The non-verbal stuff doesn't bother me tbh- it;s the lack of ability I have to explain to him when he gets the wrong idea. For example 2 days ago he got the idea that he was going back to school tomorrow (throw away comment made by me, which I knew as soon as I opened my mouth that I shouldn't have said) & I have spent the last 2 days trying to correct it. Trying different ways of getting through to him that he is going back to school NEXT Tuesday, not tomorrow. I have no idea whether he understands that, but if I haven't managed to communicate that to him (and I know at 7pm he was still thinking tomorrow) then we are going to have screaming all day long tomorrow. And there will be nothing I can do about it and nothing we can do to stop it. We will just have to sit it out.
It's that level of policing that I find far more difficult. Not being able to open the front door without knowing where he is, not being able to have him out in garden alone as he scales the walls and climbs onto our balconies or scales the fences, not being able to get him to turn around when we need to walk home, and the constant tugging from where I have to hold onto him where we're on the street hurts my wrists. And the lack of receptive rather than expressive language that makes life tough. With receptive language comes concepts and through processing like mine, without that it's hard. Receptive language increases the amount of AAC you can use.
I don't ever wish to diminish the problems that people with HFA/AS face, but I think at the moment in the information that is 'out there' there is often a lack of understanding about the very different issues that come with the severe end of the spectrum. And those are problems which will be lifelong in their severity. He will never ever be able to go outside alone. Not once in his life. Never be able to left alone at home.
As an example of the lack of understanding last week I was getting a bit of hassle from a (paid) member of the NAS for not doing something for the local branch. He didn't seem to understand that I couldn't do it because I couldn't take DS1 with me and had nowhere to leave him. He seemed to think that DS1 should be able to come along. It was very frustrating talking to someone who is supposed to provide support who just totally didn't seem to 'get' our lives or issues. It comes back to the stuff I was saying earlier about invisibility (not represented by research literature, or the NAS etc etc).
I would never wish to go back to a position where the needs of those with HFA/AS aren't recognised. But I think a lot more could be done to recognise/talk about the diversity of autism. Especially by bodies such as the NAS.