New headteacher is happy for DS to get run over when in meltdown!

[daisy5678]

I don't think I appreciated until now how good the Infant School have been. We've had our ups and downs with them, but they've always actively wanted J to remain there and tried everything I've suggested. They've taken on board the ADHD and the autism, and they're been really pro-active in getting restraint training, using his full time TA for maximum impact, giving him his own safe, quiet space for when it all gets too much etc.

The Junior school is a whole different ball game. I don't think they want him there. They don't seem to be willing to work with me at all, on point of principle that it's not up to me - despite the fact that I am J's mother, and therefore know him best, as well as being a teacher. These were the highlights of this week's discussions:

1)If he runs out of school and into the road (he is a runner and escaper), we're not following him.

2. No. I'm not having a safe area made for J. There's no space. What will the other children think?

3. He will have to learn to do as we tell him. If we say it's Maths, it's Maths. He'll just have to do as he's told. (Ohhhh...it's just that simple. Stupid me.)

4. He'll have the same sanctions applied as everyone else. He's got to learn to be part of the school.

5. No, he can't necessarily have the teacher that he has had for a whole year and who works with him really well. No, there are no down-sides, but I won't be dictated to about which teacher a child has. No, I know he has autism and hates change and everything around him will be changing and it would make most sense to keep the same teacher (who is happy to have him again) and every person at the transition meeting including CAMHS consultant says that change is difficult and needs to be minimised, but I'm the Head, goddammit, and I will decide.

6. No, I won't let the LEA put a button on the door to slow J down when he wants to run out of schoo. He'll have to learn that he has to stay in his seat in the classroom.

7)We will do our best as long as J will.

8. I know that J does not like being shouted at and reacts really badly, but I will shout at him if he behaves badly.

9. No, none of our staff are trained in restraint. No, I haven't got time for them to be trained in it.

10. We'll just have to hope that he doesn't need restraining.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH.

I despair. Part of me just wants to let them start it with their naive little ideas and mess it up - at which point they'll try and exclude him and I will refuse to let them, and mutter about disability discrimination and reasonable adjustments and they'll see that they have messed up royally- but then J will have made a bad start and I can't bear that for him

If only the HT would listen to the Infant School HT, teacher and TA, rather than thinking that he knows best. The Transition meeting was a joke. 6 teachers (including HTs), social worker, me, CAMHS consultant psych, OT, behaviour specialist teacher...all a waste of time. No further on than we were.

Why is everything so complicated? I know that I get a bit stressy at these meetings, and it can get people's backs up, but I do know what I'm talking about, and J should come before people's pride. Also, I find it shocking that there's such a basic lack of knowledge of how autism works - yes, J should do as he's told, but it doesn't work that way.

I can't even think about how next year will be

Can't believe it! What a terrible school!
on your and your ds' behalf!
Does he have a statement?
If not, I suggest you get one, sharpish!
What a t**t of a ht!

Oh yeah, deeja, he has a statement. 33 hours one-to-one support. Seems to mean nothing.

Tclanger, it is statutory in that it's the principle that the DDA is based on. the HT knows that he has to make 'reasonable adjustments' under the Disability Discrimination Act, but it seems to mean nothing either. After all, it's clearly unreasonable for me to expect the school to keep my son safe, according to him.

Thanks for the replies, guys. Need to plan my next move carefully.

oh that's so shitty of that headteacher. are there any better m/s schools for your lad in your area? or is there any chance the teachers/senco are OK, and it's just the head that's like that?

Givemesleep, I've just had a horrible flash of deja vu reading your post. DS's old school was just the same - a very controlling Head with the same prejudices and refusal to support him despite advice. At one point she told us ds was the most aggressive child with AS she'd ever taught but STILL she wouldn't put in support to keep him and everyone else safe. Like your son, he just wasn't wanted there.

So your boy has a statement. Well, I know dozens of parents around here who have statements for their children and they get hardly any of what's on it, however hard they fight and stand their ground. I know it's supposed to be a formal contract and legally binding but it doesn't work that way in real life - if there's no money in the pot to pay for services then it isn't there. And as for the Head... well, you can't change an attitude like that and in my experience there's little point trying.

Our solution was to find another school, and it's been the best decision we could have made. Ds is thriving, is supported and happy for the first time in his school life. He actually has friends and enjoys going to school, which we'd never have thought possible a year ago. Sometimes there are battles you simply can't win and for your child's sake you have to cut your losses and move on. Maybe that's your best option.

Yup, we went through this with son's last school. "He needs help? Too bad".

We moved him. Easier than changing a culture of contempt.

So sad to hear of this. Really am

No point stressing yourself out further by dealing with a HT like this with no understanding or feeling. Deeply ingrained attitudes like this in my experience can permeate the whole school and only change when the HT retires.

With such a crass attitude displayed by the HT it is clear that they don't want him and won't put any work in to help your DS. They will start building a case to permanently exclude him the first chance they get.

