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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Ds upset at other children laughing at dd

29 replies

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 17:57

God I really feel upset today. Mil took my 2 to the park and they were getting an icecream. Dd has a habit of fingers in the ears and talking to herself. Ds noticed 2 older boys saying look at that saddo and he came home so upset.
Dd is 8 and has aspergers and ds is 10.
I just feel really fed up today. Things just seem to be getting worse.

OP posts:

dustystar · 09/04/2008 18:06

People can be so cruel {{{hugs}}}

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 18:11

thanks dusty i needed the hug xxx

i really hate autism today i really do

ds said it's so unfair and he is right

OP posts:

lottiejenkins · 09/04/2008 18:12

How sad for your ds and your dd and all of all you! Hugs from me too hug

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 18:15

sometimes i just feel we live a completely different life to others

ds has been getting upset at school as well as kids keep saying retard and spaz and he gets so angry with them all

i think it's all getting to ds at the moment tbh but it's so hard as he won't read anything or talk too much, finds it hard

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 18:17

thanks lottie xx

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 09/04/2008 18:32

sorry that both DD and DS are encountering such shi*tty attitudes.

Tclanger · 09/04/2008 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 19:08

it is because i think i know's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better and the lea wonder why i am adament she is going to a special needs secondary school!!!

OP posts:

TheodoresMummy · 09/04/2008 21:00

Sorry you're experiencing this kind of attitude.

But what a lovely, caring lad you have. What a wonderful brother for your DD.

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 21:18

thanks tm it does worry me it seems the older dd gets the further apart from her peers she is getting as well

he is great ds and in some ways has more understanding than i do

OP posts:

Tclanger · 09/04/2008 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 23:03

Yeah you are so right tc. today i feel terrible and so down. ds has also just said he heard one of them call dd nutty which has made me feel even worse

OP posts:

bullet123 · 09/04/2008 23:10

((ILHM)). The one tiny bit of comfort you can take from this is that you have raised your children to ensure that they do get upset at comments like this and that they will never be so closeminded and ignorant of differences as those other lads.

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 23:21

thank you bullet. i know and i always take that on board. ds has got some life skills there from having dd as his sister. i just worry as he was crying with anger tonight. these boys were not much older than him and he said he wanted to hit them for laughing at his sister. i don't want him getting into fights but he just wants to protect her, like we all do!

OP posts:

MicrowaveOnly · 09/04/2008 23:41

oh ILHM what a sweetheart your son is. The effect of SN on the siblings is worrying isn't it. People forget SN affects the whole family, nothing ever feels totally normal.

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 09/04/2008 23:43

i dont feel normal micro you are right. i almost feel like we only half fit in. thank you xx

OP posts:

time4me · 10/04/2008 21:35

my daughter is 17 and her special needs brother is 20.She grew up with those difficulties but has an amazing accepting attutude to anybody with a special need,she is so cool,and its very attractive.Hope this helps,my dd also has great empathy

scottishmummy · 10/04/2008 21:56

sorry the eejits were mean to your girl all i can add is you will have to endure this. but be proud that your ds is sensitive,kind, decent, whoknows such behaviour is wrong

this wont immediately lessen the upset you all experience

starscream · 10/04/2008 21:56

hi my little girl is sn and we are really close to my family my nephews adore her they are 12 and 13, she is 2, the 12 yr old keeps getting into fights at school because as youll know that kids say some bloody awful things about sn children i feel very proud that they know a different side of life and learning from my daughter but the school and i did tell him off for hitting these kids but i will add that his school asked him to write down his feelings about everything it really helps him

salsmum · 11/04/2008 00:09

ilovehousemusic,
I think that the best idea would be for you to ring your local council and try and find out if there's any groups in your area for SN and siblings too, i.e. a Toy Library or similar group. You'll be surprised how meeting other siblings can be beneficial to your son [and they can support each other]A young carers group maybe of help for siblings and is a great way for the siblings to discuss any worries/concerns/anger they may have. Young carers are not just aimed at 'kids who care' for a person but siblings are welcome too.
hope this helps .

Original poster

Ilovehousemusic · 11/04/2008 14:24

well last night i went up to say goodnight and he was sobbing his heart out saying he is so worried about his sister and how things will be when she grows up. i really cannot believe how affected he is by all this and it worries me tbh.

time4me ~ your dd sounds lovely One of ds's best mates is profoundly deaf (not that it matters iykwim) but he is very understanding and it will help him in life I am sure.

scottishmummy ~ yes you are right. he has learnt in life that people are different and not to judge. for example he came home upset last week as all his mates are saying retard and spastic and doing the arm movements, tongue in mouth and he is so angry. he keeps saying why are they being so cruel?

starscream ~ being that we have girls i guess the boys feel like they need to protect. liek with your nephew i have said to ds if he ever needs to talk about anything he can. he also has a worry doll which i know he confides in too!

salsmum ~ thank you for that. i did try and get him into the young carers but he really doesn't want to go. i have bought him books that he refuses to read. we have been to groups like that but now they are 8 and 10 it's getting harder. i go to a fantastic support group so maybe i could suggest something like that there?

OP posts:

Tclanger · 11/04/2008 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 11/04/2008 15:26

Oh, I'm so sorry, Ilovehouse. Really feel for you and ds. Have you had a chat and discussed what he can do if he comes up against horrid people? There must be some ideas out there but I'd imagine he could choose, depending on how he's feeling at that moment, to ignore/say loudly 'that's very rude' or, I dunno, there must be other options.

Deux · 11/04/2008 16:08

I've been trying to think of something really constructive and useful to say, but have failed. My younger sister has SN - brain damage by vaccine.

I encountered this kind of thing a lot as a child and it is terribly hard. I remember the mixed feelings - feeling the need to protect my sister (who was oblivious to it) and at the same time wanting to run away from it myself as it drew attention to me too. Part of me didn't want to associate with it either. It could be embarrassing. Could go on for ever about the impact of having a sibling with SN ...

I do remember wiping the smile of one horrid child's face by asking them, did they realise that all it would take is a knock on the head in the wrong place and they could end up the same way.

Oh and I hated, hated, hated going to those family groups - last thing I wanted was to be around even more children with SN. I wanted to escape from my sister and her disabilities and be with 'normal' children.

I wanted to be somewhere where my needs could come first.

My survival strategy as a child was to switch off from it and bury the emotions entirely.

TotalChaos · 11/04/2008 19:13

I guess from what Deux says, maybe he needs more outside interests/distraction, if he's not comfortable talking about how he feels with others/attending sibling type groups.

IME the adolescent years are the difficult ones for the socially awkward (am using that phrase as I am undiagnosed, so may not quite meet aspie criteria), whereas the adult years are a lot easier, as you have a lot more freedom to choose who you spend time with on a regular basis, and once kids hit the later teens they are far less interested IME in petty nastiness and so are (at least outwardly) a lot more tolerant of difference

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