Julia Hollander responds

[emkana]

www.motherstory.co.uk/?cat=9

Taliesintraction working with someone who "is going through it" is not the same as "going through it " yourself.
I supported my SIL when her dh dropped down dead. but I can't for a minute imagine what she "went through"
I think you should realise your second hand knowledge does not mean you can understand the feelings of people who live with this or are actually going through it themselves.

I find her line of thinking warped and frightening.

And I have suffered PND three times now.

seems JH wasn't the only woman to be given the option.
"When I asked the doctors what would happen if there was something seriously wrong with her, I was told, 'Well it's too late now. You are 30 weeks pregnant. You'll have to go through the birth and then decide if you want her adopted if she is disabled.' "

copied from the article about a woman of 57 finding herself pregnant. although I felt an odd thing for dotor to say. I wouldn't imagine a woman of that age could deal with a disabled child.

2shoes, I read about that woman too and she has apparently worked as a special needs teacher, plus nursed both her sick parents for many years until they died so I think she could cope with a disabled child very well.

From the article I read she was only asking the question because she was concerned that on a couple of occasions before she knew she was pregnant she'd been prescribed strong drugs for an illness and also been very stressed through her house being flooded etc. I think maybe it was the doctor assuming she'd automatically want to get rid of a disabled child.
(actually I think that's what you were saying, now I read your post again, sorry ).

I just hope all goes ok for her 57 is old in mum years
she does sound like she would love her baby whatever. just found it an odd thing for the doctor to say.

Yes I clocked that as well. Yet another 'well if it's disabled you'll want rid of it' assumption in the mainstream press. It's such a deeply held prejudice people don't even realise how prejudiced it is.

tbh I am starting to think I must be a bit doolaly. I keep thinking that disabled children/people are accepted.

When Management was pregnant with our 4th, she was pulled in for routine screening which came back positive for possible learning diss.

The midwives wanted her to go for urgent aminocentrisis (spulink???) so that if it was concerned she could have an abortion.

The assumption was that we would immediately abort a disabled child.

The staff were quite shocked when management and I declined further tests because we would not abort a child just because it had a disability.

This was not the 60's or 70's this was 1998.

never know we might get lucky and she won't come back.

well you all know my story - surprisingly we had a lot of support when dd1 was diagnosed antenatally with her heart defect and basically told that if she was born without ds it would be very very rare. When I said no to amnio even though it would have been Prof Nic at Kings doing it. I was supported by the fetal cardiologist agreed with me that if it did not make a difference why go through it.

In direct contrast to a genetic counsellor who shared my results from dd3's nuchal translucency screening. I started out at 1 in 56 chance of having a child with down syndrome to 1 in 962 ( similar to mid 20 yo without my history) for any of the conditions detected by increased nuchal fold. She then said without stopping for breath that if it was unacceptable we could book for an amnio immediately.

Had to feel sorry for the poor woman. She spent my counselling (LOL) session prior to nts trying to tell me what it would be like to raise a child with ds and how it would impact on the family and subsequent siblings. Despite the fact that dd1 and dd2 were sitting in front of her getting up to all sorts of fun whilst she is trying to tell me my life. She did not like it when I told her to stop there - that unless she was raising a child with ds or even dd1 then she had no right to try and tell my what I live 24/7.

Anyway - how many of you get pissed off with being asked if you knew beforehand whether your child had whatever? I am sure it is not just me - I just say Yes - in a tone that encourages no further discussion. I have yet to ask how that impacts on her medical care as it is usually someone who is treating her for something. You know like knowing beforehand that dd1 had down syndrome and a heart defect impacts on her having her tonsils and adenoids out

okay off on a huge tangent - rant over.

strangely I never get asked if I knew beforehand...but then most cp is caused at birth or just before.
but if one more person says it is a "shame" I will lamp them

Go on 2 shoes,

I'll hold them you hit them......

LOL

Talies, LOL at "management"! Brilliant.
Will pass on the idea to DH.

Her other name is:

Mistress of all we owe money on......