New headteacher is happy for DS to get run over when in meltdown!

[daisy5678]

I don't think I appreciated until now how good the Infant School have been. We've had our ups and downs with them, but they've always actively wanted J to remain there and tried everything I've suggested. They've taken on board the ADHD and the autism, and they're been really pro-active in getting restraint training, using his full time TA for maximum impact, giving him his own safe, quiet space for when it all gets too much etc.

The Junior school is a whole different ball game. I don't think they want him there. They don't seem to be willing to work with me at all, on point of principle that it's not up to me - despite the fact that I am J's mother, and therefore know him best, as well as being a teacher. These were the highlights of this week's discussions:

1)If he runs out of school and into the road (he is a runner and escaper), we're not following him.

2. No. I'm not having a safe area made for J. There's no space. What will the other children think?

3. He will have to learn to do as we tell him. If we say it's Maths, it's Maths. He'll just have to do as he's told. (Ohhhh...it's just that simple. Stupid me.)

4. He'll have the same sanctions applied as everyone else. He's got to learn to be part of the school.

5. No, he can't necessarily have the teacher that he has had for a whole year and who works with him really well. No, there are no down-sides, but I won't be dictated to about which teacher a child has. No, I know he has autism and hates change and everything around him will be changing and it would make most sense to keep the same teacher (who is happy to have him again) and every person at the transition meeting including CAMHS consultant says that change is difficult and needs to be minimised, but I'm the Head, goddammit, and I will decide.

6. No, I won't let the LEA put a button on the door to slow J down when he wants to run out of schoo. He'll have to learn that he has to stay in his seat in the classroom.

7)We will do our best as long as J will.

8. I know that J does not like being shouted at and reacts really badly, but I will shout at him if he behaves badly.

9. No, none of our staff are trained in restraint. No, I haven't got time for them to be trained in it.

10. We'll just have to hope that he doesn't need restraining.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH.

I despair. Part of me just wants to let them start it with their naive little ideas and mess it up - at which point they'll try and exclude him and I will refuse to let them, and mutter about disability discrimination and reasonable adjustments and they'll see that they have messed up royally- but then J will have made a bad start and I can't bear that for him

If only the HT would listen to the Infant School HT, teacher and TA, rather than thinking that he knows best. The Transition meeting was a joke. 6 teachers (including HTs), social worker, me, CAMHS consultant psych, OT, behaviour specialist teacher...all a waste of time. No further on than we were.

Why is everything so complicated? I know that I get a bit stressy at these meetings, and it can get people's backs up, but I do know what I'm talking about, and J should come before people's pride. Also, I find it shocking that there's such a basic lack of knowledge of how autism works - yes, J should do as he's told, but it doesn't work that way.

I can't even think about how next year will be

I had this problem with ds' old school. TBH I thought it was just common sense - not to mention common practise - to lock gates once children are in school. I pointed this out to the LEA in a stroppy letter and in my part of the statement. Ds left the school in the end but I went past the other day and there are notices on all the gates saying they will be kept locked during school hours. DS2 goes to a different school and all except their main entrance are locked, I don't think this is even a special needs issue I think it is basic child safety (from strangers and themselves.)

Sorry if I'm ranting but this was quite an issue for me at the time and seems one that can be so easily resolved. I for one do not mind walking around the school to find an open gate.

Rusty Bear - yes, that is what ds2 school is like and it def. makes sense for all the children and it makes the school property more secure as well so everyone is a winner - surely!

At DS's school the gates are locked other than around drop off/pick up time, they have an intercom system for other times.

That was the strangest thing at ds1's old school, they did have an intercom at the main entrance and you had to be buzzed into the school but if you walked around the corner (on really busy road) you could just stroll into the playground and wander around!

Bastards bastards bastards. Stupid me for believing that the LEA meant it when they said that all the work would be done by the summer holidays. Nothing's ready and it's too late to find a new school now...which I was talked out of with the reassurance that the changes would be made "whether the school liked it or not".

Bastards.

Well, the newpapers work during the summer, as (supposedly) do the LEA. I'm guessing that they can still get into the school via the caretaker.

They might think they've fobbed me off until September, but they're WRONG.

If they won't listen to you then I guess you have to play dirty!

Givemesleep - sorry this is happening! Does your LEA close for august (there is still next week)- are they working with you to sort out the school (do leas ever work with parents I wonder?) Are the safety things on the statement so they can be forced to comply (by doing the work over the holidays)? ((hug))

oh god that's awful.

If your son's statement has not been implemented fully then you can start a Judicial Review in the High Court. You can get Legal Aid for this in your son's name so it won't cost you anything. A letter from a lawyer is sometimes all it takes to let them know you are serious. Is there anything in the statement about ensuring his safety?