I would now actively look for another hopefully more welcoming school.

This is terrible. As a parent of 2 nt children, I would expect some of the safety issues to be sorted for every child in the school's sake.

How hard would it be to have a button put on to control access to the school (or the exit), for example? The head teacher seems to want to block everything that could help J be part of the school community, and that isn't fair.

I hope that you get this sorted out soon.

I would be very reluctant to send your DS to that school if I were you. Agree with others that with such an attitide things are unlikely to change. It does not sound as if he will be safe there, apart from anything else.
Is there an alternative school in your area?

KIck off big time with everyone you can possibly think of. Send some sort of summary of the meeting to the lea head plus MP plus statementing officers plus local councillors and in the meantime look for another school (unless the head goes).

You can't send him to a place with that idiot in charge. He's demonstrated that he doesn't have the faintest clue about autism/ADHD.

Thanks for all the replies. The LEA are already aware that things may not run smoothly and are sending in Inclusion Officers left, right and centre. Apparently the SENCO is excellent, as are the teachers, and the Inclusion Co-ordinator for the LEA rang me last week and basically said let's bypass the HT because the SENCO does understand autism and is apparently excellent.

I also know the SEN Governor of the school quite well, and my MP has been very involved, so they might be my next steps.

The LEA are well aware that there is no suitable special school and that this school is the best idea because the peers are so so supportive of him. Changing M/S may be more stressful for him than being at the school, tbh, just in terms of losing those peers. The CAMHS psych said that friends for ASD kids are like gold dust so it's best to keep him with them until we're left with no option. But it does look bleak, doesn't it.

The worst thing is that this HT has been coming to J's reviews at the infant school all year - Statement reviews, Child In Need reviews etc., and I have repeatedly asked him if he thinks that his school can cope with J on the info that he's hearing. He's repeatedly responded by saying he doesn't know J well and so can't really answer.

It's not like J has been an unknown quantity, so why would now be a good time in his mind to start putting up barriers?

I do think I should start looking at other M/S schools, but I hate that that should be necessary.

Hi givemesleep,

Re your comment:-

"The LEA are already aware that things may not run smoothly and are sending in Inclusion Officers left, right and centre. Apparently the SENCO is excellent, as are the teachers, and the Inclusion Co-ordinator for the LEA rang me last week and basically said let's bypass the HT because the SENCO does understand autism and is apparently excellent".

The LEA sending in such people may not actually make a hill of beans difference in long term as the head honcho i.e the HT refuses to hear the message. Such attitudes can often permeate downwards.

Am sorry to sound a bit cynical here but I'd actually ask for that comment made by the Inclusion Co-ordinator be put in writing to you because if the solids hit the air-con they'll likely deny ever suggesting such a thing!.

I'd still look at other schools.

Another possible option is to contact IPSEA www.ipsea.org.uk and talk through this situation with them. They have likely come across this sort of scenario before now.

HTH and good luck

Attila

Every story I have ever heard like this ended with a period of abject failure by the school in question and then the child going to another school.

I can only think he genuinely doesn't want any "challenging" SN kids in his school and knows that failing them is the only way to guarantee they go elsewhere. It's very, very wrong. There DDA ought to have teeth so sharp that heads like this one would have to carry a special soft cushion around with him for the rest of his life. But it doesn't seem to work like that.

I'd agree with going to your MP and to everywhere and anywhere else you can - if you've got the will to fight then put the boot in as hard as you can. With all the paperwork. Alas, I think in parallel you also need to be digging J an escape tunnel.

This reminds me of another headteacher I used to know. In our case, it was physical disabilities, not behavioural, but the attitude was the same: he wanted dd to go elsewhere to save him trouble and improve his statistics. Our attitude was the same as yours- peers are more important than almost anything else.

We were lucky because he ended up retiring (with health problems...), otherwise I am sure we would have ended up suing the school. Instead, dd is coming to the end of a brilliant Year 6, and has the full support of the school as she moves up to secondary.

I have since found the Code of Practice, part 4, to the Disability Act, very interesting reading.

R3dh3d - I like your metaphor and agree.

I am going to await his decision on which teacher J will have first. I don't want to antagonise him before then (should hear this week).

If he has the teacher he's had this year, I will worry less, as I know that SHE will make sure that it works.

If he doesn't get that teacher, it will only be because the HT has deliberately decided to against all advice just to prove a point and then the gloves will be off from my point of view. I will write down everything that's been said so far and push against everything that's wrong.

They will NOT exclude my son unless they have put everything in place and the placement's still failed. I will make that very clear to all involved.If they fail to put any tiny thing in place, I will make sure that they know that I know, and that they have no legal protection should anything go wrong.

