So i am sat here in tears-help

[mummytopebs]

Please i need some support i have set up another thread hellllp some advice please which explains a bit about my dd, she is waiting to see someone to see if she is asd. I have just picked her up from nursery and she was sat out of the group (second time this week) she was clearly upset, i asked what she had done and they said she had created at milk time. She has just recently started going full days instead of just afternoons so is used to get her milk on the afternoon, if they go all day they get a milk am and pm, however today there wasnt enough milk for both am and pm so they tried to give her water at pm and she kicked off. The nursery nurse said she was just being naughty, i tried to explain that it might have been cos of change of routine and she basically pooed pooed it and said no she was just being naughty. Also i had arrived a couple of mins early and saw her sat out they kept pushing her back in a corner and a little boy kept going over to her face, so she was hitting out at him and she was getting told off for hitting out, i tried to explain that she likes her personal space especiall y when she is upset and they pooed pooed that to.

Anyway i ended up crying in the nursery while they just looked at me as if to say oh my god she cant control her dd.

Please look at my other thread and see what you think about my dd symptoms cos now i am thinking i am going mad and maybe she just is naughty. Please i am at a loss

From what you write, I think you may have a point about your dd and they have no clue how to handle it in the nursery.

I would be very concerned about the nursery. Is it the only choice you have for a nursery at the moment? Is there a manager there that you would trust to talk to about this rather than the staff?

It could be an ASD, yes. But of course we can't say for sure as it would take a diagnostic team. Worth seeing the GP and getting them to chase up a referral??

You need a cuppa. Definitely. And a nursery that cares.

I haven't read your other thread yet, but I am rather shocked that the nursery staff were 'pushing her back in a corner'. Telling you that your dd is 'naughty' is not good enough and totally unprofessional. Do they have a behaviour policy such as a time out area? The nursery I have just found for my dd2 uses an egg timer which they sit with until the sand is through.

I shall read your other thread now!

That sounds awful for your poor DD. I don't know much about ASD but I do know that from what you say the nursery staff were not behaving apropriately.

If your DD stays at the nursery you should ask them to contact the area pre-school SENCo who should be able to give them advice on the best way to deal with the situation. The senco should also be able to give you advice on what standard you should expect from the nursery.

As amber said, time for a cuppa and a few deep breaths first. Poor you and poor dd.

The head teacher i think does not believe anything i say either. She sent a letter out saying children can only take a sandwich, fruit and yogurt in packed lunch. I went to see her cos dd is very fussy about her food and doesnt like sandwichs and she said to me of course she doesnt like sandwichs you are saying it when she is stood right next to you so shes going to say she doesnt like them! She then went on to say i should cut them up into different shapes and she would eat them! Er dont patronise me she knows what she likes and what she doesnt!

Cant afford to send her to another nursery cos this one does wrap around care for 10 pound a day, whereas a private one is 32 pounds a day. I think the nursery have got something against me now

mummytopebs I'm sorry I can't find your other thread. If you feel however that your dd has problems then it is time to get outside help for the nursery. The head sounds like a shocker and they really aught to be more aware of children with potential special needs versus blame it all on bad behaviour.

Ask her to get the area senco involved. Ours was fantastic and really helped the nursery see what they should be doing. It sounds to me as though she would benefit from a visual timetable for example.

to be honest this nursery seems to be shite on sn do they have a senco teacher at all

my ds has ASD he was dx at 3 and we put him in at 2.6 to help with interaction and not once have they disregarded what i had to say took on board all of what i had told them

your nursery sounds like the wrong place for your dd to be seek out there sn knowledge as if they have none its not the right place for your dd to be

could you do a personal passport

i have done one for my ds it explains his likes dislikes how he feels what he needs how he feels around others there interaction such as he needs his own space etc

i would have thought if your going through dx they would have been much more supportive

could you contact someone in regards to having a bit more help such as special needs teacher for pre school

the nursery in itself sounds very unprofessional maybe that's why its so cheap maybe you need to look into another nursery and what help is available to you for another nursery i don't think she will be happy and her needs will be met here for a professional member to disregard possible ASD as naughty behavior i would not want them in a million miles near my child

thanks crumpled my previous thread was anyone i need some advice plllease and i last updated 4 feb x How do i get a senco involved? And do you think it is worth it cos she starts school in september?

