I hate being the parent with the 'awful' child

[macwoozy]

I know I'm going to sound rather weak and pathetic, especially considering that there was a time in my life when I was the big extrovert, well according to others anyway, god how I've changed.

My ds is in a unit attached to MS school. For the first several months of this new school he was in the MS class but it was pretty evident that he couldn't cope, so moved to the unit. Several parents compained about his behaviour in ms class, one quite aggresisvely.

Whilst ds has been in the unit I've not had contact with any of the parents, but I've recently been invited to the class assembly. Ds can't give me any info about it, and apparently he's involved. (The children from the unit are included in their MS classes for assemblies, PE etc)

I'm so worried that I'm just going to come across a group of women that have campaigned to get rid of ds from his class, and then have ds totally prove them right when he 'creates' in the assembly. I can feel myself getting angry/embarrased about it now and by the time I go I'll be a right state

Should I go? (even though ds might not notice I'm there or even be a part of it anyway) or should I bring myself away from MS events? What would you do?

Should add that most of the children in the unit are taken home by bus, so I can't talk to their parents.

Yes, go, hold your head up high and ignore the f*king mothers who campaigned against your child being in the class, they should be ashamed of themselves ... you are the better mum for living your life with dignity and respect and most of all compassion for your child, consideration for others and the other mothers aren't worthy of licking your shoes.

What Violet says. You have every right to be there, same as your son and they are bigoted alod bagages.
If your son does 'create' its not his fault if he has SN, any more than peoplpe complainings dd's drool is unsightly.

Sorry should have made it clearer last night. I have no proof that they did actually campaign to get ds out of their kids class, it's just that one parent (who said other parents felt the same) made it very clear she wanted ds out, and within a week he was moved to unit!

Ignore my recent ramblings, I'm feeling a little down lately. I think I'm going to have to take a break from here for a while. I worry that some of the teachers might recognise me on here, and I'm embarrased to read how pitiful I sound.

macwoozy-you must go and support your son, he is the only one that matters, ignore the other parents.

It is easier said than done macwoozy and PipinJo but just concentrate on your lovely DSs, it will be very important to them that you are watching-ignore any negative vibes.
Thinking of each other and comparing notes afterward should help.(You may be reading more into the other parent's attitudes than is actually there-they could easily be in your shoes)

Is it possible you could speak to the teachers at the unit and ask what ds involvement would be? I would tell them exactly what you have said on here, including your fears of what other mums will think. I'll bet they will be able to do a lot to give you confidence for the day.
If you can bear it I would go. In 5 years time those nasty mums will be history but you will remember that you were bold enough to attend that assembly for your ds. You go girl!!!

you know what - sod em - this is your ds and you are there to support him and say brilliant job ds - show him you are proud of him - they can go flush their heads.

I would go - head held high showing I am not bothered by them and lack of acceptance and welcome. I would ignore them and focus on ds.

and ditto what violet skies said.

That's it then, I am going. You're all bloody right. Ds comes first, why should I care what others think all the time. But I do worry. I'm just sick and tired of feeling the outcast but I need a kick up the arse to stop feeling so self conscious. Thanks all

Pipinjo, you've got a deal then.Good luck for tomorrow. I hope your ds makes you proud. Mine is on Thursday.

Could have been me writing this Macwoozy - I used to dread assemblies BUT one thing I have learned from having another kid and going to their assemblies is that young kids of any variety (SN or not SN) will do daft things in an assembly. I can only speak from my own experience but I think I get hyper sensitive about DS1 thinking that everything he does is down to his SN when it isn't necessarily.

I would do as someone has suggested and ask the unit what your son's involvement will be and you could always talk him through it.

Worst case scenario (unlikely to happen) - your DS seems like he is going to disrupt and is swiftly removed by caring, knowledgable staff. Other mums will not be foul but might be pitying (almost as bad)if indeed they notice but their main reaction will be 'thank god it wasn't my kid - it could have been'. I very much doubt whether the actions of another parent would have resulted in your DS being moved to the unit. In my experience, parents who complain about another child to the point that they are asking for his/her removal are firmly put in their place.

He'll be wonderful and you will be proud (if nervous!)

All the best.

you should go with your head held high.

you say yourself 'it was pretty evident that he couldn't cope' in the MS class .. I assume he is doing much better in the unit attached to the MS school isn't he?

so really it's a win/win situation isn't it?

you are a parent, your child is in assembly ...do not hide away because of some 'perceived' slight.

I used to hate assemblies etc when ds1 was in mainstream. Do go though and if you see the evil cow glare like you've never glared before.

am uncomfortable with my choice of 'win/win situation' phrasing .. I meant win in terms of DS is getting the right kind of education and you don't have to cope with meeting arse-wipes at the school gates

macwoozy are you already on TTR if not email me on [email protected]

Macwoozy, I am so proud of you and Pipinjo. It is so hard when your baby whether they have SN or not starts school. DD who is NT started school without a backward glance, while I was a wreck about her starting school. When DS who has CP and GDD started school it felt as if my arm had been cut of, the kids school is small and I knew most of the mothers already but that didn't stop the stares or whispers. It was really getting to me, (not ds or dd but Me) until I looked at one of the ringleaders of the whispering and realised that while my life was complicated through endless appointments for ds, and ds life wasn't exactly a ride in the park, we knew no different that was our life and we were happy with it, meanwhile she was a bitter twisted madam, who more than likely could never cope with my life therefor I was the better person. You see I am an egomaniac and I know I am much better person than any of the whispering mothers.
You are both doing a magnificent job with mothering your babies ... so I say again F*k 'em all!

Thanks for all your support

2shoes, I am a member of TTR but I had a few problems getting in, although I've just tried again and got in straight away so I don't know what that was about.

Pippinjo, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you today

flyingmum, you're right, I do tend to get hyper sensitive about ds and his behaviour, and think that all eyes are on him, when the parents are likely to be be more preoccupied with watching their own kids (well I'm trying to convince myself that anyway)

But some of these parents are unbelievable. One parent complained to me that when her ds had his birthday party, all anyone could talk about was my ds. I felt she was even suggesting that my ds managed to ruin her poor ds's party, and he wasn't even there. Stupid cow!

I hope you have a lovely afternoon pipinjo (what a fab name, it reminds me of apples.)

You don't sound weak and pathetic at all macwoozy. I'm another one who finds these things hard. I've had to develop a thick skin over the last couple of years but I still worry about how ds is going to behave. I agree with all the othersa and say f*ck them all and go in with your head held high and watch your ds take part in the assembly. I also agree that speaking to the staff in the unit to find out what he is doing might help you be less anxious about it.

I hope the assemblies go well for both of your sons pipinjo and macwoozy

How did it go?

How did it go? I've been thing about you pipinjo.