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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Patronising comments from professionals

51 replies

TotalChaos · 19/08/2008 16:50

"you can get two or three books a week for free from library for DS you know". . Instead of coldly retorting that I was a regular library user, I think I should have played along and made her give me the address and phone numbers of all the nearby libraries

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moondog · 20/08/2008 06:25

I once spent about 10 mins. explaining 'glue ear' to parent complete with helpful diagrams. After my spiel he smiled pleasantly and said 'Yes I know. I'm a GP actually.'

BriocheDoree · 20/08/2008 07:26

Ah yes, health visitors. We had some really good ones when DD was a baby. There's a similar thing in France called PMI. When DS was a newborn I took him to be weighed and they had the gall to tell me not to mix BF with formula and I never went back! Fortunately they don't feel obliged to "check up on you" here.
Sorry, this is rather off topic...but was wanting to ask Moondog about signing. Have been considering starting with DS - he's already 13 mos and we think NT (although we couldn't tell with DD until at least 2.5). Have I left it too late or should I start now? Considering trying makaton in the hope DD will pick some up as well. I was thinking that she's too verbal already, but from what you are saying about "wh" questions, perhaps that could help her too?

vjg13 · 20/08/2008 07:56

When a consultant was explaining my daughter's special needs to us at a private appointment he said 'put it this way she isn't going to university' and then followed it up by saying 'at least she has her looks' !! The nurse helpfully slung a box a tissues towards me.

pagwatch · 20/08/2008 08:21

some classic ones on here.

we were a few months into the lets show him to everyone we can think of assessment process when a Paediatric consulant spent an hour with my screaming hysterical non verbal child and asked me if I had considered taking him to playgroup to help him socialise more

cyberseraphim · 20/08/2008 08:26

My HV told me autism was caused by food additives. She might have been conflating it in her mind with ADHD but I'm not sure. To be fair, the same HV was quite hesitant about him at his 10 month check so she must have noticed the lack of engagement.

Original poster

TotalChaos · 20/08/2008 08:34

Brioche - not at all too late for signing. People only start it mega early with NT kids as signing is easier than speaking muscle wise, so they can get their 8 month old PFB to sign milk before they are able to say it.

oh yes pag, amazing how toddler groups cure anything from PND to speech delay . When DS was 3, and I was waiting for the assessments, with a child with a severe problem, I found it very hard to face these sort of groups.

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Seuss · 20/08/2008 09:02

We had a peadiatrician who, on seeing my 6mth baby bump, helpfully informed us ds1 would suffer a set back when baby was born. Then when he came to see ds at his nursery I told him I was worried that ds1 should be starting school full-time and nothing seemed to be in place he said 'We'll fall off that bridge when we come to it'! I think maybe he had a slightly whacky sense of humour but it didn't stop me wanting to punch him!

vjg13 - 'at least she has her looks' -

daisy5678 · 20/08/2008 12:33

I think I will win this .

When J was referred to the paed aged 3, he was convinced that J had ADHD and possibly something else (which he was right about - J is dx'd ADHD and autism now), but here the paeds don't like to dx ADHD at all; they like CAMHS to do it, who won't see anyone before age 5.

But paed was so convinced that he started the dx process - Connors forms etc. - but also here they have to send you down the parenting class route before they will formally dx anything (which I guess makes sense, with such a young child, but I was a bit .) The paed said that he doubted it would be that amazing, but that I might pick up something useful.

So I opted for parenting 'coaching' at the local Sure Start centre. 1:1, so I explained to her at the first appointment that I am a teacher, that I actually run parenting classes for parents of teenagers and that I think I have quite a good knowledge of parenting.

OK, she said. I get you.

Here were some of the gems given to me in the 3 sessions that I attended:

"It's really important to spend time with your child. Sometimes you could sit and play with him. Or even maybe read to him."

"Have you tried praising him? You could say 'good boy' or 'well done'."

"Think of your heart like a money box. You've got to fill it up with love bit by bit so that there's lots of love to give him. Then if he takes some love away, there's still lots of love left."

"Have you asked him to stop turning the lights on and off?"

I stopped going. The paed agreed when I told him I felt I'd get more out of a book than from her.

daisy5678 · 20/08/2008 12:37

Or the parenting support woman from behaviour support who said "at least he's good looking - people like helping the attractive ones - he wouldn't get half as much help if he was ugly"

(vjg13's one reminded me of that)

I did say that I thought the 32.5 hours of 1:1 help in his Statement that she was referring to was more as a result of my hard work than J's looks, but she didn't look convinced.

