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Original poster

Fukn SW, wat do u make of this?????!!!!!

40 replies

caitlinnjacksmummy · 29/11/2008 15:40

Hi guys

I currently have a SW (with children with disabilities team) who comes out to see me because of Jack, she is one of many ppl coming into the house to see us

Anyway....I am not keen on her, she is very aloof and sort of "social worky" iyswim, nosy etc....nw the point is this woman would not be in my home in the first place if Jack wasn't classed as Disabled

I have cancelled her quite a few times and made up a story sometimes tht I am ill or watever as she annoys the f* outta me

Anyway there was one day I cancelled and my dd, 7 had bn not well and I took her to dr etc an told the SW on the phone

So....wen she came out next visit my dd was also present and the SW came in and asked my dd if she was better and "oh you had it along time" "I hear mummy took u to the dr"

Obv quizzing my 7 yr old, bitch, and has also sed that respite is not for spending time with my Dp who doesnt live hre btw, but I since turned respit dwn as I feel Jack is too young (20 months)

Wat the hell right has she to tell me wat I do with my time wn I have respite?!

Anyway, I cancelled our last visit, and I told her in a text that it was bcause Jack was goin thru a rough time again with seizures(as u all know) and tht it was a stressful time and to arrange another date

So.....she replied MUCH later on that she was very worried about me, to which I replied there is no need to worry as I just needed space as Jack had bn not well

She wrote bk she would see me this monday at 12pm, so I said ok, she has since went behind my back and contacted the HV who appeared at my door yesterday afternoon to check I was ok!!!!

She also sed tht the SW was quizzing her about when she last saw me etc.....!!!!

The hv sed also that the SW had no right to contact her...I am feckn livid....wat would u do? Gonna send her a VERY irate txt I think

And tell her I want someone else in future

OP posts:
Sidge · 29/11/2008 15:49

You obviously don't get on with her but it sounds to me like she is just doing her job. She sounds concerned for you and repeated cancellations would probably make her wonder if you were ok and needed more support, hence her phoning your HV.

Your HV is wrong by the way, your SW is within her rights to contact the HV (and GP etc) if she is worried about you.

Miyazaki · 29/11/2008 15:50

sounds like she's just doing her job tbh. I would have thought SW are all pretty jittery at the mo - I know I would be making double double sure more than ever that I was crossing all the t's etc.

I'd be suprised if it was beyond her remit to speak to your HV as I believe that agencies (is that the right word?) do try to share information.

I would just let it go - I'm sure that if she sees you a few times without appts being cancelled etc she'll back off, or I suppose you could just ask for someone else as per your op, but I wouldn't send the irate text.

hecate · 29/11/2008 15:53

I think the more you try to distance yourself, the more you are setting off alarm bells in her head, tbh.

She is probably not stupid. and she realises you are making excuses to keep her away. She is trying to find out why this is.

I think we should expect nothing less from a social worker.

i think the best thing to do is to be honest with her.

PipinJo · 29/11/2008 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
caitlinnjacksmummy · 29/11/2008 16:06

So....no one thinks quizzing my dd or telling me I cannot spend time with dp during respite is wrong?? Maybe her sending the HV was justified but not the way she is or things she has sed and done (above)

OP posts:
Miyazaki · 29/11/2008 16:14

I don't. From your op you have repeatedly cancelled her appointments and made things up. She is just doing her job.

hecate · 29/11/2008 16:16

She quizzed your daughter - yes, not great of her - because you have behaved in a way that has made her suspicious.

Respite - she is 100% wrong. Respite is there to allow you time to do EXACTLY that sort of thing! What does she think it is for? ask her.

But the thing is - YOU are making things very much worse by dodging her and by being hostile. These are things that they are TRAINED to watch for and which can indicate things are not right. You can't blame her for pursuing this.

If you want her to back off, change your behaviour. Stop giving her cause for concern. Be honest with her.

yomellamoHelly · 29/11/2008 16:21

Our SW also drives me nuts and I would love to never have her interfere in our lives again. Dh is much more philosophical (only met her once) and keeps saying we need to jump through her hoops until ds's case is reviewed and then she'll be gone. Bl*y well hope that's the case. - I don't think she has any concept of how busy our lives are and how precious my time alone with ds2 is. Any free time is gradually being taken off me "to give me a break" and at the moment I can't stop it without stirring up even more s**t. Keep saying I don't want "help" - but of course I can't be saying the truth because she just looks at me like I'm mad. I'm a SAHM because I wanted to spend these early years with my children, not because I wanted to take it easy.

Original poster
caitlinnjacksmummy · 29/11/2008 16:47

For whoever sed that she quizzed my dd as I am being dfficult that is not the case!!

She did this long before I repeatedly cancelled!! Which MADE me hostile with her in the first place , nd then she made the comment about respite!!

I am a VERY easy going person and get on with everyone, but she got MY bk up in the first place which led me to start cancelling

Why are ppl so judgemental?

OP posts:
Original poster
caitlinnjacksmummy · 29/11/2008 16:49

And TOTALLY agree with you yomellamoHelly!! Thanku x

OP posts:
hecate · 29/11/2008 16:55

we can only go on what you put in your op. read it back. people are responding to how you presented the information. If you put things in a way that was not a true representation of the situation, that's not our fault.

