging to go places

i got asked my ds name by one mum as she forgot and was doing b day invites at end of the day my ds was the only one who didnt get one

i miss being able to really talk girly or just to offload i do feel lonely alot of the time

apart from on here but then its not rl

pagwatch · 14/05/2009 14:05

I don't actually have many SN parent friends. There is a mum of one of the boys n DS2's class that I really like and we catch up at special assemblies etc and occasionally bump into each other when in local town nut that is it.
I tend to just make friends locally and they have to get their geads around DS2 or sod off.
I have never felt any particular kinship with similar parents TBH - when I tried to find friends at DS2s school it usually backfired - I ended up supporting them and that was too much for me.
I prefer to just make friends who I can support when they are fighting witrh their DH or their DCs are being a pain. And they can support me when I am fighting with my mother and DS2 is having atrickt patch.

It works for me [grin[

Original poster

meltedmarsbars · 14/05/2009 14:18

bubblagirl - I've had the oppposite from our mainstream sch, where my dd2 goes 2 days a week - she gets more party invites than any of her siblings, but she is extra-sociable. She's been in the same class for 3 years now and its a small school - 60 kids total.

OP posts:

glitteryb6 · 14/05/2009 14:25

meltedmarsbars, that sounds good, i think the one i was looking at in Glasgow is enclosed and does wheelchair sessions too but i'd never been in it so didnt know how big it was and how many people would be there and if it was an open session, if the party group would be all over the place IYKWIM?

Original poster

meltedmarsbars · 14/05/2009 14:28

Why don't you ring them up or go do a recce?

I always need prodding to get out of my comfort zone!

btw i used to work in Cathcart!

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 14/05/2009 14:31

erm mumsnet? there a few kids in my DS's class with SN (got talking to one mum because she saw SALT coming in for DS, and she wondered if it was physio like her DS had), and recently class teacher accidentally let slip that one of the other kids in my DS's class had previously (now discharged) been seen by the same SALT as DS had - so not enough to really form a friendship with either of these parents iyswim. somehow I tend to find it so much easier to get to know people initially online than in real life.

glitteryb6 · 14/05/2009 14:33

yeah i'm trying to encourage a small contingent from the SN nursery to scope it out!

ooh not too far from me im in the outskirts in Uddingston!

Original poster

meltedmarsbars · 14/05/2009 14:45

I grew up in lanarkshire, but live down south now.

OP posts:

glitteryb6 · 14/05/2009 20:05

bizzaree, i never knew why but the mars bars part of your name has always screamed scotland to me, must be the deep fried thing

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