The things you overhear people say about your dc when they don't realise you are listening

[MannyMoeAndJack]

We took our ds to a new activity centre today, he had 1-1 for the entire time he was there. I mistakenly believed the pick-up time was 3.30pm when it was really 3pm. However, we arrived at 3.10pm (thinking we were early!). I went straight in to collect ds and ask how he'd been, etc, whilst dh stayed near the car. Once we'd driven off, dh told me that he'd overheard a young male worker shout across to a colleague, 'of all the kids' mums who you don't want to be late, it's the mum of the worst kid' - and as ds was the only child left (bar one very sedate child), he must've been the subject of the comment!! I felt and also felt a little too! I will add that this place is entirely for SN kids...

Anyone else overheard similar?!

Thats awful manny

that's shitty and so incredibly unprofessional. are you going to put in a complaint about it.

Made directly to me by an old witch at the playground when DS was slow on the uptake about moving aside "Does this child not speak english" in the most aggressively unpleasant tone. I snapped back at her he had severe speech and understanding delay and was on a lengthy SALT waiting list. No apology, just a stony stare. Bitch.

Hmmm I think you would be right to complain too.

Tbh, if I was to complain, then it would be with respect to the guy's unprofessionalism. He shouldn't have talked aloud in quite the way he did - however, I didn't hear the comment and have no proof that he was talking about my ds. My dh is 90% certain that he was but it is only speculation. This guy could realistically have been talking about anyone and perhaps it was just a coincidence that what he said, happened to 'fit' my ds. I know my ds is hard work and hard to work with but it is still a little galling to (possibly) hear somebody, who I don't even know, agreeing!!!!

TotalChaos, your anecdote reminded me of a barber's trip I once made with my ds, pre-dx. At that time, ds was still small and light enough to be held on my lap as his hair was cut...this particular day he was having none of it. He sobbed, wailed, struggled and resisted every tiny cut of his hair. Eventually, the hairdresser working on the adjacent chair shouted at him, 'oh for goodness sake' in a really horrible way. I could not wait to leave that place and I have never taken my ds to a barber's since. He has his hair cut at home now by a friend whose adult son is autistic.

My ds still hates having his hair cut btw!

I think that you should mention to the management as you have been upset by it. At the very least they will be able to tell him that his behaviour was unacceptable and make sure it doesn't happen again.

You raise an interesting point PipinJo and it has made me wonder if it would be worth phoning the centre next week to mention what my dh overheard. I think the comment was made with some humour attached to it (which I find strangely consoling!) rather than being malicious but yes, I could point out that their staff should take more care when discussing their charges.

whether it was about your ds or the other child left there - you could tell them you were saddened to hear such comments being made in front of any children by the people paid to care for them.

wow you're patient tclanger, i'd have had her by the throat by the third time!!!!

took dd2 to (locum) gp to get her chest listened to (like to keep on top of chest infections). as it was locum I started with 'as DD2 has cp I like to get her chest checked if she hasn't cleared a heavy cold after a couple of weeks, just in case she has an infection and needs abs...' (DD2 breathes like darth vader so difficult to tell, and has weak cough reflex so doesn't shift goo....tmi?). gp said 'what makes you think she has cp?'

thats really sad for you Manny

Romy......I cant belive that!!! stupid GP!!! makes it sound like "what makes you think they have a cold........... chest infection, virus " ect!

Not quite the same as CP!!!!!!!

it got better - I laughed and said 'erm - the MRI scans?' (thinking, well, we'll keep this light!) to which she practically leapt on top of me to disclaim that of course she wouldn't have had an MRI at her age...
um.
went up the wall and recounted 4 years worth of birth/ life history and the list of professionals involved, finished, gasping for breath, and she said (in a small voice) 'um, ok, would you like some antibiotics?' followed by 'and how do you feel about that - are you coping?' aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh.
I WAS until I Came In Here!

glad she isnt my doctor!

Romy, thought my gp was awful!
Tclanger you must go to the same library as me!

I had the haircut thing as well. Barber refused to finish the cut in the end so DS went around with half a head of crew cut and half head of long locks for a month until MIL pinned him down and finished it off. He was just so clearly angry and impatient with DS as well and I am sure that has been one of the factors in him being so frightened of hair cuts. Wa*ker .

Romy, your post made me laugh and feel so enraged at the same time. My DS has loads of health problems as well as CP, and we have met SO many stupid health proffesionals in our time. I once had a doctor point out to me that my then 9 month old had fore-shortened fingers (like I'd not noticed them before!!). Another time, I had a opthalmologist (not a consultant, just the woman who flashs cards & lights in front of your kid before you see the consultant) sit me down and explain that she'd noticed in my son's notes that he had a serious liver condition. She then went on to explain (very inaccurately) what the condition was, and broke the news to me that he may need surgery in the new future. After sitting there staring vacantly, I asked her what she was talking about, but she just repeated everything again in a low, soft voice. I then told her that I'd known about my DS's condition since birth and he'd already had surgery, in fact he'd have been dead 3 years ago if he hadn't. Now I think about it it makes my blood boil - what the hell was she thinking? But at the time I was just so confused by what she was saying. I was trying to be polite and respectfull, and thinking there must be some point to what she's saying. Now, I wish I'd have yelled and ranted at her and then reported her for being so unprofesional! Even the proffesor we see refuses to offer advice on issues he doesn't specialise in!

Sorry for the rant Ive been waiting to vent my anger towards that woman for a long time. Feel much better now

It seems that there are some pretty poor medical people out there, or if not poor then very inexperienced. How do they qualify??!! Thanks for all your replies - here's hoping for some positive comments in the future!

We have had some brilliant lovely people help us with DS2 but equally we have seen some incredibly insensitive stupid ones!

In the last two years since it became apparent that he had special educational needs as well his medical condition I have been gobsmacked at the way we have on occassion been dealt with and spoken to.

I have always had a communication problem with DS2's ENT consultant, found him belittling and extremely patronising. He can never be bothered to try and wait for DS2 to answer him or give him a chance to properly listen. I thought that this was perhaps just the way he was, untill Thursday when DS1, non SN, had to see him regarding a throat problem and he was TOTALLY DIFFERENT! I couldn't get over how animated and interested he was in the 'clever one'(his words).

Anyway as sadly seems to be my way at the moment I feel another complaint letter coming on!

On the other hand we also see some fab people who, without there help, I doubt we would be in the good place we are now!

cazcaz, hmmm, we had the same thing with eye guy. before dd2 was dx, we were told her squint would be cosmetic op before school. after dx? well, why bother... doesn't matter what she looks like...