I hate being the parent with the 'awful' child

[macwoozy]

I know I'm going to sound rather weak and pathetic, especially considering that there was a time in my life when I was the big extrovert, well according to others anyway, god how I've changed.

My ds is in a unit attached to MS school. For the first several months of this new school he was in the MS class but it was pretty evident that he couldn't cope, so moved to the unit. Several parents compained about his behaviour in ms class, one quite aggresisvely.

Whilst ds has been in the unit I've not had contact with any of the parents, but I've recently been invited to the class assembly. Ds can't give me any info about it, and apparently he's involved. (The children from the unit are included in their MS classes for assemblies, PE etc)

I'm so worried that I'm just going to come across a group of women that have campaigned to get rid of ds from his class, and then have ds totally prove them right when he 'creates' in the assembly. I can feel myself getting angry/embarrased about it now and by the time I go I'll be a right state

Should I go? (even though ds might not notice I'm there or even be a part of it anyway) or should I bring myself away from MS events? What would you do?

Pipinjo, I am proud of YOU. It was brave to go to the assembly today, your first of many assemblies, but, it has given you a good memory and like you said you have just developed your first layer of thick skin, the first of many. Give your ds a hug from me.

PipinJo I'm so pleased for you that it went so well today You sound dead proud and you have every reason to be. I'm so glad that you went along to it.

My ds is now in Juniors so I have watched him in assemblies before, but this is a new school with a deadly mix of parents. Actually I'm sure majority are O.K but I suppose it's only the outspoken bullying types that will have the balls to confront in such a threatening way. Ds has been removed before in assemblies, so I know how his 'performance' could go.

TBH with the support I've had on here I already feel alot calmer.

You know, stuff 'em. Enjoy your child's assembly like any parent should.

I have that "naughty" kid. He is coping really well in MS nursery, but the other kids are pretty much in awe of his capacity for causing merry mayhem. The only parents who give us "the look" as he's throwing a huge tantrum about nothing much at all at home time tend to be the ones who give their kids very few boundaries and don't really pay any attention to what they're up to other than threatening to ground them for a week or something equally inane if they're interrupting a phone conversation. The staff love him and find him challenging but predictable. If he's having an off kilter day, he's pretty angry and oppositional but one thing he is most definitely not is malicious. I'm told he's far from the hardest child they have to deal with.

Same here, my ds has never been malicious and wouldn't even know how to be, and he's too truthful for his own good.

that is brilliant pippin jo. So pleased to hear it all went well.

well done junior jo!

I am so pleased for you and DS pipinjo, he did fantastically! As to any mum who ever says anything against your DS, my feeling is as follows: anyone who can be prejudiced against a small child, who through no fault of their own is born different, is a bad, ignorant person and if there's any truth in Karma, one day that person will get theirs. I always have it in my mind that if anyone says anything like that about my DS, I will very calmly and politely ask them for their full name and address. And if asked why, I'll say I am undertaking a test case under the Disability Discrimination Act and intend to sue them for discriminatory comments. I always also intend to say that if they had even the slightest knowledge of the law of the land they live in, they'd realise that our DC have as much legal right to inclusion in the mainstream state school system as do their DC. But of course I never do say those things, mind you so far no-one has dared say anything to my face, and I think mainly people are cowards and would prefer to talk behind our backs (which doesn't hurt us , so sod em!). There's one particular woman who keeps harking back to how DS used to be aged 2 - "ooh, does he still have those terrible tantrums". It's like, thanks for reminding me, you're so kind! I just long one day to ask her how she feels about the fact that her kids all take after her (immensely ugly) husband, rather than her, does she think it will place them at a disadvantage in our looks-obsessed world?! But I never, do - still, I can dream! Speak soon pipinjo!

Your post really made me smile pipinjo I'm glad it went well. I might steal AMAM's retorts too - very good

no one has said anything like that to me yet BUT i think I put on my scary cross teacher face and they don't dare

The assembly was in fact today not tomorrow like I originally thought, but I did go along. And guess what.........he didn't even take part. All that bleedin worrying for nothing. He just sat on a chair at the side of the hall next to the senco, reading a comic, whilst all the other kiddies performed the assembly. I suppose I should be feeling disappointed that he wasn't involved, but really I'm just relieved that this school are so aware of his difficulties and don't push him into doing activities that are just going to end up him getting stressed and kicking off.

One parent, who I've known from infants sat talking to me before it started, she's always been nice to me but I got it into my head that she wouldn't actually want to be associated with me anymore because of ds and the attitudes of a few of the other parents. I got that one wrong, and I think I have to face it that I've got a touch of paranoia.

Thanks all, I really do appreciate everyone who's helped me on this one, although I do feel a little foolish getting so worked up about it in the first place.

Thanks PipinJo, you've been really kind

Macwoozy, I came on tonight to wish you good luck for tomorrow, only to find that you have already been, good on you. I am proud of you for going and really pleased that the mum you have known for years talked to you. Your lad sounds wonderful, how good was he to sit there while the assembly went on. One in the eye for the gossiping mums.

Don't you just hate it when you write a post and then refresh it by accident

Thanks violetskies for the 'potential' good luck

You're right, my ds was great today. He sat nicely, he didn't make a fuss and didn't react to the flute music or the constant clapping, he was totally calm. I felt relaxed, it was good.

I'm violetskies by the way (I name change a lot)
Corr flute music, if I am honest I would of had trouble sitting still during that. Your lad sounds wonderful. I bet you are so proud to be his mum. give your ds a hug from me.