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Original poster

SN boy invited to my son's Bday party. Advice please???

36 replies

Megglevache · 07/04/2008 00:12

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Megglevache · 07/04/2008 09:02

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sphil · 07/04/2008 09:49

I think it's great you've invited him and you're thinking so carefully about how to make it a success with him. A quiet corner is a good idea - maybe somewhere he can go with no other children if it all gets overwhelming? Presumably as it's a toddler party parents are coming too, so maybe let his Mum know that it's OK if they need to leave at any time if he can't cope with the whole party? And have his party bag (if you're doing them) ready in advance in case this happens?

I would be delighted if someone asked DS2 to a party - but I'd be anxious too. If I knew it was going to be run by someone like you, I'd be much less worried!

nikos · 07/04/2008 09:50

Can you say where the birthday party is, how many children? It is perhaps not the activities that are impoortant but the level of noise and people that the mother is worried about. Perhaps it might be an idea to suggest he comes for just part of the party? for half an hour or so?
What do other mums think? It's very nice that you are considering his needs.

nikos · 07/04/2008 09:50

Cross posted sphil!!! Think we're thinking along the same lines.

Shells · 07/04/2008 09:52

Hi Megglevache. My DS finds parties very difficult as he can't understand what is going on and finds all the different noise sources confusing (has speech and language delay). But as a parent I guess I would just want for you to be understanding that he may not join in in a very conventional way (or he may)and he may just want to sit in a corner and do his own thing. Hope you get some more responses more specific to your little friend.

cyberseraphim · 07/04/2008 10:02

If his mum has already raised the issue, could you ask her what specifically would help him settle at the party? My DS is not difficult at parties but can't really join in games etc. If the child is HFA it may be more that he can play games but won't understand the social aspect of sharing and so on

Original poster
Megglevache · 07/04/2008 10:54

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ancientmiddleagedmum · 07/04/2008 12:14

what a lovely lady you are not just to invite him but to think about his comfort too! I recently had 4 autistic kids (including my DS) and 15 "NF" kids at a party. HFA or High functioning autism is easier than what my DS has, but in our party's case the big hit with all the kids was the bouncy castle. Do you have anything bouncy, or swings? If not, don't worry as a dinosaur book and his mum staying with him should sort it out (I would never send my DS alone to a party, but at this age I don't think many mums leave kids anyway (whereas in my DD's case , who's 7, I postively want the mums to go!)

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Megglevache · 07/04/2008 12:32

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ancientmiddleagedmum · 07/04/2008 12:44

You are a kind person megglevache - not like your name at all! I know how that mum feels - when I take my DS to a party when he's the only SEN one there, I feel so self-conscious. The other day I took him to a party with his (mainstream) classmates and there was a bouncy castle so all was ok. EXCEPT 15 mins into the party she turned the bouncy castle off, as none of the kids were taking a bit of notice of the (paid) football entertainer. My heart absolutely sank, as I knew DS would not take part and would throw a tantrum at the bc going. But one dad there saw my agony and came and helped me amuse DS which made such a difference - just someone being kind! It gave me the confidence to take DS into the football activities, and when he scored a goal (with me running along holding his hand telling him what to do of course) all the mums and dads cheered. Kindness comes as a surprise sometimes, but boy does it help! You are one of the good guys!

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Megglevache · 07/04/2008 13:07

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PipinJo · 07/04/2008 17:32

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cocolepew · 07/04/2008 17:38

God, but you are a kind and thoughtful person! His mum is lucky to have you as a friend. Hope it all goes well.

Original poster
Megglevache · 07/04/2008 17:47

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Troutpout · 07/04/2008 19:53

Can i just say that i think i love you meggle
Ds has been to about 2 parties (of people who aren't my friends children) in 11 years.
You sound so lovely..trying to think of everything
Are you having balloons? (remembers particularly difficult party with lots of popping balloons and a seriously panicking ds)
Oh i hope it goes really well

TotalChaos · 07/04/2008 19:55

not got any particularly useful advice, but think you are being absolutely lovely being so considerate of this little chap (and his mum's) needs.

nannynick · 07/04/2008 20:19

Dinosaur Theme ideas

With children of that age, I don't expect many of them will be happy sitting still for long - so good that you are considering doing things like pass the parcel in small groups.

Can you find out from his mum with regard to what he can and can't eat. You should actually be asking everyone attending the "can't eat" question.

I am reading Tony Attwood's book on Asperger's Syndrome, and he says that HFA is the same thing. So may be worth looking at information on Asperger's Syndrome to get a better idea of the boys situation.

Some children love Water... so as you already have some garden things, consider having a water tray - perhaps with floating dinosaurs.
Could even try a game of fish the dinosaurs out of the water tray, using a net, or something else. How many dinosaurs can you get out in 30 seconds?

Original poster
Megglevache · 07/04/2008 20:51

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Megglevache · 07/04/2008 20:52

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sphil · 07/04/2008 23:03

Where do you live Megglevache? Can we come to your next party?

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Megglevache · 07/04/2008 23:45

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welovetelegraphpoles · 08/04/2008 07:52

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Megglevache · 08/04/2008 09:00

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ALMummy · 08/04/2008 12:18

Such a nice thread. Made me feel quite choked. I always used to worry about parties and things like that - not so bad since DS started school and been more social. You seem to have it all covered but just wanted to tell you how kind I think you are.

cocolepew · 08/04/2008 17:35

Please will you adopt me? I'M 39 and house trained