Strongly suspect autism in 8 months old, looking to connect with others with the same worries

[Wobblyheart]

Hi everyone…. I don’t know where to start. I had a really tough few years of my life with infertility, serious health concerns, family issues, and now after giving birth to my long awaited child at 36 I strongly suspect he has autism.

I felt he was different from other babies early on but could not quite understand what and managed to stop worrying about him for a bit when he was showing some progress. However, recently some traits became more pronounced. I googled hand twirling and eye contact / no back and forth babbling and this got me worried about autism.

my beautiful baby is only 8 months old and it’s not just one thing that worries me but a whole picture (there’s just so much!)

to start with, it seemed like things were improving for my LO - he was giving more eye contact, became a bit more smiley, started saying babababa dadadadada, sat up around 8 months (although still falls) and just got his first tooth and started crawling commando style (but only engaging hands).

however other things I was worried about did not go away and became more pronounced If anything, also he used to make sounds in response to me when he was about 4-5 months old, when I sang to him and does not do it anymore. What worries me now:

• Doesn’t always smile back
• Rarely respond to name
• Doesn’t copy / imitate
• doesnt hold his milk bottle
• Babbles and smiles at objects / to himself but not in response to me so no back any forth babbling
• also his babbling is repetitive and monotone
• Swirling hands and feet - constant need for movement. Especially when hi sits in a play chair or on someone - he sort of puts his arms out and up (like a scarecrow lol and starts twirling his wrists), stretches out legs and twirls his feet and wiggles toes , does it pretty much all the time, people commenting “he always needs to be on the go”, “can’t sit still” etc. if he is not sitting he will be flapping hands and / or arms or rubbing feet together or against something pr hitting things
• Stiffens / tenses arms and legs and grunts
• Tongue protruding most of the time
• Grumpy easily and gets very frustrated easily and with everything, especially if I remove things he should not be playing with
• Wakes up every couple of hours / can’t sleep alone so we co-sleep
• Need for sensory input -all the time squeezing, touching, rubbing, sucking constant, chews and sucks on my arm / shoulder / hand
• No sustained eye contact - he will look at me when I sing to him or work hard to entertain him or from a distance and will half of the time smile but then will turn away quickly
• no standing / standing on toes / not interested in jumperoo
• Difficulty in weaning - dislikes purée texture / gags/ vomitted once , but likes eating paper
• Hard to engage playing with toys - interested in labels /zips / tassels, with toys mostly violently bashes them
• Does not smile at himself in a mirror - would rather look at me than himself, smiles at objects more than people
• Often rubs his face as if tired but def not tired (I.e. just had a long nap and bottle), my mother in law always comments on this
• Short attention span
• Not much interest in toys / does not enjoy peekaboo much / gets bored of it quickly but likes when I blow bubbles for him as “ready steady go”
• quickly loses interest in old toys and prefers non toy objects - shoes / mugs / etc
• throws himself backwards arching his back and throwing his head back when frustrated / bored / upset

i have a terrible anxiety about it, mostly that I worry that with so many red flags presenting so early he would be severely affected coupled with a intellectual disability. I am ashamed to admit the thought of life caring for such complex needs person terrifies me.

i am trying to address my anxiety but I would also like to connect with mums who are going through similar worries, to feel less isolated as at the moment babies groups are just sending me deeper into depression.

thanks everyone for reading.

I can understand you feeling worried if he doesn't seem like other babies.

Have you sought any help @Wobblyheart? One thing I've realised is that you have to push for every bit of support.

If you haven't sought any help yet I'd recommend asking your HV to assess him using the Ages & Stages for 8 months, there another one at 9 months if she can't see you until then.

I'd also ask for a referral for a hearing test as Glue Ear can often present in similar ways to ASD, also, if he does end up having SLT, they will want him to have had a hearing test first

Thank you - yes he was already assessed by HV and is in a grey zone :(

It's quite normal for them to have one or two grey zones, often they can be working on one thing, like crawling or standing and another skill gets out to one side for a while.

