Julia Hollander is going to be on this morning on Thursday.

[wannaBe]

have tv on in background and they just spoke about it. also said that if you would like to tell your story you can call them, or email them.

Did they say what time she would be on? i should be able to watch it and feedback but ds needs are nowhere near severe enough for me to be ring in or email myself.

Also on Richard and Judy today, for those that will miss Thursdays show.
I would imagine that their forums will be busy after the show airs.

god is there anywhere she won't turn up on.

Hopefully there will some people that aren't on Mumsnet that will be supportive of them

No matter how unusual this situation is, there will be others out there who are not coping (even with tiny babies) and this family proves there are other options and they don't have to live with thoughts of hurting their children

I still don't understand why not able to cope at 5 months is different to 5/10/20 years down the line. Many children have to move on from the family home, age shouldn't be a concern

No-one is berating her for not being able to cope.

I won't be watching it today. i can't watch stuff like that(i don't do racism either)
I hope though that the point that you don't have to give up a 5 month old baby is mad(fingers crossed)

minorityrules why do you want to twist it. yes 5/10 years down the line. but a baby ffs.

"Julia, who has written a book ?When the Bough Breaks?, joins Richard and Judy to talk about the difficult decisions she has had to take her keep her family together."

together

I think there is a difference actually between when you give a child up since we're discussing it.

After years it's often a reluctant decision that is made because the family just can't physically manage it any more. There's exhaustion etc and often it's just an impossibility. There's a tiredness of trying to deal with the system and an inability to do it anymore. IN the best scenarios parents recognise when it's getting too much and access to residential care arrives before the point of breakdown. I would say in the case I know it's about 50/50. Often the system does work- especially in the cases of severe disability and especially once the children are of school age.

But after 5 months there just isn't that exhaustion. There can't have been any tiredness from dealing with the system as she didn't even try. She didn't abandon Immie because of the exhaustion of caring. She abandoned her because she couldn't see value in having a disabled child (and she has been repeatedly clear about that).

Which is fine. But she shouldn't put herself in with the first group and claim to represent them. She doesn't.

Oh I posted and then thought you'd said it better.

I have read the threads

They have been berated for admitting not coping and not being able to cope in the future, their lifestyle, their marriage, their parenting, facial hair, looks, daring to write about their experiences and a whole host of other things

The venom is horrid, hardly anyone has read the book which goes into much more detail, their appearances are promoting said book and now people want to mass email/phone in on the word of a few newspaper articles

They aren't bad people, they do still have a huge hand in Immie's life and are still very supportive of Tania and Immie

I recommend people read the book, borrow it if you don't want to pay for it but read it and then form the opinions

It's not newspaper articles though is it. It's book excerpts, radio shows (all in her own words) her blog. The message is the same in every case.

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I don't want to read anymore than I have already tbh

and I don't have any experience of SN and am not normally an emotional person but I vividly recall the overpowering feeling of love and protectiveness I felt when dd1 and dd2 were born

to abandon them...well, words fail me

And the only arguments that have been used in her favour are along the lines of 'it is impossible to live with a severely disabled child without it destroying your family life and you can only do it if you're a martyr'. Which I don't remotely agree with.

None of you know what those 5 months were like, they were awful, everybody is differnet in what they can cope with. If they thought the rest of their lives would be the same as those 5 months, I can see exactly why they took steps so early on.

I was told by many they wouldn't have kept my daughter with her prognosis, I could and did

I had friends with children like my daughter and Immie and they told me about lack of services and lack of help. I knew from day one our lives would be very hard, that I'd have to fight and fight and fight to get basic needs met.

I'm sure if you knew the people involved, none of you would be so up in arms. The have told their story, warts and all

So why not leave her at 3 months? Why only leave her once her worthlessness had been shown by a scan? And what if the scan had shown normal intellectual functioning. Then what? Still an abandonment? Still a life that's 'not worth celebrating'? Because if that's not what Julia meant that is how it reads.

Keep her family together? ey? .

And nope sorry, I don't see why referring to a child as an animal and dumping her stuff and having another baby who turned out to be the child Immie wasn't is worthy of sympathy.

The devostation of finding out your child is severely disabled and most likely will be for the rest of her life absolutely.

The not knnowing how you will cope with the weeks, months, years ahead, not knowing what the future holds, absolutely.

mourning a child you thought you would have and accepting the child you now have.. totally sympathize.

but writing a book with all those horrible things in it... describing immie as all those things... nope, no sympathy for that.

Everyone here is seeing it from how they deal with things. I maintain, it is very different to learning about disability gradually, as babies fail to meet milestones, than to be told your baby has half it's brain missing in those first few months (or first week in my case) You are scared to love the child, first for fear of immediate death, then due to 'how much do they feel anyway'

My immediate concerns were how do I cope with a 44 year old baby when i'm in my 70's. My sister said, there are places she can live then, my dr said there are foster carers that can take her now, my health visitor said the same, all in the first weeks of life

I kept my daughter, thanks to wonderful parents and siblings that kept me going and knowing other children and adults like my daughter. I knew they were happy and lived ok lives, I can cope. That's not to say all can and should.

Those are excerpts from the book over a period of time, they were said earlier on, not now

This is a record of 4-5 years

her blog - now- talks about Immie's life not being worth celebrating