Meltdown about shoes

[debs40]

Hi

I posted a couple of months ago about my five year old as I feared he had some sensory issues but I was worried about pathologising what could be ?normal? childhood behaviour.

Anyway, my son is a bright, happy little chap who is doing fine at school and has friends. However, he has certain behaviour traits which worry me and can be overwhelming sometimes.

For example, he can?t stand labels and seams, shoes too loose or tight, won?t wear certain clothes, his polo shirt for school has to be just right, he can chew on things unconsciously, he doesn?t like many foods and will gag at smells or sights of cheese/butter and other things. He seems a little malcoordinated too. He can also go into meltdown when emotionally overwhelmed.

These things come and go. Last time, when it seemed bad, I was going to have a chat with the GP but I changed my mind when things settled and hubby wasn?t too keen.

However, there have been several incidents of trying behaviour while he was ill in the hols. Hubby was off and could see a little more of what I mean (particularly the gagging etc) but we put it down to him being ill.

Today, I tried to get him to school. We had all been really happy and not at all rushed. But he went in to complete meltdown over his shoes which have been fine so far this week! They were ?hurting? him. There was nothing in them to rub him.

I tried his old shoes (which were perfectly good but he?d stopped wearing them because they were ?too loose?) and he wouldn?t have them on. He was hysterical.

I had to ring school as we were late. I had my three year old in tow and I didn?t know what to do. We were all in tears.

My son?s distress was genuine and I felt like a crap mum as I didn?t have any ideas. It took me a month of shoe shop visits to get these shoes. He has narrow feet and I had to order them for him. Now he won?t wear them!

I put his boots on in him and he just hugged me saying ?thank you mummy ? again and again. These boots cost me £60 before xmas but he needed some non-school shoes for his holidays and NOTHING else would fit or be acceptable. They have laces so can be pulled really tight but he can't do laces so they are not good for school.

I think hubby has seen this as ?bad/spoilt? behavioiur to date. He wasn?t there tod\ay but could see this isn?t right!

I took him into school half an hour late and they were really good about it.

I rang my health visitor who was great and listened and said it wasn?t about labelling but about support. She has a meeting tomorrow with local GP and school nurse etc and will raise this and get back to me as to next step.

I?ve also made an appointment to see my GP next week.

I end up dreading him getting dressed or eating as it feels like a constant struggle. I can't buy him anything without him complaining about how it feels on him.

Many of the foods he used to love (e.g. cheese) he won't go near now.

I?m struggling to cope at the moment as my disabled brother has just been moved 300 miles into sheltered accommodation near us as his carer (my step-dad) is very ill. I?m having to make evening meals for him and wash clothes etc and my husband works an hour and a half a way so can?t help.

I hasten to add that the kids love my brother and I think they have been largely protected from the stress of his move.

What is the next step if sensory issues are suspected?

Sorry to rant on and on. Just having a bad day

dx

Big hugs. You are not a crap mum. I'm sure I have spoken to you before about getting your son assessed.

A lot of us on here will recognise this scenario. Speak with your GP and push for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. An Occupational therapist will probably also be very useful for you, but they tend to have very long waiting lists.

I found it useful to make a list of all my concerns beforehand, which i left with the paediatrician on our first appointment (my DS has HFA which encompasses sensory issues)

Are his sensory issues affecting him at school? Does he require any extra support or provision there? Can they provide evidence of his difficulties?

Hopefully more advice will be along soon.

Thanks. He seems to be coping fine at school. No problems academically or socially.

I spoke to his teacher when I last posted and he felt he was fine.

His t/a told me this morning that she had noticed him fuss about his shoes and things b ut seemed shocked when I told her what he had been like.

Thanks for your support. I remember you posting before and giving me really helpful advice.

I just feel a bit gutted about it all today!

I would definitely see GP. I ssume your worry (may be rong) is autism so the friends thing has put you off- but there are some sensory disorders too and if your son has one then early help is important I think.

It may well be your son is just sensitive but I do think its good to get questions ansered where possible.

"A lot of us on here will recognise this scenario"

Indeed - your DS isn't the only child like this - I recognise what you hae discribed all too well.

I think the sooner you mention your concerns to your GP, the sooner s/he can get the ball rolling.

My DS is now 10, adn has learnt to handle things much better - but possibly I have aswell - even if it means waring school boots summer and winter.

Thank you so much - just reading your last sentence "wearing school boots summer and winter" made me feel better!

My DS wears his hood up at all times, and a batman wristband (some sort of comfort from the pressure i think). I am past caring if that keeps him calm and happy - he looks like a teenage hoodie at 5.

Can I ask, what do you do about foods?

Do you take the same approach and just let him eat what he feels comfortable with?

DS choice of foods is reducing - pasta or home made pizza generally!

What do i do? Go with it and avoid a battle?

By the way, just picked him up from school. His teacher wasn't in this morning when I dropped him off so looked nonplussed when I asked how he'd been.

Anyway, DS hadn't eaten any snadwiches - half a sandwich was chewed and spat into his box (he tells me because he'd 'smelt cheese' somewhere).

He seems happy enough though!

Dx

We do let him eat the foods he likes, but when he refuses something, we still keep offering it. We have found that over time he revisits 'lost' foods and begins to eat them again. Fortunately his food restrictions are healthy, so we accept the limited diet. He loves pasta, so i can get him to accept a lot of variety by mixing it in with the pasta.