Did the HV say when they'd see your DS next?

2-3 months time. The more stories I read the more I can see the pattern here, I am just so terrified of a life caring for an adult with intellectual disability. I know it’s a fairly normal fear but also ashamed as it is about my baby, whom I love but I just really wish my life was easier and that he could lead a life without limitations.

I think you are worrying prematurely. A lot of the milestones you list (name response, imitation, playing functionally with toys) aren't expected at eight months. If he's just started babbling, it will be monotone and repetitive (babbling is repetitive by nature). At eight months loads of babies of prefer non toy things, play by banging, have short attention spans, and are very, very sensory seeking. You're applying signs that might point to autism in a child 18 months plus to one half that age.

In any case, you've done all you can by seeing the HV and getting on her radar. Worrying won't change any outcomes.

Are you seeing anyone about your anxiety? You sound like you've had a stressful few years and been anxious in a few areas of your life. And if mum groups are sending you into depression when your baby sounds roughly on track (sitting, babbling, holding objects) I suspect you might have PND or PNA. Put it this way, if your child is autistic (which is far from certain), you need to have your mental health in the best possible place.

Hello. My daughter who is nearly 4 and just recently diagnosed with ASD displayed quite a lot of these signs - looking back the most obvious sign was the constant twirling of hands and feet. However! As previous posters suggested, lot of these traits are also perfectly normal for babies at this age. So maybe keep an eye on them and see how things progress. It really only becomes something to really worry about when it is persistent at an older age. Some of these traits disappeared in our child, some have become far more heightened but we really knew for sure about 18 months.

We did feel instinctively that she was different and wasn't engaging with us as expected - most parents with diagnosed children say they same. So you are right to keep an eye and seek intervention if you feel you need to. She also had glue ear!! But also try to just enjoy the present, and your baby as much as you can. Try to put the worries to the back of your mind. Easier said than done as someone who has been there, but I regret not enjoying the early days more and worrying to the detriment of my time with her, and being so anxious.

Also, please don't fall down the rabbit hole of lifelong care/complex needs etc. Its so easy to do but it takes you to a very negative place and could all be for nothing. Just for perspective, as I said, our daughter did much of this at that age. And yes she is diagnosed, but she is happy, social with people she is comfortable with, and doing well at nursery. Yes its not easy but a diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean lifelong care of an adult. You really have to take it as it comes.

Which areas of development were in the grey area? I understand why you are worried but a lot of what you described is also normal. Usually children with clear additional needs will be in the dark area for at least 2 domains, although this also isn’t an indication a child definitely has additional needs.
in the meantime, attend as many singing/story language based groups as you can and try not to worry.

Thank you everyone for replies. @Freshstarts23 he scored in grey for gross motor and communication at around 7 months, he is now 9,5 months and for 6-8 months questionnaire passing easily, but for 9 months-9 months 30 days questionnaire he is scoring in grey for communication and problem solving (but nearly there for that one), black below cutoff for gross motor, hence my worry. He cannot really bear weight on his feet yet, either stands on tiptoes or buckles, and cannot imitate when i tap on the table / floor or anything else. That said his babbling and eye contact improved a bit. But he is just so obsessed with labels (either soft ones on toys or even the stick on ones), screens, our oven (digital clocks), digital displays, and cords.

Oh I also forgot to mention that he bites me and his other carers (but has 5 teeth coming at the moment), mouths everything and lick everything - like he will lean down to lick the floor, licks me, lick phones, licks toys, licks books etc

My youngest is the same age and does many very similar things, licking everything, poking tongue out, flapping hands, hitting toys. I'm not concerned about him at all because his sister was exactly the same and she is completely neurotypical! 8 month olds just kind of do a lot of that stuff!

thank you for everyone who replied, it helps to have thoughts rather than your anxious own to contend with.

my boy is now 9.5 months and some things improved a bit. he babbles a bit more but still no back and form and limited in variety, I think I also had a three point gaze a few times but it happens rarely. but also I see many more worrying things, and having a really rough time.

