What are the odds that baby will be disabled/brain damaged/very special needs?

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I am expecting third baby and feel I am worrying overly that there will be a problem with this baby. It is as if I am trying to come to terms with it in advance (impossible I'm sure). I am worrying about how it would affect rest of family and worse still and am so sad and ashamed to admit this - that I would regret having third child.

Is there a website that actually lets you look at the true odds of things going wrong with babies in the womb/during childbirth, so I can get my head around the actual facts. Perhaps it would make me worry more though......

Lovely story. Get what you mean about no agenda - I think thats what is lovely about ds1's special school, the fact that everyone just is who they are and no-one cares about daft things or how they look to others or anything.

at your friend tho!

That is a lovely story although am also at your friend.

Just to agree with everyone else really. Have really got a lot out of reading this thread. What a nice group of people you all are.

Jimjams - at the risk of sounding very slushy - thank you for sharing that with us. I know that sounds trite but I really mean it.

I think it was a final piece of acceptance for me SSB. Took years to get there though When they're little everything is compared to 'normal' and there's a drive to try and catch up and a oush for 'normal'. Anything else is seen as not being as good or as worthy.

As ds1 has got older 'normal' has become less and less relevant to him, and I do feel now he can have his own experiences and not be compared to others anymore.

And that's a happy place to be. His life is pretty full now. He's started climbing, he goes walking on Dartmoor, he;s been to Ireland this year and we're going to go camping for 3 nights soon. That sounds pretty good for a 9 year old boy to me.

Jimjams, that is inspiring. It really is.

Lourobert - your story is great, although I share others' at your friend's response!

I try not too but I will never stop comparing ds to others....I know its silly and pointless but cant help it!

He's still tiny though lourobert- and at an age when everyone compares children.

A good move for us was the move to special school. IN mainstream all ds1's targets were in comparison to normal, as were his assessments and teacher's comments. ONce he got to special school he started to be compared to himself rather than others. That helped too.