I am so sorry for you and your son. This is yet another example of piss poor inclusion and why, if it's working, it's down to luck. You said it's too late to find a new school - if there's urgent concern for his safety in this one surely the LEA will have to find a new placement? They are such wankers. And this attitude of teachers just really farking pisses me off. I've just hired a teacher who is also a SENCO to nanny for us for a month (she used to be a nanny for 8 years) and she went on and on yesterday how 'it's so hard because these children with SN take up so much of my time and all the other children are suffering' and 'I just don't know what to do with his behaviour' and I gave her a 15 minute lecture, almost shouting at the end of it, of how it's not the child's fault and that it's her responsibility as a teacher to ensure that ALL the children in her care get an education they deserve. We will stay clear of mainstream schools exactly for this reason. Sorry, rant over, I'm so angry for you. It's not fair.

Gaaarrgghh. Update time.

Well...J loves the school. Behaviour has massively improved. Autism outreach and also the Inclusion team are really pleased with how it's going and so am I. The gates got sorted. A safe space got sorted - but of course, only after lots of nagging and stress. So lots of good things...

BUT the school don't love him and are not happy. First they refused to let his TA use restraint, so meltdowns escalated and escalated. This was eventually resolved. Then they tried to exclude him for telling HT to shut up. HT was trying to make him apologise for refusing to do his work and thought that mid-meltdown would be the best time to try for this

When I said that I would consider it disability discrimination if he excluded J, he backed down but made it clear that he was disgusted by my attitude (bovvered emoticon)

Things have improved and improved with J's behaviour -virtually no violence this year at all - but right from October, the HT has been talking to the EBD school to get a place ready for him there - he has autism FFS and he will NOT go there - and didn't even tell me, but told loads of other people who then put it in their reports and sent me copies!

So we had review meeting yesterday - everyone was there - and social worker, autism outreach and inclusion people were all really good and said how well he was doing. J had written on his form how happy he is in school. I said how happy I was. School said right, well anyway we can't meet his needs so are asking for change of placement. Lots of us said, but you ARE meeting his needs as he's improving, but HT said no, we're not meeting his needs so he needs to go somewhere else. They'd totally exaggerated things in their report which they backed down on when challenged but it's on paper and in the report which will go to the placement panel - best example was "J throws furniture fairly frequently" - turns out only once. No prizes for guessing what they're trying to do there then

There IS nowhere else. He has loads of friends here and is making progress. The only other options are the EBD school or the special schools for severe autism (non-verbal) and learning difficulties. J is academically able.

There are two private schools an hour away which would cost between 50 and 80 grand so I will put to the LEA panel who will look at the request for change of placement the fact that it's much cheaper for current school to keep him.

There have been no complaints by parents. He loves it. He has a TA 100% of the time. Why can't they just do their best for him?

I don't care if they all hate me. I certainly hate them right now BUT J is so happy there and I'm hoping that if panel says no, he's staying, then they might just accept that they have to get on with it. So will wait and see about panel decision. HT has said that he'll work to help J for as long as J is at the school so let's see what happens if that promise is tested - he said that with the thought in his mind that J will be out by Christmas, but it won't work that way! I will go to Tribunal if LEA try to change named school so that will hold up any changes till Tribunal itself, won't it?

I think "Garrrghhh!" is indeed the right word.

I'd say it is discrimination, pure and simple. Trouble is, when a school's head wants a kid out, there's almost no limits they'll go to in order to achieve it, even if it's falsifying the records. Happened to us with our son and his last school, where they 'pretended' he had help in class in the reports and still wasn't coping, but he had none at all.

As you say, though, it's not as if there's a load of other options for him. If they can't be reasoned with about disability discrimination, then Tribunal, IPSEA, local MP, and if necessary the Press, I'd say. Probably all those are already in your thoughts.

DIL do you know when the panel meeting is?

We have had problems with the head teacher at my daughter's school being less than honest (but the other way saying everything is fine when it isn't) and I know how crap that is. Why do they think they can get away with it.

Sorry I meant GMSGMC when is the meeting!

Yes, Amber, local MP will probably be the next step. She was v helpful when LEA wouldn't raise his hours of 1:1 to full time last year - her intervention really sped the whole thing up and avoided a Tribunal.

The panel meeting with probably be the week before Christmas, VJG...great! So either it'll be a great Christmas or yet another one writing stroppy letters

Also have DLA Tribunal (new one as last one was adjourned) that week, so it's all a but much at the moment.

As school seem to have decided that he will attend EBD school, that's where I need to focus my energies.

How can I back up my instinct that an EBD school is not right for a child with autism? Are there any studies anyone's heard of?

My child is also at risk of EBD school butb if it gets that far he will g; I can'6t have him killing anyone regardless of 'best' placement. with ds1 this is a likelihood imo. I would rather he went to an appropriate ASD school but he is highly verbal and the asd school here only takes non verbal kids so not n option for us. Sadly.

Anyway. givemesleep-

the door button refusal may well be the ammo needed to case a dda claim (or threat of a claim) on as that directly correlates to safety rather than best practice /optimum environment. Speak to sos!sen and see what they think re that perhaps?

Our Head in infants as you know was similar with sam an no it didn't get any better at that school- we have a new head now for ds3 but all she can do is agree he needs to be lpaced elewhere. DS1 in the meantime continues in Juniors where here is a much better attitude and the staff work with me rather than against, but even then there seems to be a problem with admitting failuer. Why is that i wonder, LEA?