its most defiantly worth it you need it in place before school as you can try and geta statement for starting school early intervention is the best

ask them if they have a senco teacher i presumed there was one in all nursery's but possibly not if not

it would help your dd lots as they would treat her differently taking all possible needs into account and my ds thrives with his help now has 1-1 at pre school specialist teacher goes in every 3 weeks to make sure all is up to date for his needs

they should not or should i say she should not have to spend next 6 mths with them not taking her needs into account they should be more supportive with you also to say no just naughty would make me think they have no knowledge or just disregarded any ASD in the past for your daughters sake it'll be worth taking time to do

it will be done once dx anyway but would help to get thew ball rolling as you dont know how long dx will take

We had a simalar problem with dd1(AS) when she started nursery, one day i went to pick her up and she was crying at the door, all the staff and other children were outside playing , she was crying because she didn't want to go outside/put her coat on so they went outside without her. I took her out of the nursery straight away, we then got a referal from our gp and started the process of getting her diognosed for Aspergers, in the meantime we found her a lovely nursery which were really undrestanding.

Dd1 was diognossed in november last year with AS, in the 2 years it took to get a dx she has changed a lot and has grown out of a lot of her traits, she has gone from being a shy ,sensitive little girl to a lively, loud little girl.

Does she need to be at nursery or could she take a few months out until she has been seen by a pead or SENCO?

A visual timetable would help her a lot, my dd2 uses visual timetables at her nursery which helps explain what she will be doing during the day.

There is no senco teacher it is only a small nursery not attached to a school. How do i go about get a senco involved? I have put her name down for a school that is supposed to be excellent if she does have special needs, and i have spoke at length with the head at this school who is excellent- i might see if they have space in their nursery and think about sending her private half a day

im not entirely sure how you find out about area senco they should know i would think , it was much easier with my ds as pre school already had senco teacher there who took his needs into account came to dx with me etc

in all honesty even if your dd was dx would you really be happy keeping her there when they wouldn't take it seriously to begin with i would have my ds out as quick as anything if they cant take it seriously and show some compassion and understanding it wouldn't be the place for my child

As the others are saying, please get senco involved. You may be able to access some one to one care for her for the summer term, the senco will also help with getting things into place for school.

All funded pre schools will have access to an area senco and that would be the first thing to ask when you next go in/phone. They may want to then get an educational psychologist involved.

I will just say this though, when we started having all of these people involved for DS2 I was very upset. He had been seen by doctors etc for all of his babyhood/childhood but suddenly they were talking about development in a very different way. It was okay to be upset but without the outside help he would not be doing as well as he is now in mainstream school, (with support)learning and socialising. I guess what I am trying to say is that it will be daunting but well worth it.

My heart really goes out to you. I can remember as clear as anything picking my dd from ds's school nursery (she went for 6 months before leaving for language unit). Dd was 3 and had very limited language/communication skills and she was really crying while sitting in te circle time and kept saying "here i am, here i am" and they were ignoring her. When I asked why dd was upset apparently they had gievn out newsletters at circle but if the child had a sibling then they didn't get one. I was told she needed to learn FFS. 2p photo copy was worth the distress it caused. I am sooooo lucky as the school we moved her to is fantastic and has had 5 great years there

Really sorry but it sounds like you need to move nursery. We had to do this for my son - he was doing really weird stuff in the first nursery that he had never done before and never done since.

If it is just £10 a day then how on earth do they afford to pay their staff?????

Sorry you are having such a bad time at your nursery. You know your own child and must trust your instincts. My DD is not ASD but wouldn't put up with the treatment you describe (and doesn't eat sandwiches either ). I really hope that you can get some more support. You are at the start of a long process and will need all the help you can get. Diagnosis is a REALLY up and down time

Poor you, you are really going through it. Is there anyone who could go with you to talk to the head at the nursery if she really has to stay there. Would your local Parent Partnership get involved? (google them to find them using your county as an identifier). You need to write down all the things you need them to be aware of and ask them how they are going to meet her needs. If she is awaiting assessment they should be treating her with more sensitivity to her needs anyway. Agree with getting the SENCO in - try your Local Authority Education Dept Special Needs section. Whereabouts in the country are you perhaps someone here knows what to do in your area so could give some specific contacts??