I also said that it's hard to notice his stunning good looks when he's slapping, biting, spitting, kicking etc. and she said 'ah bless' I asked if she'd like an hour of babysitting if she thought it was all so lovely and cute.

moondog · 20/08/2008 13:38

Blimey, some of these people are nowt but professional arseholes!

Brioch, I second that. Not too late at all.
Will help alot if you are consistent and do it all the time.

misscutandstick · 20/08/2008 16:24

Yes i agree, its never too late to start signing - i think start with the basics and just use a few until they've got the hang of why you are flapping your hands all over the place (not sure if thats the correct method, but mine seem to manage it that way).

Incidentally i started using makaton with DS4 at about 9-10mths and his favourite were 'down' (from highchair) 'biscuit' and 'juice'. He stopped using it hisself when he started talking at about 18mths. Recently hes got into it again because we are trying to teach non-verbal DS5 (2.3y) to sign (preDx Autism/PDD). DS4 speaks fluently and has no problems but loves to sign all that he knows! so i know it wont stop any speech. Good luck with it, im sure it can only help.

And on the helpful comments front;

HV: "hmm, hes not putting on weight, have you tried feeding {on solids} him?"
ME: "yes, but he is really sick"
HV "well all babies do that"
ME: "my other 4 havent"
HV: "well puree some pasta for him, and lots of custard, that will put him the weight on"

... hes actually cassein and gluten intolerant, and would have been worse if id have followed any of her advice.

PS what does 'PFB' mean?

misscutandstick · 20/08/2008 16:26

moondog - sorry cross-post, didnt mean to toe-tread

misscutandstick · 20/08/2008 16:28

OMG!!! the 3hr time lag cross-post, thats impressive! (kids a little lively, didnt refresh the page)

moondog · 20/08/2008 17:55

Miss, you're not at all.
Really useful advice!

Original poster

TotalChaos · 20/08/2008 17:57

PFB means Perfect First Baby - as in the things that proud new parents do and say - oh my kid will only ever play with wooden toys/never watch tv etc.

Moondog - have bought lessons 1-40 of headsprout this aft (fingers crossed no customs charges).

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BriocheDoree · 20/08/2008 18:04

Must admit, my paediatrician (who I really like) actually apologised that she had completely missed DD - said that she hadn't wanted to comment about DD's behaviour because she wasn't sure if it was a cultural difference (DD is not wild, just incapable of sitting still and a bit of a climber). She hadn't noticed the speech because DD doesn't (won't?) speak French (though as far as we can tell, she understands a fair bit). She was a bit blown away when I showed her DD's SALT report!

moondog · 20/08/2008 18:12

TC, have you got online version?

Original poster

TotalChaos · 20/08/2008 18:24

no, I couldn't see how to order it online.....

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Original poster

TotalChaos · 20/08/2008 18:25

I mean I couldn't figure out any way to order it as download, rather than ask them to ship the disks to me.

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moondog · 20/08/2008 18:25

Really? Must investigate...

moondog · 20/08/2008 18:30

I can't really see as my account already purchased. Email them maybe? They are soooo helpful and get backstraigh away. I really think online is better as, like I said, if you at grandparetns or something, yyou can log in in seconds and do an episode.

Original poster

TotalChaos · 20/08/2008 18:37

I will e-mail them to investigate, thanks Moondog1

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Original poster

TotalChaos · 20/08/2008 18:41

doh! have just checked my e-mail and my headsprout account - and lessons 1-40 are now available online!

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moondog · 20/08/2008 18:46

There ya go!
Remember to read accompanying lit. carefully and not interfere too much. Instructions are donme to specific format,so even if some initial confusion, it will come.

eg There is instruction along lines of
'Click on the letter that is not s/t/r' and so on which dd found hard initially.

Please keep me updated on progress, out of personal interest and for purposesof research too. Also pass on any comments to headsprout. They love getting them and give feedback straightaway.

misscutandstick · 20/08/2008 19:08

who/what is headsprout, and ....

OMG total sidetrack here but how ironic, couldnt decide on wether or not it should be a 'who' or 'what' kinda question and retyped it like 10times!!!

anyhoo

WHO is headsprout aimed at?

DOH!

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