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Original poster

anyone else's child have lack of party invites

76 replies

sparklymieow · 14/04/2005 22:55

I have realised today that DS hasn't been invited to any parties this year whatsoever. I don't know if it because he has CP or what... Dh thinks its because I am a bit strange myself and scare the parents off I think its because DS's CP is more noticeable this year and people are worried about having him there IYKWIM. I feel so sorry for the lad, I think I will have a HUGE party in december for his birthday...

OP posts:
Jayzmummy · 15/04/2005 16:58

J is 9 now and he has never had a birthday party invite....not that it bothers him because I doubt whether he would want to go if he did actually recieve them in the first place.

He doesnt particularly enjoy his own birthday so I doubt he would want to celebrate anyone elses.

This really upsets me.....but he doesnt care... so maybe this is one strength I should learn from my son.

TheRealMrsF · 15/04/2005 21:04

yes J'sM...agree 100% ...i often get uptight 'on behalf of my boys'...to realise later that THEY aren't bothered by whatever i lose sleep over!!!

marthamoo · 15/04/2005 21:12

This thread is so sad. If I was really rich I would have a huge, huge party, the best party ever (I'm thinking somewhere like Neverland but without Michael Jackson, obviously), and I would invite all your lovely children and I would make a point of ensuring they got given their invitations to the Best Party of All Time in front of their classmates.

But I'm not really rich so all I can offer are virtual hugs and a lot of sympathy. I'm so sorry

onlyjoking9329 · 15/04/2005 21:45

well my girls ASD never got any party invitations until this last year at there new SEN school they have been to four partys this year been to one tonight at pizza hut, my son ASD but in mainstream has had lots of invite but now hes nearly 8 the kids tend to do sleep overs swimming parties or cinema trips so he hasnt been to many this year he is having a birthday next week and taking 6 classmates to cinema and pizza hut, i expect he will get less invites as he gets older as kids dont seem to do parties after 7/8

soapbox · 15/04/2005 21:50

I want to write what Marthamoo wrote

This thread makes me so sad- your poor kids - haven't they got enough to deal with as it is without feeling like social outcasts too

Original poster
sparklymieow · 15/04/2005 23:05

It is sad but unfortunely something that us SN mums have to deal with DS accepts his disabilities and doesn't know why others don't..... I am trying to think of a party for his 8th birthday but not invite any of his classmates, but make sure that every other mum knows exactly how great it will be..... that will show them

OP posts:
soapbox · 15/04/2005 23:15

I'm a bit old fashioned on the invite front. Up til now I've insisted on all or nothing! Can't bear the thought of picking and choosing classmates

This year though DD is 7 and I've conceded that she can only invite girls Its amazing the way that they get so gender specific at this age! However that is the way the parties seem to be going this year - there have been virtually no mixed parties at all!

Anyway - I think you are right - do something fab for your wee mans 8th and let the mums do a bit of thinking!

Davros · 15/04/2005 23:44

Sadly my DS wouldn't understand or feel anything about being invited or not being invited to parties. Being at a special school though he does get invited to parties but its more to do with which parents are friends. It gets much harder as they get older as so few places they would enjoy are appropriate or built for their size. Magic, puppets, entertainers etc are more or less out so it needs to be physical but things like trampolining require waiting unless you only invite about 4 kids

soapbox · 15/04/2005 23:57

Oh Davros - I didn't want to make you feel worse than you already do Sorry if my words were a bit tactless

tatt · 16/04/2005 06:22

my child who is allergic to nuts no longer gets invited to parties but the less allergic child does. So I don't think its me being scary I've just given parents a letter about the allergies to try and make it clear (a) that there are still "safe" foods and (b) that I'll send a party plate if it makes them feel better.

We take other children with us on trips and that is never returned. I know its not the children who are the problem - its the parents who don't want the responsibility.

Soapbox there was one boy and 9 girls at dd's party this year. The boy was warned he'd be the only boy there but he was still happy to come. A brave lad!

tatt · 16/04/2005 06:23

that was meant to be a sad face

lou33 · 16/04/2005 13:49

DS2 is going to his first one tomorrow Dont know who is more excited, him or dh

marthamoo · 16/04/2005 19:31

tatt, there are parents out there who wouldn't be scared of the responsibility - I'm one. Ds1 invited a classmate to his party who has severe nut allergies, is lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant - in fact, has a very limited diet. His Mum sent a party bag of food with him and I was very careful of what food I had on the table (I wouldn't have nut things at a kids' party anyway) and watched him like a hawk. I only had to intervene once when I caught him stirring his hand longingly round a bowl of crisps

So there are parents out there who will do it - I hope you find some soon.

lou, I hope ds2 has a fab time at the party (I feel all emotional thinking about it)

soapbox · 16/04/2005 19:35

Tatt - my DD's friend from school has a severe nut allergy and we have her over quite regularly. She's been to a sleep over here too!

I plan food in advance and check with her parents that what I've chosen is ok. She has a good understanding herself of what she is allowed to eat. One time we made rice crispie cakes and she was unsure so we kept them until she was picked up just to be on the safe side.

She always comes with her epipen and we keep it in the same place every time so we know where it is if we need it!

So as marthamoo says some parents are quite able to handle other children with severe allergies - hopefully you'll find some soon

sis · 17/04/2005 13:06

Ds, aged six, has had less than five party invites in his life . His behaviour is not an issue, he is always very well behaved (a stickler for rules) but I think his lack of confidence with other children makes him less visible when party invite lists are being drawn up. It doesn't help that dh and I are not very sociable (me through shyness and dh because he is a loner/anti-social).

lou33 · 17/04/2005 13:09

Ds2 is currently at his first party

NomDePlume · 17/04/2005 13:12

^^

lou33 · 17/04/2005 13:14
tamum · 17/04/2005 19:11

lou, how did he get on? I kept wondering about him during dd's party this afternoon

lou33 · 17/04/2005 19:16

Oh thanks for asking tamum, he had a lovely time

Came back with a goody bag and full of stories. Dh was emotional , saying there were times his eyes were filling up, as he could see the gap widening with what ds can do in relation to other kids his age, but said it was a lovely party.

tamum · 17/04/2005 19:27

Sounds like a very bittersweet experience for your dh, and I'm sure you, but I'm so glad ds2 had a nice time

lou33 · 17/04/2005 19:32

thanks

RnB · 17/04/2005 19:38

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 17/04/2005 19:39

hello

Davros · 17/04/2005 22:16

Soapbox, just catching up. I didn't find your comments, or anyone else's, tactless. Its just that's how it is for us.
As for nut allergy etc, I can't believe that a parent with a child with any "issue" would leave them at a party. I see these things as another opportunity to gossip and get to know people and I want to see for myself what is going on and make sure everything is OK.
Lou, glad the party went well, just saw a comment on another thread about how hard it was for him (not sure if DS or DH) to see the other kids cavorting