Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

I might get flamed for this, but I still need to get it off my chest

41 replies

emkana · 22/10/2008 22:36

I was talking to somebody who had a ds the same time that I had my ds. She was telling me how worried her dh had been that there would be something "wrong" with this, her third, child, and how her dh was a wreck when he found at the birth that luckily the child was "perfect".

And it kind of gets me. You know what, there is something "wrong" with my child, but we were still overwhelmed with happiness when he was born...

(I know I know I am being oversensitive)
(I know she didn't mean it that way)
(and I know that before I had ds I probably wouldn't have thought much of it)
(but still)

OP posts:
2shoesdrippingwithblood · 22/10/2008 22:41

sounds like she was last in the que when they were handing out tact.

magso · 22/10/2008 22:44

Your son is gorgeous! This friend must think so too. (But I know what you mean!)

sphil · 22/10/2008 22:47

I've had this twice recently - once from a woman who was being interviewed as a prospective 1:1 TA for DS2 ("oh, my son's still in nappies too, though there's nothing wrong with him") and once from the chairman of our local disabled swimming association (" my grandson is very shy, but there's nothing wrong with him")

And yes, it got to me too. I wish I was brave enough to say "there's nothing WRONG with my son either" - but I haven't been, up to now.

2shoesdrippingwithblood · 22/10/2008 23:00

oh it's a "shame" isn't it

amber32002 · 23/10/2008 07:11

Yup. I get a bit with people who tell me how terrible it must be to have a 'handicap' and have all this suffering, and how glad they are that they weren't born like it. I wish there was a [rolls eyes] smiley on here!

filz · 23/10/2008 08:22

emkana, you are not being oversensitive at ALL! Sher should save that story for someone else, like 2shoes says, she has no tact!

I hate the 'but theres nothing wrong with him/her' just as much as 'well (s)hes not as BAD as your dd/ds'. I mean wtf. I am not thick, I dont need things pointing out. Now FUCK off

Sorry
rant over

SammyK · 23/10/2008 08:29

How insensitive! People can be so tactless.

melmamof3 · 23/10/2008 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cyberseraphim · 23/10/2008 09:48

''the child was "perfect".

How did he know that? Did he have a crystal ball at the birth? I would have been tempted to say 'Are you worried that your DH can't cope with difficulties? Do you think he'll leave you if you get ill or old?' Of course I would never say that, that would be rude and tactless...

misscutandstick · 23/10/2008 09:52

OMG some people!

snarky · 23/10/2008 09:59

All babies are perfect. Here's my logic - because every child is a complete original, he can only be judged as a unique incarnation of himself - and he is therefore perfect, because nobody ever will or can be himself better than he can!

Is that gibberish?

FrankenSoph73 · 23/10/2008 10:06

some people are funny aren't they!!!

Snarky - that logic sounds perfect to me My DS2 has Mosaic Down's Syndrome but he's "normal" (hate that word) to us because he is who he is.

FrankenSoph73 · 23/10/2008 10:08

emkana - your ds is gorgeous btw, just looked at your piccies

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 23/10/2008 10:44

Blimey, a friend with the sensitivity of a house brick. Just what you need.

Hope she doesn't make a habit of it....

Blu · 23/10/2008 10:48

except that that sort of insensitivity / thinking is too common to be geuinely shocking - depressingly.

You are not being over-sensitive - but you're probably right that she didn't mean it 'like that'.

But JimJams phrase 'wrong audience' springs to mind, and it may be worth having that ready for if she says anything like that again.

Peachy · 23/10/2008 10:52

Ditto the others, makes me arrghhhh. A close frined has a child that is clearly AS, gets help from ds1's statement (i'd fume but i'm all fumned out today, my quota of fume is diminished) but she says he ahs probl;ems 'but she knows he's OK'.

I love her dearly so I don't say anything.

Peachy · 23/10/2008 10:53

(but I'm a cow and I robably would have muttered that Sn can happen at any time.....)

madmouse · 23/10/2008 11:01

snarky I love your logic!

from my (Christian) point of view ds was made in God's image, so also pretty perfect

silly people

MerlinsBeard · 23/10/2008 11:04

emkana

Everybody has their own ideas of perfection (in all aspects of life) but i hate it when people imply that there is something "wrong" with children because they don't comply to the "norm" that society has made

needmorecoffee · 23/10/2008 11:10

nice sensitive friend there emkana!
dd is who she is and normal for dd and no-one else.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2008 11:13

You're not being oversensitive.

She was tactless and rude.

Tell her to watch 'Cutting Edge' tonight. It's about a child who was born 'perfect'. She's now a junkie.

Anything can happen in life because it is not perfect.

I have gotten comments about how 'normal' my DD1 looks.

I say, she doesn't just look normal. She looks beautiful. Because she is as beautiful inside as out and my fondest hope is that she stays that way.

Peachy · 23/10/2008 11:16

I get poeple shocked that ds1 looks (apparently) 'like an Angel'- and isn't.

No judging going on there then

FrankenSoph73 · 23/10/2008 11:21

Peachy - you, a cow, don't believe it Fortunately, so far, I haven't had any stupid comments about DS2 - he is only 6 months old though so there's plenty of time!!

Peachy · 23/10/2008 11:24

That's coz he's gorgeous Soph.

I am a cow sometimes- I didnt use to be but the area controlling the break between mouth and speaking vanished; I seem to say and then think

FrankenSoph73 · 23/10/2008 11:28

Thanks Peachy, we think so
You and I sound like we´ve got something in common - forgetting to engage brain before opening gob. I have found myself having to discreetly leave rooms before really upsetting people. Fortunately I don't do it too often so still have managed to hold onto some friends