Was he picking up an old food smell from his lunchbox? My DS will stop eating cheese when it is warmer as it gets sweaty and he doesn't like the smell.

Cheese from someone else's sandwich apparently!

DS is the same - pasta and home made pizza are fairly healthy (mix in some veg unseen) and he will eat lots of berries - raspberries/strawberries/blackberries - even if no veg. So it could be worse!

Thanks for this. It really helps.

Hi! My ds also has sensory issues and seems particularly affected by smell (food) and irritation/light touch ( labels/ socks/ shoes/ hats). I too have spent many hours searching for acceptable coats (fluffy linings and hoods) shoes ( must have soft heel cuff) trousers (no scratchy zips!). Ds can also get fearful of things ie refuse to wear shoes that rubbed once because he had them on the wrong feet or too loose - its so frustrating isn't it! ( Ds likes pizza, pasta and berries but won't eat cheese sandwiches either!).
I do feel life has got easier in the last couple of years (ds is 9). Have you seen the book the out of sync child has fun? Can you get advice from an OT?

DD2 has sensory processing disorder (18mo) and is mainly tactile and orally defensive but has other sensory processing issues too.

Our OT has us on a sensory diet which so far has involved deep pressure brushing and joint compressions to de-sensitise her and this has helped loads.

You need a sensory assessment by a sensory trained OT so that you can see exactly what sensory needs he has and for a program to be put in place.

Also, ditto to the out of sync child has fun. Have just finished it and it has brief overviews of the various sensory needs and great activities to help which work alongside a sensory diet.

I saw your title, and thought "I cant remember doing a post on this"

My ds2 always has meltdowns when it comes to shoes. Once upon a nightmare he would only wear wild crazy burn your eyeballs coloured shoes. Luckily at the time, Reebok had some decent trainers out, and I bought a couple of pairs, but he was terrible when we needed to get new shoes for him. Its taken 2 years for him to accept a pair of clarks shoes (just bought a lovely pair in the sales, army colour).

I would definately raise the sensory issues and the food issues with your gp/hv though.if only to put your mind at ease. It doesnt sound like he is spoilt, especially after he was so thankful you put his old shoes on him.

mumgoingcrazy - how did you get a diagnosis for your DD?

I may be totally wrong, but I am sure that there is a connection somewhere with shoes and socks. I may be totally wrong there. My ds is obsessed, its one of his rituals, has to take his shoes of when he walks in the front door. Even took them of in the supermarket once, oh and at the Dr's.

Like LynetteScavo said, I think a lot will be nodding at your choice of title.

Sorry your having a crappy day.

My ds2 doesnt take his socks off for anything, even goes in the bath with them if we cant pry them off his feet.

And he also takes his shoes off as soon as we get indoors, anywhere. He even does it at school. We went to Frankie & Bennys on Saturday, and he took them off when we sat down

DS2 has no sensory problems, but refused to wear socks. Even in this weather.

Thanks for this.

We had the same thing this morning but I let him go in his lace up boots again which calmed him.

I spoke to the TA to tell her on the way in and she was like 'don't worry, it's no big deal' which was nice but made me feel like I'm totally overreacting! Am I being too sensitive?

DS has been really clingy the last couple of days so I think he is probably feeling nervous about going back to school and this is when these issues often seem to show themselves most with him.

Thanks for all your help

You are probably right about the start of term. Ds is always more 'prickly' when stressed or at times of change. The first week of term is always more challenging for us all. I mostly try and go calmly with the flow and try to get the same from the staff. Once settled back into the school routine we can allow the quirks to settle themselves. I am sure I was extrasensative in ds early school years but now I have settled into his patterns and can plan (to a certain extent there are always supprises) for them.

Lynette, we originally had a dx of GDD from the paed which she still has but it was our OT gave us the SPD dx. It may be that SPD is not all that she has but as she is only 18months it's a bit too early to tell whether autism or dyspraxia are present too.

Hi

Would you guys mention all this to the teacher?

I spoke to my son's teacher last time I was worried about it and he hadn't noticed anything.

The school seem unconcerned about the shoes thing too!

DS has just had a complete meltdown about his tea tonight. He is Mr 'Double/Triple tea' as the first meal is never right! But there were very real sobs. It is distressing.

He hadn't eaten his sandwiches either as the 'bread wasn't right'.

He has been ok in school as I asked yesterday but I didn't know whether to mention all this to them and tell them I'm seeing GP etc or leave it until after HV reports back.

What do you think?

Hi Debs

From the very good advice from this board I wrote down everything ds does. Something that to be honest was quite hard to do, as I think I have covered up for him for years, not wanting to think I couldnt cope.

I went to the gp armed with info and knowledge and he even turned round and commended me on being a good mum and doing what I have been doing .

Good luck Debs

My personal opinion is that going to the GP armed with info can't do any harm and it might do some good.

Thanks for this. But would you talk to school about it at the moment or just leave well alone until you've spoken to GP?

I think maybe speak to the GP and have all the ammo you can so that the school can't fob you off esp as you said his teacher hadn't noticed anything.

My girls are 3 and 1 so I don't have any experience of schools and their system yet but it's just a thought.