Miyazaki · 29/11/2008 16:56

So just calm down, realise that she is doing her job, give her what she wants and she will back off. Ask if you can have another SW if necessary, but do not send her angry texts/make excuses why you can't see her. You only think people are judgemental because not everybody has agreed with you.

Original poster
caitlinnjacksmummy · 29/11/2008 17:16

Miyazaki, first of all i do not think that ppl are judgemental based on the fact of not every1 not agreeing with me. That's life. I think yr being quite confrontational. Hecate was right, I prob didn't put it across as well as i could. I started repeatedly cancelling this woman as wen my dd was ill i cancelled for the first time. At the next visit she came in and quizzed my daughter, which was totally uncalled for. . And then the comment about respite. That was final straw. I came on for some advice not for abuse

OP posts:
PipinJo · 29/11/2008 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
caitlinnjacksmummy · 29/11/2008 18:15

Hey pipinjo, wasn't referring to u bout abusing was referring to Miyazaki, as she seemed to think that I was saying some ppl wre judgemental because not every1 was agreeing with me, tht is just nonsenseevery1 has a different opinion and i appreciate that of course, it was the way it had bn written tht got to me

I was simply looking for advice, and yeah it is tough wn it's an emotional subject....

I just feel that the SW is TOO interfering, she wouldn't be in my house if it wasn't for Jack being ill, so she had no right questioning my dd or telling me what I can & cannot do with my time during respite..I feel like she talks down to me, Bn thru an awful lotta stressful times recently esp with Jack and these ppl(SW) also have to realise this and b more tactful

OP posts:
VJay · 29/11/2008 18:25

Do you think it could be a clash of personalities with your SW. I clashed with my new hv when I moved, so I requested my old one back, and that was fine. Not everyone gets on, can you ask for another SW for your case? Just explain how you feel, or talk to her direct.

alfiemama · 29/11/2008 18:27

Im sorry but I have to agree with the others, I think the SW should be commended for doing her job properly, she may actually be concerned for you, after all sometimes it can be tough, I would be pleased to know someone there for you.

PipinJo · 29/11/2008 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miyazaki · 29/11/2008 18:50

Abuse? I have abused you?

Where?

If you seriously think I have abused you, I would report my posts to MNHQ and see if they agree with you and they will delete them. Otherwise, I would really appreciate an apology.

If this is an example (accusing me of abusing you) of the way you interpret your SW actions I really do think you should consider reconsidering about the respite care. All I can think is that you are very stressed and over-reacting, cos to say I abused you is way out of line.

ScottishMummy · 29/11/2008 19:13

you need to liaise with the SW,by being avoidant and making excuses you potentially arouse suspicions.she wont simply go away

could you ask for transfer of SW allocated to you?

SW is within her rights to query HV if everything ok given you ignore and avoid her

lay off any irate texts or calls.you will end up looking like a a loon.you have a lot on your plate and dont need additional hassle of arguing with sw

daisy5678 · 29/11/2008 19:16

I was very mistrustful of SS when I first asked for their help - J gets loads of bruises and is so violent and out of control at times that I wondered how it would work - but I DID ask for their help because it is needed with my son, and with lots of SN kids. And I've found them very helpful.

You may not appreciate their help now, but you will do at some point.

I don't get the respite comment but I would just ask her to explain what she feels respite is for.

I don't think she was quizzing or interrogating your daughter. To me, it just sounds like asking a question and showing an interest.

I know what you mean about people talking about you - J's SW works in an office with most of the other agencies involved with J and I sometimes feel a bit when they mention 'oh, so and so told me that...' but information sharing is so so important and actually quite helpful.

I think you're stressed (understandably) and so are over-reacting. Ditto to the Mayazaki stuff - don't think she was being abusive or confrontational at all.

It's easy to take things personally when you're stressed - I know I do - but these boards would be crap if we all just said 'ahh - big hugs, yeah, she's such a bitch' when she's not - she's just doing her job, and the fact that you're calling her a bitch for it says more about how you're feeling than anything else - and I don't mean that in a horrible way, I get exactly the same and really slate people if I feel they are somehow judging me like you feel this SW is doing, but I don't think she's guilty of anything other than being a bit uppity in her manner (perhaps). MN's job is to be like a friend - support you when in the right but tell you straight when not!

I would maybe write to her and say what your concerns are about her manner and about the respite & what you see as her interrogating your daughter - might be easier to be calm and clear than face to face.

You do need to sort this out or you will raise suspicions and won't get support that you'll need in the future.

hercules1 · 29/11/2008 19:19

At a meeting I attended recently the sw said that the word 'respite' had been changed to 'short -breaks' and she reiterated to the parents that these breaks were for the benefit of the child rather than the parents having a break. Maybe they have been told to stress this to parents.

alfiemama · 29/11/2008 19:25

perhaps she just means she wants you to have a rest and not be taking care of dp

Good post givesmesleepormorechoc

daisy5678 · 29/11/2008 19:38

I was actually told off for refusing respite as they said that I had to take care of myself and have time to myself rather than have a nervous breakdown, which I was a bit at but kinda saw their point given how awful things were at the time and how crackers I probably appeared!

daisy5678 · 29/11/2008 19:39

Cheers, alfiemama