I have an idea, but DH thinks it is awkward, weird, strange AND odd. What do you think?

[TinySocks]

DH used all those words! So he really means it.
It is about toilet training DS1 (3.5 y/o GDD). He doesn't seem to understand that he needs to ask me for the toilet before producing the goods.

This is the potty training status with him:

He is only using nappies for the night, never during the day.
He can stay dry for 2.5 to 3 hours without a problem.
When I take him to the toilet (at home or when out) he has no problem producing. He just concentrates for a couple of seconds and listo.
He knows he shouldn't go in his pants.
If I ask him "DS do you need the toilet?", he always replies NO (it's on auto mode)
I've tried giving him chocolate after he goes.
I even tried using ancientmum's cold shower technique when he poos in his pants.

Nothing is working! I can read his body language really well now, so if I see that he is about to have a bowel movement, I tell him, "wait wait WAIT let's go to the toilet", and he is able to wait while I dash him to the toilet.

If I don't take him to the toilet (after his 3 hour gap), just to see what happens, he goes in his pants and then comes looking for me to tell me about it.

SO, here is what I thought. He is very much a visual learner. So my idea is to ask 2 or 3 friends to allow me to film their kids asking them for the toilet, then taking them to the toilet, sitting on it, flushing, washing hands. I would then show DS this tape over and over again until he realizes that he needs to ask me before the event.

DH thinks no way jose should I ask my friends to film their children in the toilet. But I tell him that my friends know about DS's problem, they know I am a decent person, so what is the problem?

What do you ladies think? I really don?t want to ask my friends for a favour that would be too awkward.

"PS: What I started doing this morning is asking DS to take me to the toilet. Maybe that will help."

yes - we did that too, it helped a lot

I won't to it! But just wanted to give you an idea of what I had in mind:

first example

second example

the second one.......why on earth would his mum put that on youtube

that poor boy when he is older!!!!!!!!!!!

Could you video your son when he does manage to go and let him watch himself?

In terms of social stories, you can probably find stuff on the internet - something like sam26847.tripod.com/id23.htmlthis - sorry very American but you get the idea.

I prefer to write my own, using photos - because then I can emphasise the right bits in a way that he can understand.

For example.. When Ds1 was a baby he used to wear a nappy and do all his poos and wees in his nappy. (picture of Ds1 as a baby). Now Ds1 is bigger he wears big boys pants (picture). When Ds1 wants to do a poo he tells Mummy (picture of him talking to you). Mummy takes him to the toilet (picture) etc etc- I would finish with emphasis on the key part - something like "Mummy says "well done Ds1, you told me you wanted to go the toilet, and you didn't go in your pants" or something like that. You will know the best type of language to use.

HTH.

We have found that watching a video of himself doing something successfully is great for Ds2 - it is even possible to create memories that don't actually exist! I find if I show Ds2 a video of him using a piece of equipment at his OT session, that will be the piece that he starts off on next time. So I do think videoing your Ds1 is a good idea also with some careful editing.

itati: The objective of the video would be for him to see a child requesting the toilet. So for example a child saying "mummy toilet", then mummy taking him to the toilet, etc. He never does this so a video of himself would not work. I want him to understand that he needs to come to me and tell me "toilet" if he needs to go.

Thanks for the info Saker. Will try to figure something out.

I think for a very little boy with GDD he is doing incredibly well with toileting. I'm sorry but I am surprised you see this as a problem or as something that requires very unpleasant aversive training. I would absolutely hate a cold shower.
My own son has 'only' dyspraxia and took a very long time to be reliable.
I also suspect he is not all sure of his own bodily sensations. My son certainly wasn't and now, at the age of six, is still taken by surprise by them. I can tell he needs a wee, but he doesn't always connect his physical feelings with needing a wee or poo, so we can still end up with a big rush to the loo and the odd accident.
I suspect it will take time for him to recognise the physical sensations for a need to go to the loo, and he will eventually start taking himself off. He is still very young. Lots of NT boys are still struggling at three.

Thanks for the link Tclanger. I thought social storied were shown as pictures? I shall search a bit!

You asking him to take you to the toilet is a great idea!

What is your ds' communication like generally? Does he ask for things? Can he use short sentneces?

When I was toilet training my DD I looked at all the books and showed her all the other little girls photographed on the potty. And when my DD's cousin who is 3 months younger was toilet training I sent pictures (from the side) of my DD on the loo waving!

It's not weird at all to want to show- and kids learn best by example.
Have you any friends who have kids who can come over and go to the loo with your DS?
When they see other kids doing the business, they twig it.

I used also to make practice runs, from every area of the house - I'd take DD's hand and then we would practice how we would get to the loo from there. we would walk quickly and sing loo loo skip to the loo!

I'd also insist on practice runs on the loo (Pardon the pun) as in: it's 2 hours since we were on the loo, lets practice going now. Not getting focussed on the production, just underlining the process.

HTH and good luck - toilet training is tough and I'm thinking of you and every carer who is engaged in this process. I think I found it harder than establishing breastfeeding actually!

Oh hi everyone and thanks for remembering me Tclanger, how sweet of you

Sorry desperatehousewife, I hadn't seen your question before: yes he can make his needs known very well and he has been saying 2-3 word sentences for about a month now.

zazen: thanks for the words of encouragement. When friends come over or I go to them I do try to involve DS in the toilet saga! But the thing about the video was that I would be able to show it to him a few times a day. (specially he requesting bit). My friends are great, so they don't mind letting DS in the bathroom when their kids go, I am sure it helps.

Tc: Shame I don't live in the UK! I need a woolies here. I'll look it up in amazon.

My update is that I am still asking DS to take me to the toilet, he is so sweet, he shows me a huge grin, takes my hand and drags me to the toilet. So cute [love my boy emotion]!
Took cyber's advice and I am just relaxing much more about it. The problem is that I need him to be toilet independant for school.

The only reason I asked (so you don't think I was just being nosey!) was to check that he had the language skills to tell you. He obviously does and it's good that he can request things generally.

When you take him to the loo, try getting him to say 'toilet please' just before he sits/stands at the loo to go. Gradually, get him to ask 'toilet please' further away from the loo.

Alternatively, (or even simultaneously) you could take a pecs type approach and get him to give you a photo or symbol to tell you he needs to go.

When you model it for him, use the same 'toilet please' message to him.

Instead of asking 'do you need the toilet?', try reminding him to tell you when he needs the toilet. That might be too complex language wise but give it a go.

hth along with all the other suggestions

Thanks for that DHW, didn't think you were being nosey at all! ask away.
Really good idea about getting him to say toilet please when I take him. Will try that.

Hiya
i read your post a few days ago, and had been thinking about your situation. I suddenly remembered when one of my dd's was younger we used to watch this programme, which had a bit about toilet training. couldn't beleive it when the song came into my head lol and now can't get rid of it.

Anyway I managed to find it on youtube. Only thing is is that it's American, and it's a little girl rather than a boy, so not sure if your Son will be ok with that.
Here's the link, fingers crossed it works!

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yv8FCVU8CZU

oooh here's another one...

we used to watch this one too lol

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wHU0LXYJdO8

oh thank you so much Geri2 . You are a real star.
I've just shown it to DS and he enjoyed it, will keep showing it to him. I wish I could fine one where the child actually asks the parent for the toilet. If you come across something where the child initiates the request.

BIG HUGE HUGS! THANKS.

oops, I didn't complete my sentence:
If you come across something where the child initiates the request please let me know.

LOL - I remember the bear potty song from ds1 - he really enjoyed it too!