I am not surprised you are sat in tears. The nursery staff have behaved very badly.
I don't know enough about ASD to be helpful, but sending you a big hug.

Thanks everyone for your support it is nice to know that people have been through similar situations.

I have been on the tax credit website and it looks like if i send her to a private nursery i will get a bit of help towards the cost, so will go and visit some on monday when i am off.

For the mams of children with aspergers does my dd sound like she could have this? It is all so difficult and there seems to be loads of information out there but sometimes i just look at her and think there is def a problem some where but not sure if asd, she is very ritualistic and hates to differ from routine, very fussy with food, has these strange flashing sensations,very emotional, doesnt like chaos and noise,plays for hours on her own - but sometimes i even doubt myself and think she cant be

it's such a difficult time waiting to be assessed and having all those is she? isn't she? questions. you can tie yourself in knots thinking about it. if you are being referred through the system it can be a long slow process, so a good idea just to focus on what your dd needs to feel secure and to help her make progress.

these now next later boards might be useful if your dd finds it hard to transition from one activity to another. good luck if you decide to look for another nursery. this one sounds like it wouldn't be able to meet your dd's needs with or without a dx.

blossomhill: that story about your dd nearly made me cry. so glad she had happier times in her next school.

Ragged Robin ~ thanks it was really hard and looking back I shudder with how overall they really didn't have a clue. Thankfully the language base have bent over backwards and now in year 5 you wouldn't recognise my dd to how she was back then!
Just wanted to say thanks for that ebay link I have seen loads of things I want for dd

DS went to private nursery that was pretty rubbish at dealing with SN. Anyway - one member of staff was meant to be senco - and they also had an area senco from the council come in to observe a couple of times. So there should be SN support for private nurseries. Am sorry you were so upset and that the nursery isn't handling things well.

I'm sorry that the nursery are being so crap, I pulled my DS1 out of his 1st preschool for similar reasons.

It might be worth enquiring if your area runs a development nursery. DS1 got a place pre-diagnosis, it started off as a 6 week place with 4 other children but they've said they want to keep working with them for another 6 weeks. It was my HV who mentioned it and did the referral so it might be worth making a couple of calls to see whats available in your area. He goes there as well as preschool.

Your nursery staff should be experienced enough to recognise the difference between unacceptable behaviour and a child with difficulties.

I thought DD was NT until I took her to preschool. Her behaviour is hard to control, but I thought it was me, not SN. Within weeks, the preschool asked me to sign a form so they could get the Area Inclusion Co-ordinator to come in and assess DD, as they didn't think she was being naughty.

They need advice on what intervention to use with your DD. For example, DD's teachers were going to her when she ran off, and returning her to the mat. She thought this was a fantastic game, and it gave her the feedback she craves. The AIO said that they should merely observe her to make sure she was not in danger, and appear to ignore her. It stops her getting 'high' on the chase.

Why don't you phone your LEA's Education Service, and ask to speak to the SENCO/AIO for your area? They should be able to advise you as to what to do.

It may be that your nursery are just inexperienced, and need help to see your daughter's needs as opposed to the behaviours that result.

BTW, I don't know what language they are using when they talk to you, but at DDs preschool, they NEVER use the word 'naughty' (although I do, lol), and they always tell me about DDs day positively, even if she has really struggled. Even when I have watched her spinning on the floor, running away, pushing things, etc. while I am waiting to collect her, the teacher says "She's been fab today. Just that last 10 minutes got a little bit too much". Never she's done x, y, & z.

Hi - I would suggest you look at the guidelines here as I am not sure where you live in terms of who you local council is but as a starter for ten:

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/SpecialEducationalNeeds/DG _4000870

If you child is in a state nursery there will be a SENCO

In the private sector it will often be the responsibility of the nursery manager and they will have an Area SENCO to support them.

You will then need to agree to give permission for them to observe your child. You should ask the SENCO for the LEA Educational Psychologist to perform an assessment of your child in the nursery as this will help everyone in the setting better understand your child needs and what support is required.

I don't want to write an essay - but please shout if you need any more information