My DS is 12 months old. It hurts me to say this, but the first year of his life has been the hardest year of mine.
Since day 1, following traumatic birth, we've dealt with major struggles with breastfeeding, sleeping, settling. In the early months he needed to be bounced or walked in the pram to fall asleep. Still struggles with sleep. He's now on solids and cows milk and feeding is generally OK.
By now we've spent thousands on lactation and sleep consultants, chiropractors, osteopaths, cranial therapy, allergy tests, books, courses.... nothing seems to make a difference. We were told it's the fourth trimester / 4 month sleep regression / high needs baby, etc, and that things will start to improve. They haven't.
He's also displaying the following behaviours which worry me, which follow a pattern from his birth, really:
Wants to be carried, but only facing out, so he can see everything. I cannot sit down while holding him, need to move constantly or he will scream and wriggle away. Doesn't like cuddles or affection.
He will not sit still, ever, not in a highchair or anyone's lap, or the floor, very restless, fidgety. I am not able to read him a book, or even when I sing to him, he will look for few seconds and move away.
Very short attention span and easily distracted, more than his peers.
Struggles with nappy changes, dressing, teeth brushing etc
Poor eye contact, especially up close.
Not much intrest in interaction with others, little back and forth communication. Is only intrested in me if i hold an object he wants or if he wants to be picked up and carried around.
Extremely sensory seeking with excessive movement, and always crawling / cruising along and touching things around him. We have to bathe together as if he's alone in the bath he's moving around, trying to stand up and touch the shower screen, tiles, anything really, and it's too dangerous.
High risk taking and not scared of anything (although I appreciate he is very young).
There are positives too, he does show some joint attention when something happens he will look at me (like if the microwave pings, he'll look at me like "what's that?"), he has some understanding of language and understands at least 5 words. Won't point, but looks in the right direction when I say these words. He's babbling and I think he's trying to say his first word.
I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and scared. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD myself, and I suspect I'm on ASD spectrum too (although haven't been tested for that). That's a whole other story. But in the context of my diagnosis, DS's behaviour, and my gut feeling, I think DS might be ND too. Yes, I know he's too young for a diagnosis, please don't come for me, but I think there are a lot of indicators pointing this way. But it is not even the point of this post, I guess I just want to see if anyone has/had a child like mine or has any advice? I obviously love him dearly and it's heartbreaking watching him so dysregulated.
DS goes to nursery 3 days a week while I work. They noted he won't ever sit still and moves more that his peers, but no other concerns from them yet.
I paid for private Sensory Processing Assessment from OT, he observed DS but said he wants to come back again in few months when DS is older before writing a report, as he wasn't quite sure what to make of him yet as DS is so young. He did say we will have to "work on lowering state of arousal" though.
DS had a development review with HV at 9 months where he "failed" on communication. We're due another review in few weeks, DS still can't do most of these things and will fail on communication and social/personal. I spoke with HV who said they wouldn't even be able to refer him to anyone until he is 2 years old, is this true?!
I saw GP few times over the year and he just keeps repeating that all babies develop differently, or that it's his temperament.
What else can I do while he is so young and nobody is taking my concerns seriously? What would you do if you were me?
I've been through some hard things in my life, but this is the first time I'm really not sure if I'm going to make it.
I have a wonderful DP who is fully involved and supportive, but it feels like we're both giving 100% but don't see any effects of it.
Sorry it's so long, not sure if anyone made it here - but if so, I'd appreciate any comments.