I am so angry I'm shaking

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

We had an initial assessment with a community paed over three weeks ago, which I posted about at the time. DS is almost three and concerns are it's ASD.

We've heard nothing back, our HV and GP don't even have the report.

I've just opened this mornings post and got a letter telling us we have been referred to child protection.

Apparantly at the appt I smelled faintly of alcohol and didn't engage encouragingly with the DC.

I m so angry, at the appt it was me, DP and our two DC, it was mainly questions directed at us, for over an hour, in a hot room with no toys or distraction for the children. They were not interested in the books I'd brought from home. I tried to stop them grabbing the measuring tapes/ pulling rolls of tissue down etc, but could hardly be relaxed.

As for the alcohol, we had a bottle of wine between us the night before over dinner. is that a crime?

The letter also not only refers to me as 'mrs x' when I'm actually mrs y (we are not yet married) but also spells Ds's name wrong (trivial I know, but annoyed me)

I'm scared and angry, especially that resources might be wasted on this and not where we actually need them.

Useless f's.

[staryeyed]

I can not believe that those incompetent idiots have put you guys through this, I am truly shocked. Its very scary to see what they make of such trivial things.

[Peachy]

And the ridiculous thing f course is that if you were post-dx and begging for help they'd ignore you. Really they would- although they told us to refer ds1 (then 7, asd, aggressve) to chil protection for abusing ds2! ffs

btw, I referred my friend (hated to do it) through nspcc; she was on meds that made hrer sleep all day with 2 under 5's self caring; her dh lived away (with his thai wife!) but was violent when here and dealing porn in front the kidsthey didnt follow up!

[MannyMoeAndJack]

This is shocking. I'm guessing that the community paed. who has made this terrible referral is young, childless and inexperienced?

From how you describe the scenario, it seems that the basis on which this paed. has referred you is completely baseless. You must be frantic with worry. I hope you get some swift advice tomorrow with how to best deal with this situation.

It's a safe bet that there'll be a long, drawn out process to satisfy those in authority that nothing is amiss - and as you have already noted, all those resources should've been directed at helping your ds with his difficulties, not spent on pointless interrogations.

All the very best of luck with sorting this out.

[drowninginlaundry]

reading your stories is just too shocking for words.

[Seuss]

Horrifying, I really hope you get can all this straightened out as soon as possible. You don't sound like a shit mum at all, you sound like all the rest of us in those horrid appointments. Take care and good luck.

[edam]

Oh AmIWhat, that is DREADFUL. You must be beside yourself. Arrogant, useless, ignorant tosser. Grr. Hope some of the wise words from people who have (very sadly) been in similar circs will help.

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

Thanks to everyone. I am finding it hard to get any information at the moment.

The duty Health Visitor has told me it was noted as a cause for concern that the DC didn't have their jabs done on the right timescale.

Forgive me for being a mother with other things to do ffs.

I've also been told that it was a 'red flag' when I missed appointments due to funerals. Again, I wish I hadn't lost my grandparents , is that a reason to doubt me? And if so I hate them for it.

[Raine3]

That is so awful and shocking too, I agree with the others that you need to seek profesional advice from either CAB or welfare rights before you confront them ... good luck x

[cyberseraphim]

The things they are saying don't make sense. You don't need permission to go to a funeral. I think you need some help from your local Citizens Advice Bureau. You need to get someone to represent you and to state your rights.

[MannyMoeAndJack]

It seems that they are picking on you and using the slightest excuse in order to do so. It also sounds as though they don't trust you - lots of parents don't vaccinate their kids, so why are they doubting you? I think you must get some professional advice quickly before these people start complaining that your kids' clothes are not coordinated. Good luck.

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

Again, thanks for all your support.

We got a visit this afternoon, out of the blue. I'd just got home from taking DS to his new preschool to sort out his sessions.

I was literally shaking but invited him in, made him coffee and biscuits, and was frank and open. He said he sees no need for any further contact, but we should let him know if we feel a need for support later.

Thank god he was so lovely, it's not what I expected. He saw the childrens room which has just been decorated and looks brilliant but didn't ask to see the rest of the house. I expected a full interrogation tbh.

It seems like a bit of hot air, as some of you have suggested. I am just so pleased I could cry with relief, all we need is hassle from the state right now.

In good news, DS will start his preschool in a couple of weeks. It's a lovely place, and a fellow mumsnettters DD is going to the same place.

[magso]

Well you had nothing to hide, so hopefully he saw that!It must have been a really awful few days for you, and I'm angry on your behalf.
Hope that is the end of it (except for giving support if and when you need it). Hope preschool goes well.

[MannyMoeAndJack]

Thank goodness for that but you should ask for an apology from that community paed for the stress and inconvenience that he's put you and your family through (though I wouldn't hold your breath). Onwards and upwards.

[Seuss]

Really glad you got it sorted.

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

oh gosh what a relief, but poor you having to go through it all.

[edam]

Glad the visit went well but appalling that you've been caused so much worry anyway. I wonder if it's to do with that new computer system they are setting up, keeping details of all our children? Seem to recall the plans were that any health/ss/education/whatever professional involved with a family could raise a 'flag' on the system and three flags would trigger something.

Would explain why late jabs + missed appointments + one arrogant blinkered doctor who should know MUCH better dropped you in it.

Shows exactly why the whole concept is crap, IMO.

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

Late/lack of jabs is on the form that SS fill in when they do an assessment so classed as a reason for concern. Which makes me livid considering jabs are not compulsory in this country. Luckily only ds1 is ever assessed in our house so I never have to explain no jabs, only no boosters.

[MannyMoeAndJack]

That's an easy one to answer...whenever I'm asked whether my ds's jabs are up to date, I say, 'yes' because according to me and my schedule, they are. Simple!

[luckylady74]

So pleased to hear your news