Presumably you are documeting everything (I know, grannies and eggs LOL), I suspect next port of call may ned to be a solicitor. SOS!SEN seemed to have lists of suitable ones to hand if that helps?

**Reposted as my link was wrong.

ASD children learn to be sociable by copying others. If your child goes to an EBD school, that is the sort of behaviour that he will copy. Resist it with every breathe that you have.

My LEA wanted to place my son in an EBD/PRU and there was no way on earth I was having that.

Your ASD son will be very vulnerable to bullying too and being led into danger and trouble by the more street wise children in an EBD school.

If you are under CAMHS, go and see them as soon as you can. They should be able to help by writing a letter to say how wrong it is for an ASD child to go to an EBD school.

Have a look/post on ASDfriendly.Org and you will also get some help as there are a few parents whose children were sent to EBD schools because the LEA said so and they have fought and got their children out of them and into ASD schools. Good luck.

If you haven't already, visit any school they could suggest to you not matter how unsuitable you consider it to be. Ask loads of questions and then compile your own list as to why it would not be appropriate for your son.

Thank you all so much for the replies. I've been trying not to think about it and just get through the last 2 weeks of term (Christmas shows etc. for J and lots of GCSE marking for me ) in a bit of denial.

The panel haven't even got the papers yet because the school couldn't be bothered to send the paperwork out on time and didn't send a copy of the minutes etc. to me until I'd asked 3 times! Predictably skewed minuting - didn't minute the fact that the teacher said he'd made progress since last year and didn't minute the HT admitting there've been no complaints about J, but the good news about their slack minuting is that they forgot to tick the 'the statement needs amending' box and instead ticked the 'maintain the statement as is' box!

They did put something vague about the LEA reviewing his placement but they've not really set out what they want to happen. I imagine panel will look at it still but there're no grounds really for moving him.

However, the SENCO is now allowing her dislike? anger? whatever for me to spill over into how she deals with J. He was absolutely amazing in his school show, really joined in so happily and was holding hands and dancing with all his friends (when he was supposed to!), but on the last night, he said goodbye to her in this cute happy little voice and she rolled her eyes and said goodnight in this really obviously bored voice.

Even J picked up on it (Why doesn't she like me Mummy? I was trying to be really good?) and he's bloody autistic without much awareness of others' feelings, so I was really but just told him she was probably tired (which she probably was).

The saddest thing is that I used to really get on with J's teacher last year when she had him and respected her so much. Now, in this new school, she KNOWS he's made progress but is backing HT in saying his needs can't be met. Now, I know she's under pressure but I feel so so let down and can't even really speak to her now, not even when I took in her Christmas present. Not fair on her I know, but I want everyone to stand up for him and stop treating him like the devil!

The other sad thing is all this uncertainty is making me so stressed and tired and leaving me less able to deal with J day-to-day. I keep reading all the OfSTED reports of all the special schools within an hour's radius and getting more and more determined that he will stay at his school. It's their attitude that needs to change - why should J leave? But then I do know the reality as so many of you have been through, like peachy, of a child being forced out and I don't want that to happen.

Peachy, I know what you mean about EBD school if you have the other alternative of risks, but the EBD school here would absolutely be the wrong place. Like you, there are no ASD places for HFA kids, but there are some around further away, or perhaps this will remind the LEA that more provision for these children need to be made, OR that mainstream needs to be funded and trained better to cope with them

I've spoken to three people who were at the meeting from outside agencies and they're all really firmly behind the fact that he should stay there but also suggesting that I get a plan B in case HT forces J out, and keep looking around for a better place. Which is what you've all said really. CAMHS psych is a bit non-committal because she thinks a special school could work better in terms of their attitude and reducing J's anxiety, but also thinks the friendships are too precious to chuck away.

If they force him out, I will go the DDA route and papers and everything. Have contacted SOSSEN and IPSEA, thanks, and will just have to wait until the panel have made a decision to fight against.

Am in process of writing letter to MP about general provision here for kids like J and will also outline the current situation with J. She might be a good ally if the 'wrong' decision is made by the panel!

Thanks so much, all of you. It's great having people who 'get' all this.

I just want to express my support. If I ever reach this point, I will hope to call up the same reserves of determination, passion and clarity of thought.

Well, the panel weren't given a chance to have an opinion - Head of SEN had a meeting with me last week and says that A) J won't be going to the EBD school cos it's inappropriate as the EBD stuff is caused by the autism and the school isn't for autism B) they will insist that the school J is at keeps him there and C) they will give the school money for an extra 5 hours for liaison/ resource prep. (so he now has 38 hours of funding a week) and will provide a laptop and refurbish the cupboard which is used as a calming room.

Over the moon with the LEA!

Not sure HT will be though

Really positive meeting...for once!

Thank you!

Battle not over yet - as LEA guy said, they can force HT to keep J, but not to work well with him or to want to, but J is happy there and that's the main thing!

Just so glad that LEA are on side, for whatever reason, as it makes it that much harder for HT to bully J out!