For context I have a 4 year old, diagnosed autism (pda) & a 3 year old with eczema who is on immunosuppressants. My 3 year old screams constantly he never sleeps, he wakes like a newborn & has a extremely strong parental preference to his dad in which case he does not respond to a single thing I say or do.
My 4 year old with ASD, he’s behaviours are displayed as bullying type, anti social behaviours, he hits his brother CONSTANTLY as well as myself, he is high functioning in terms of development for context I understand that its not his fault, i am just trying to explain the behaviours in a clear way.
obviously life is tough anyway, but i seriously do not have the patience, maturity to deal with them. My OH is constantly judging me and is somewhat a hipster parent who gives a look whenever I put the TV on, is anti vax, is anti certain plastics, is anti flouride and so on.
i feel like he’s constantly judging me, but I almost do not have capacity anymore, I feel if I ended my life he could live hes hippy fantasy and raise the kids how he sees fit, they have a parent who is more relaxed and he will meet someone new who can be better with them than I can.
its like mornings are hell, bedtime is hell, daytime is also hell and I dont see light at the end of the tunnel
i dont want to play with them, i quite honestly wish nothing more than i could just close my eyes and wake up with them being older, and everyone tells you to never wish it away!
every part of it just overwhelms me massively
has anyone come out the other side 😭