home/school book: how would you handle this?

[sphil]

I have suspected for some time that Ds2's 1:1 only writes positive stuff in the home/school book and doesn't mention if he's upset/unfocused etc. I spoke to the SENCO about it (and about how much we appreciated detailed comments, positive and 'negative')and she said she'd spoken to the 1:1 about it.

Today when I collected DS2 another teacher told me that the 1:1 had said to her that DS2 'didn't want to do anything very much today'. When we got home I opened the home/school book. it says ' DS2 has had a good morning. We did X, Y, Z etc.'

What do I do about this? I know they want to stress the positive, amd I'm all for this, but I feel as if I'm not being told the truth. It's not as if this particular example is very serious, but I think it underlies something bigger - the reluctance to tell me if anything goes less than well. His 1:1 is great but very young and is(I suspect) a bit intimidated by me. The fact that he does p/t school, p/t home programme is an issue too I think - school are very keen to stress how well he's doing at all times. So how do you think I should handle it - if at all?

We have had loads of problems with home/school books.

My daughter was in a MS reception class with support and it was not working well. They had 2 books, one with E had a lovely day etc and one with the true picture. Once they sent the 'wrong' book home and we were devastated.

I think it is great that they do write in the book and give you some information about the day but is maybe something to discuss at a review or parents evening.

Ours isn't kept in the bookbag, he has a little rucksack with link book / dairy free drink and snack in. Much more secure though tbh if people want tor ead it they can, nosey buggers.

For soemr eason people think giving you only the positive will empower or protect you. People need to realise that honesty is the most empowering thing as you have the reality then and can plan for it.

Definitely a review / p evening matter but also write it in the book itself for tomorrow.

The 1-1 we have atm is open and honest and as a result she and the teacher are starting to be open about ds3's true issues (they actually said that he is clearlya sd and also unlikely to function independently- first time anyone ever had the guts to say it to me and I appreciated it so much). That honesty is essential for a good working relationship otherwise trust will falter.

iF YOU WANT THE BOOK TO CONTAIN EVERYTHING (oops) I suggest yuo write a letter and tell them that. Don't rely on the casual word,document everything. (oh, and remember to write in it yourself every day. It's great to hear what the kids do at home.)

iF YOU WANT THE BOOK TO CONTAIN EVERYTHING (oops) I suggest yuo write a letter and tell them that. Don't rely on the casual word,document everything. (oh, and remember to write in it yourself every day. It's great to hear what the kids do at home.)

good point moondog, I hadn't thought of ever writing in ours, will do now.
Our book is usually mainly full of positive things, but they are pretty good at telling me any concerns when I collect him.

Yes!!! Exactly!
Teachers moan that they get no feedback and when I ask if they have asked parents to contribute, they go quiet.....

Another tip: write in a different colour so it is easy to see who writes what at a glance.

Include everything, even stuff you might see as trivial/inconsequentail .

They do that with ds1's but I find it annoying and will raise it with SENCO at next meeting; daily works so much better.
I get a list of days with him with how many poeple he's attacked - far too late to try and do anything about it!

ds3's is muc better managed, daily and his 1-1 writes in it at lunchtime as she goes off then, a whole page about how happy he's been / what they've done etc etc. I dot eh same most days (I sometimes write less but todays for example had a list of newer stims in- 'ds3 spent Saturday evening licking the side of the generator he was chained to'- that sort of stuff)

There aren't any Mums who help in the class (it's not a big thing at the school) and tbh I wouldn't mind if anyone wanted to waste their time reading it. I'd feel very differently if DS2 was aware of/cared what other people thought though.
Peachy - you have said exactly what I feel! Can I quote you?
Moondog - I always write in the book. Good idea about the different colour, although I think no-one would have any trouble picking out my comments - they're the ones in essay form .

We have a meeting next week and I'll raise it then. Thanks for your input everyone.

Why didn't that work? waste their time

PMSL Sphil

AAArgghh - which one's the hyphen then???

Wot, at me wanting to quote you? Or my hyphen misuse?

No wanting to quote me- I feel honoured.

Ad about the essay is the boo- I do that too

See, how did you do that cross out thingy?

you have to surround each word, not the whole phrase. it's a pita.

no-one writes anything in our h-s book except me. i write pages. maybe that's what's putting the staff off...

I gave ds1's mainstream school a tick chart to fill in. So it had things like behavour with a 1 to 5 scale (from sad face to happy face), stimming etc. It was from an ABA site I think. Took them 2 seconds to fill in but I found was more reliable than 'he was fine'.

I would happily swap homeschool books today though. DS1 is BIG trouble - he BIT a member of staff today - first time ever AFAIK, and I suspect a response to our new found strictness at home. He had to miss hydro (and he will have understood why so good choice of punishment I think).

With ds his 3 TAs write in the book for his different lessons - e.g. numeracy, literacy etc. Then his teacher and I have arranged that she will award him starts for good behaviour too. He can earn a star for the morning and another for the afternoon plus one each for play and lunch. If he has a good day and manages to earn all 4 starts he gets a bonus star. The amount of time he gets to play on the PS2 Wii etc is calculated by these stars (15 mins per star).

It works well as I tend to get reasonably well detailed feedback from the TAs plus stars from the teacher that DS then gets a reward from (or not!)

Its really important to have honest feedback in the diary otherwise whats the point in having one. We, as parents, love to hear what our child is doing well but we need to hear what difficulties they are having too otherwise we can't support the school or our children.

That tick box thing sounds good jimjams. Sorry to hear ds has had a bad day.

Ahh having a mad typo day - i meant stars not starts!

Oh dear about the biting
I like the idea of the tick chart too. Spend a great deal of working life waging war against well intentioned but essentially meaningless comments like
'Susan really enjoyed herself today'
'David was very happy all mornig'
'Annabel worked hard'

Complete and utter waste of time.

Ds1's teacher and teaching assistants don't usually have the time to write in his book . I'd love to know more details, but I always think "what if I pester and they're really busy?" . I think he's usually ok at school, but would like to know the negative stuff as well.

Sphil-are you able to go and spend a morning at the school so you can see for yourself where he is having difficulty and then maybe gently point out to the TA what you need to know.
I think it is almost second nature for teachers/TA's to talk in positives to parents of all children (NT or otherwise) so it might need a bit of gentle coaching. We had the total opposite last year. A nursery nurse who seemed to delight in recounting every misdemenour.
New setting much better but teacher did say she wouldn't be detailing every troublespot as it might be an issue they were working through with him and/or it was an issue that they would normally expect with ds's age group and wouldn't normally be reporting to parents on.
Do agree though that honesty is power and helps in developing our children.