Can you help please?

[BlueDragonfly]

I am a bit scared of saying the wrong thing on this board so please forgive me if i type a bit PC.

I am beginning to wonder if DS2s behaviour is less to do with my shitty parenting and more to do with a possible 'problem'. I have done a little googling and i think he could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum but the things that niggle me aren;t the classic autism signs like lack of eye contact, its more things like he cannot sit still always fidgetting, he will have a complete meltdown if we go a different way to school without me telling him, and he just will NOT respond to his name. I can shout his name over and over again but he doesn;t respond.
there are lots of little things that, all together, are niggling at me now.

Please dn;t think i am wanting a label for him. yes in some ways it would be nice to have something to 'blame' but if its my shit parenting then i want to change it! Also, if he does need help i want to at least try and get the ball rolling before he starts school. He is 3 so will go to preschool nursery in september.

Well done.

Hopefully thems that help will appear soon.

I have nudged BD to make this post - she is worried she will be wasting time etc

I would go with your instinct and seek professional advice - GP or HV, whichever you trust the most. For how long have you had concerns? It is always good to get on waiting lists because they are always long.

I'm sure you'll get some good advice on here but your instinct that something is amiss is unlikely to be wrong, IMO.

And it is normal to reflect on your parenting skills but they are not the cause of any difficulties that your child experiences.

MMAJ, he has always been different to DS1. I have been really struggling with him since before i was PG with ds3 but i didn't know how much of his differences were just that he was a different child and i was comparing too much. I was worried when he didn't sit for ages but HV told me that all children were different ( he was 10 months before he was sitting alone-ds1 was 6 months so a long time when you compare) and i felt a bit stupid. Recently though his behaviour has escalated and i put it down to the arrival of ds3 11 weeks ago.

I know you aren;t supposed to compare children but i can;t help it

i forgot to add in the OP that he is under a SALT and waiting for the next block of group sessions. He responded well to first "round" especially after i went on a makaton course and used that to help him (us)

I wrote my OP a few times in notepad before i pasted it here and had the SALT thing in one of the many i deleted!

It's great that your ds already has access to a SALT and that you've learnt some Makaton. What is the SALT's view on your ds's development? How is your ds socially with his peer group and siblings?

he is yet to have his next one to one. he progressed really well in teh first group and she said she would put him in the list for the next one and assess him individually after that.In the meantime she put me forward for the makaton course. I have had appointments thru for the next group but couldn't go as i was having ds3. had to put him back on the list.

With his peer group...is that with his own age group? He plays next to them rather than with them. i don't think he understands properly how to play together. Is that just him being a bit 'behind' or something i need to mention? i don't know!

he is very literal. ds1 tries to trick him by hiding things, when they are hidden he thinks they really are gone. if i told him to slide down a slide on his head he would literally try and do it by standing n his head!

Again, i don't know whether that is 'normal' or not. This is so hard! I don't want to be the mother that wants something to be wrong with her child!

You are not wishing a diagnosis on your child by being concerned, quite the opposite in fact!

The playing alongside rather than with his peer group (his age group) and the literal use of speech are both autistic traits, although these traits alone do not make your ds necessarily autistic. You say that you've done some reading about ASDs - have you taken this test:

www.paains.org.uk/Autism/chat.htm

I would make a list (with examples) of any unusual behaviours and/or developmental anomolies that you have noticed in your ds and take it with you to your GP appointment. You will probably be nervous and such a list will enable you to keep focussed.

You could also try this interactive version:

www.gotoquiz.com/chat_test_for_autism

thank you for those links. I can;t tell which ones he would 'fail' though. On the interactive one he scored 38% although if i changed one of the answers it then became 44%

What is the next step then? take him to my GP? how on earth do i get those words out in RL without looking like an idiot!

First of all, your will not look like an idiot. You will look like a concerned mum who is looking for support and answers.

You should tell your GP about all your concerns and then ask him/her for their opinion. You should definitely take your ds with you. Your GP (depending on their experience) may refer you to a paediatrician for a more detailed assessment - not all GPs are fully versed in ASDs but he/she is a good starting point.

Your ds may not be ASD at all, perhaps he has a hearing issue or a specific speech issue. But it is always better to find out sooner, rather than later, if your child has any problems that could be helped by early intervention. Good luck with getting some answers soon.

he virtually never plays things like that. Its always initiated by ds1 if they do play it. ds2 will do the same thing each time they play t

sorry,i clicked the wrong thing so i am a biut early!

when playing Drs he will dress up, press the beeper thing in the pocket and rush off then come back and do the same again and again. tea parties he is alright with. Again its always the same but with food he will do a few different things rather than just the one repetition. he will either put food on a tray and put it un the oven (and leave ot!) or he will put some on a plate and give it out or he will put it on a plate and forget about it. his attention span is only short

TC thank you for those links. I will look tomo when i am less tired. have had the 2 days from hell and am run down with a cold!

DS2 has left a trail of destruction everywhere we have been and has been oin maximum., ds1 is off school now and HATES being off so is on top strop and ds3 has cried most of the weekend

i would take him to be assessed in all honesty

my ds is 3 and just been diagnosed it was worrying me as he had behaviour i had to keep blaming on tiredness but knoew it wasnt just didnt know why he acted the way he did

he flits between things and spends along time i mean along time on the things that interest him

he was very selective with his hearing had to physically move his face tio mine to get his attention

if not doing something he is ok but when engrossed in his thing nothing can get his attention

it is worrying but it feels so relieving qwhen you find out how to help and im so close to him was befrore but i feel such a bond more so now because i can fully understand him now

he was diagnosed with high functioning autism

he is loving and has eye contact although noticed when speaking he doesnt hold eye contact but when playing he will and cuddling

ask your gp to refer you the sooner you do it the sooner you can find out and the help can begin

it is really hard we only found out a week ago and to be honest ive taken the mindset to be positive about it as now i know he will still be same gorgeous little boy but he will make more progress quicker than without knowing

and no one knows what future holds so it tend to not htink about what he may not be able to do as theres every chance he still will i just concentrate on the now and how to help him

oh to add i origionally took my ds due to his delayed speech and was monitored for a yr until 3 incase just developmental his speech is also atypical cant say certain sounds in words he can say b but bob is gog ball is gall

replaces sounds with a g or a k

then we had multi disciplinary assessment where it was taken into account lack of imagintive play

playing alongside others not with

his very calm and collected at home but at pre school if routines change he struggles

i would go and ask as many parents worry they are over reacting but now my ds will get all help needed rather than not knowing and worring myself sick

yes i did i replied back to her so helpful and refreshing to hear as any worries in the back of my mind feel less now

how is your ds doing now i know you helped me alot on my topics about ds speech delay thanks for that by the way

slowly it is coming along hopefullt SALT will start soon for him

they dont like to diagnose very often these days in young children

i was shocked that ds got diagnosis i was convinced just speech

but they told me there was no doubt when seeing him perform the tasks set and all other areas that he was on spectrum

but he is wonderful i dont look at him different i jsut see it that i understand him more have more patience with him

instead of wandering all the time why is he doing this i just never seem to want to put him down at the moment its like im getting to know him all over again im paying attention to every detail about him i just love him so much

i was tending to think that way myself with ds maybe i should just treat him as if he did before diagnosis and it worked at times

but all new to me an ddidnt really understand too much about it but now i still dont but will always need to learn anyway as he grows up

but the lady that comes to us and says the children who have traits but not enough to be on spectrum they tend to treat them as if they were too

it helps get in there mindset as some children are but stay undiagnosed as its all about how many boxes they tick

its great about his little friend and himself bless them and about his school also