The odd thing is that this guy has a very good reputation and I know that the school (under his leadership) has managed some very challenging children very successfully only for them to fail within their first term of secondary school and get permenantly excluded from there. So I don't think he's against SEN as such. I think (hope?) a lot of it's just ignorance. But I will hate it if I'm wrong, and I know the chances are that there's more going on than that.

Seriously, take this further. And - I hate to say this - but do look at other schools too. I am not sure I could work with such a total bigotted arsehole. And I am usually known for my diplomacy within the LEA!

givemesleep, thankyou for replying to my thread especially when you have all this going on too.

Must add that the first school DS attended was just like this, they recognised all DSs needs and TOLD me what he needed but refused failed to implement the necessary changes. As you know we eventually had to move DS from this school.
As you have found so far, the environment that is best for children like ours is the one that has understanding and knowledgeable staff, unfortunately it sounds like it will take alot of fighting on your part to get that help for J from this new head.
As for suggestions, im not the best person to give advice on that really! Dont give up though. Maybe you need to write to the head and ask him straight out if he thinks the school can meet Js statemented needs and if there is anything you can do to ensure the necessary adjustments are made.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

(I'm cross. Can you tell?)

I should be happy. J has been given his current teacher again next year, which is great. They've also (just today) hired a TA for him, though that was luck rather than management, as they hadn't even advertised the job - it was a word of mouth appointment BUT with someone v experienced and good.

However, still no further on with the safety issues.

Today, J ran out of school and out of the gate and ran down the road. Luckily, they went after him. Will they at the Junior School?

Behaviour Support Service reckon I'll have to accept the Junior school as they are. LEA say that the JS will be forced to put things in place.

But in reality...? It's not about words - it's about whether it goes well or not.

He went for a Transition Day with all of the other Y2s yesterday. The SENCO, as person in charge of Y3, did an assembly, and refused to let any other adults at all in to the hall as she wanted to be on her own with the kids. That included J's TA (who is 100% funded to be with him 100% of the time, btw)

Assembly OK - but then the school bell goes off. J is not used to bell as the IS don't have them. He hates loud noises. So he cried, and then (he told me) "everyone laughed and laughed at me and I didn't know what to do".

What's going to happen to my poor little boy there ?

Oh poor little thing. I would ask for a meeting with the Senco and headteacher and a representative from the LEA asap.

The magic words. I have used them.

"You have a duty of care to my son. It is your legal responsibility to ensure his physical safety for the hours he is in your care. If you fail in this and anything happens. I will sue you."

Oh, you should also contact Parent Partnership. They can come to meetings with you.

Would echo what Kerrymum says, definately take it the governors, I'd have a word with the sen governor plus letter to chair of governors, you could also raise it with a parent governor. Head is behaving disgracefully, as a parent governor I would be livid if our head was acting like this.

The week before last, the LEA got in touch to tell me that THEY were going to install 'safe' doors and a playhouse thing for J to retreat to when anxious. They said that they would do this whether the HT wanted them to or not. They said that they'd tried to get in contact with him but that he'd not returned their calls.

On Tuesday, had a meeting with new HT old/ new teacher and old/ new TAs. Main sticking point now is the physical safety aspect. J has now begun to actually run OUT of school, not just in to the playground, and will run further if pursued, so the best thing is if he can't get out easily.

My preference is keypads on the doors, that the pupils and staff have the code to, but if J is in a rage, he won't have the motor skills to do the code. HT said he doesn't want that. So I said, what about locking the two playground gates closest to the classrooms then? The main gate into the school and playground would still be open, but he'd have to go further to get to them.

Well, that would be very inconvenient, HT said. People would have to walk round (it's not very far at all - just a bit further, not enough to add more than a minute or so onto an adult's journey, but enough to slow J down and visually round the side so not as accessible in his head, iyswim.)

Who would lock and unlock the gates? he said. I said the caretaker?

He just kept saying, inconvenient, inconvenient.

So I said yes, but not as inconvenient as J being run over and killed.

Well, he said, that might be inconvenient for you, but having the gates locked would be more inconvenient for more people

LEA insist that all is in hand and all other people involved are being v helpful. Just HT. I still feel I have to let J have a try at this. He is excited (if nervous) and so pleased to be with his friends. He does have same teacher as last year, so we did get what J needed in that respect. I think (hope) that there is just a point being proved here, but once J is there, hopefully he'll realise that working with me is better for J and for him.

LEA have 3 days to work their magic and to tell me what is actually happening with regards to safety and then after that, I am going to ask for an actual meeting with the governor rather than the informal route that I've taken so far.

it should not be this way!

I work at a junior school & we lock the gates that lead to the playground as a matter of course every morning when the children go into school, so the only way in & out is via the front door, which is controlled by the reception staff. One of the gates has a coded lock & the staff know the code so it can be opened when the caretaker's not there - and anyone can lock it.
It was done when we had a child in the ASD resource who was known for running off, but now he's no longer there we've kept the system for the safety of all the children, not just those in the resource.