Having read up on some other indicators, my son has all of them:

• tented open mouth 90% of the time and drooling
• he always rolled with legs and pelvis first rather than corckscrew - I never knew it was abnormal but when saw this my heart sank
• still badly suffering from reflux
• stuffs his mouth full of food and does not chew properly and often food would just stay in his mouth for 10-40 minutes after eating
• cannot drink from a cup
• assymrtrical commando crawling and now is in black zone for 9 months ASQ for gross motor
• hardly bears any weight on standing and stands with support on tiptoes and then just buckles and wobbles
• still has head lag at 9.5 month old and always had it
• clenches food in his arms and gets tense and grunts when eating
• towatds the end of meals gets visibly distressed and bangs pr heads shake and either cries or moans
• no gestures to be picked up or others
• does not initiate peekaboo
• obsessed with non-toy items and throws tantrums if he is pulled away from those
• does not understand when I am angry or sad
• does not imitate at all
• well and all stimming is still there

i think I know deep down that he has autism but I am the only one who sees it in my family. I think I am grieving the life I thought we would have and it’s bloody hard and lonely place to be. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this. I am waiting for therapy but worried it’s not going to help. How can it when this is likely
to change our life in a such profound way. And the thought of my son struggling in this world for whole of his life just kills me inside.

I also just had a read through the posts and I just feel so sad to see how many people are struggling with their autistic children.

I’m going to PM you

I don't think posting here is going to do you any good until you get what sounds like very, very severe anxiety under control. I read your posts on other boards and you have a lot going on; it must be really stressful.

I can tell you that a lot of the things you're noticing are totally normal (no 9 month old can understand anger or sadness in someone else). Also, some of your observations are contradictory (it's very, very unlikely that a 9 month old who can crawl has poor head control, for example). This makes it hard to know whether what you're writing is accurate or coloured by anxiety.

I would get the HV to look at the asymmetrical crawling. Mostly that resolves without issue but it's worth checking on - though it's a sign of other things much more commonly than autism.

@BusMumsHoliday, thank you for taking the time to respond. I want you to know that I truly appreciate your concern, even though it has been difficult for me to hear. I never said though that he had poor
head control (although he developed it a bit later than average - around 4,5 months). My son can hold his head normally whilst on tummy or sat up. However, despite that he still experiences head lag, which means that during the pull-to-sit test, his head lags behind (like in the video below) rather than keeping it upright without delay.

We had his head lag assessed by a physical therapist and private paediatrician when he was younger, but no specific physical reason was found, although it was noted to be present. To address this, he was referred to a neurologist, but unfortunately, the wait time for an appointment is quite long (32 weeks).

I'm trying my best to cope with anxiety and worries about my son's development. I have sought therapy and medication support, but it's still challenging to come to terms with the fact that there is something atypical in his development. While I may not have all the answers about his condition, I can't help but notice a significant difference between him and other babies in the same age group.

If anyone who has gone through similar experiences has any advice or tips on managing anxiety, I would be incredibly grateful for your input.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kk40gQx01uk&pp=ygUISGVhZCBsYWc%3D

As I mentioned in my PM, child development is my area of work and even I was unaware of head lag or it being a possible sign of ASD. I think the fact you are aware of this probably highlights your anxiety and the amount of research you are doing online. Whilst the internet can undeniably be very useful, when someone has anxiety, especially around health, it can be so harmful.

My biggest piece of advice to you would be to stop looking on the internet. The biggest effect on your sons development right now will be the interactions he is getting from his primary caregivers. The best thing you can do for him is okay with him, read to him, sing to him, go for walks and take care of your mental health.

Unfortunately, even if he does have ASD a diagnosis anytime soon will be unlikely.

Hi Op,
I thought I'd reply to you cos I felt the same way as you for such a long time. I had concerns about my son from quite early on.
When I mentioned them to my husband or family members I was sort of shut down, normal first time mum worries etc so we all bumbled along.

At 13 months I had enough of the worry and panic and rang my HV. I got a clinic apt. When we went through the issues I seemed to see in my son she agreed with me. So he got lots of referrals pediatrics, audiology, physio and speech and language.

When I came out of the appointment I had a sense of relief that someone else agreed with me, but also upset that actually this is real. Sounds weird I know.

We had a short wait for physio and they gave us so many helpful tips and tricks over the 5 months he was seen there.

Next up about 3 months after the HV apt we seen the community paeds consultant. She was lovely. After his assessment she confirmed he had development delay in gross motor skills, communication and speech and language. To be honest after that apt I mourned a bit. For the child I wanted and trying to explain to everyone why he's not hitting his mile stones.. Not just family randomers in classes etc as he's a big boy looks at least a year older haha!

After the initial period of worry and doubt after his diagnosis I actually started worrying less. Got less frustrated with him and myself. I blamed myself a lot for his problems. I started to enjoy him and just in the end knew that he was making some sort of progress, and he's behind but he will catch up. Its his normal.

Thankfully he started crawling and walking after his intensive physio sessions, so we have been discharged.

He's failed his audiology assessment so awaiting a retest. No sign of Salt yet, but the WL is long.

We have had a follow up apt with our paeds consultant, who is happy with his/our progress..its a long road and there will be setbacks along the way..

Personally I feel he's made all this improvement because of the diagnosis, thus having access to the services he needed.

Good luck!

Just wanted to say thanks again for everyone who supported me on this thread. I am doing so much better for that. I have a quick question if that’s okay? My little boy reached out to me for the first time a couple of days ago, and made me so happy! He does not do it unprompted but would extend his arms to me to be picked up if I extend mine first - does it count as a gesture? Or does it need to be unprompted?

my son is almost the same, he very rarely responds to his name, he rarely smiles back, but he does it a lot with strangers than with us parents, he interacts little with us, but with his older sister he smiles and laughs a lot he follows her when she calls him turns right away. He's changed a lot since 4 months and up. He's become more serious and interacted less. He eats solid foods without problems.has been sitting unsupported at almost 8 months. he looks like a serious kid. how is it going with your son?

@Hallo27 hi, thank you for your message and sorry you have some worries, it’s not easy. My son has just turned 10 months and is doing better. There is more eye contact and smiles, he does respond to his name better. He reaches out and yesterday started clapping but not in response to us, just to himself. The lack of imitation and not initiating peekaboo, not playing so big or patacake and not so frequent babbling worries me still though.

how old is your son? Xx

my son was 8 months old when I wrote. He bable a lot baba ne ne ma ma de de m m.
He turned 9 months on August 23. His eye contact improved as soon as he turned 9 months. He smiles a lot more he looks like another baby. He looks for me a little more and wants to come to me. But he doesn't crawl yet but he pushes himself with his arms. He responds a little more to his name, I would say 30%.
But he doesn't imitate, he don’t clap. I'm still very worried.

I'm Hallo27. the other username has problems

He how are you? how is your son? has he started imitating? My son is 10 months old and he doesn't imitate either

Hi Hallo, give it time. I still have some concerns but my little.pne (who is now almost 12 months) is imitating clapping, plays peekaboo, reaches up and ot looks like pointing might he emerging.

It's really easy to fall into the rabbit hole of worry, I know it myself. All I would say is look at ages and stages questionnaire , and cdc milestone app is a good one too. On the ASQ as long as your baby in white or grey it's passing. And if you have a friendly and understanding HV, have a chat to them too.

But I think you will find that many babies jut become so much more interactive around 11-12 months mark.