Strongly suspect autism in 8 months old, looking to connect with others with the same worries

[Wobblyheart]

Hi everyone…. I don’t know where to start. I had a really tough few years of my life with infertility, serious health concerns, family issues, and now after giving birth to my long awaited child at 36 I strongly suspect he has autism.

I felt he was different from other babies early on but could not quite understand what and managed to stop worrying about him for a bit when he was showing some progress. However, recently some traits became more pronounced. I googled hand twirling and eye contact / no back and forth babbling and this got me worried about autism.

my beautiful baby is only 8 months old and it’s not just one thing that worries me but a whole picture (there’s just so much!)

to start with, it seemed like things were improving for my LO - he was giving more eye contact, became a bit more smiley, started saying babababa dadadadada, sat up around 8 months (although still falls) and just got his first tooth and started crawling commando style (but only engaging hands).

however other things I was worried about did not go away and became more pronounced If anything, also he used to make sounds in response to me when he was about 4-5 months old, when I sang to him and does not do it anymore. What worries me now:

• Doesn’t always smile back
• Rarely respond to name
• Doesn’t copy / imitate
• doesnt hold his milk bottle
• Babbles and smiles at objects / to himself but not in response to me so no back any forth babbling
• also his babbling is repetitive and monotone
• Swirling hands and feet - constant need for movement. Especially when hi sits in a play chair or on someone - he sort of puts his arms out and up (like a scarecrow lol and starts twirling his wrists), stretches out legs and twirls his feet and wiggles toes , does it pretty much all the time, people commenting “he always needs to be on the go”, “can’t sit still” etc. if he is not sitting he will be flapping hands and / or arms or rubbing feet together or against something pr hitting things
• Stiffens / tenses arms and legs and grunts
• Tongue protruding most of the time
• Grumpy easily and gets very frustrated easily and with everything, especially if I remove things he should not be playing with
• Wakes up every couple of hours / can’t sleep alone so we co-sleep
• Need for sensory input -all the time squeezing, touching, rubbing, sucking constant, chews and sucks on my arm / shoulder / hand
• No sustained eye contact - he will look at me when I sing to him or work hard to entertain him or from a distance and will half of the time smile but then will turn away quickly
• no standing / standing on toes / not interested in jumperoo
• Difficulty in weaning - dislikes purée texture / gags/ vomitted once , but likes eating paper
• Hard to engage playing with toys - interested in labels /zips / tassels, with toys mostly violently bashes them
• Does not smile at himself in a mirror - would rather look at me than himself, smiles at objects more than people
• Often rubs his face as if tired but def not tired (I.e. just had a long nap and bottle), my mother in law always comments on this
• Short attention span
• Not much interest in toys / does not enjoy peekaboo much / gets bored of it quickly but likes when I blow bubbles for him as “ready steady go”
• quickly loses interest in old toys and prefers non toy objects - shoes / mugs / etc
• throws himself backwards arching his back and throwing his head back when frustrated / bored / upset

i have a terrible anxiety about it, mostly that I worry that with so many red flags presenting so early he would be severely affected coupled with a intellectual disability. I am ashamed to admit the thought of life caring for such complex needs person terrifies me.

i am trying to address my anxiety but I would also like to connect with mums who are going through similar worries, to feel less isolated as at the moment babies groups are just sending me deeper into depression.

thanks everyone for reading.

Forgot to add he does not still imitate sounds and his receptive language isn't massive but I am going to give it time. He is an absolute joy and I know he will get there

Thank you very much! he imitates very rarely and almost nothing. He has become more smiley since the 9th month. maybe he interacts more he responds more to his name sometimes he seems deaf. But I see improvements in him. Sometimes he seeks our attention. he understands come here, take this, sometimes when I ask him where his sister is. sometimes he looks at his sister but many times he doesn't. He holds out his hand to show us what he has in his hand but doesn't let go. when he is eating I am close he brings the food into my mouth

@Wobblyheart I wondered if you have any updates on how your son is progressing? I have similar concerns about my 9 month old… people keep telling me it’s too young to know, but I’ve done so much reading (probably the wrong thing to do!!) and keep convincing myself further…

@Brainversusworld hi there, so my LO has just turned one last week and overall made amazing progress. He points,
claps, plays peekaboo, waves good bye:
he does not say or imitate words just yet. However, I cannot say my concerned disappeared. He still does some
arm flapping (although it looks different and more normal now), some rocking and
occasional head shaking, but could well be within the normal range. What concerns me the most is his inability to regulate emotions. He throws intense tantrums just because he is not allowed to play with a cord, for example, or a toy wad taken from him, or a toy not doing what he wants. It is worse when he is tired and tantrums are short lived but intense - full body arching with head tilting back, if on the floor he can throw his face down on the floor, or rolls about and arches and kicks legs and screams. He also cannot sit still at all for a minute , constantly constantly fidgeting.
he has bitten and squeezed some other babies at nursery several times now and is their worst offender and he is also very sensory seeking.

what worries you about your baby? Feel free to pm me if you have any other questions

Hi @Wobblyheart thank you for your reply! It’s really reassuring to hear your little one has made such fantastic progress! My fabulous little boy is 9.5 months, and whilst he’s recently passed all areas of his 9 month HV ASQ I do still have lingering concerns… namely:

• Rarely smiles at strangers - will either stare them down or try and avoid eye contact, we get a lot of the “that’s a serious face” comments
• eye contact is “ok” much better with family and seems to be improving
• response to name is super variable- some days it feels like 75% response, others 30% (although I’m aware those 30% days may coincide with me feeling anxious and over testing)
• In baby groups he’s like a different baby to home, very quiet, rarely smiles at any of the mums despite seeing them weekly (all the other babies in the group seem to smile when you smile at them)
• He claps although not always in context- loves clapping on his own accord but more recently has started doing it when we say “clapping” or when we clap at him
• He doesn’t wave yet
• No shaking his head for no
• He does a strange point (and has done since around 8 months) with his index finger slightly bent- he’ll point at things like books/pictures/teddies/planes and birds in the sky/graffiti/people although rarely looks round to see if we’re looking too
• very sensory seeking- constantly rubbing his thumb against his fingers or our clothing, rubs his feet together a lot
• i worry about joint attention- sometimes he’ll look at me while we’re playing, a lot more while we’re reading a book together, for example in dear zoo he’ll sometimes lift the flap then look at me to make the animal sound.
• He doesn’t look where I’m looking but does follow a point
• He does a lot of arm flapping and leg kicking, particularly when excited this can turn into a kind of wiggle to music (could just be cute dancing!)
• I wonder if there’s some evidence of finger posturing as he likes to keep his index finger pressed against his thumb (like an OK sign)
• He’s a poor sleeper, recent 8 month sleep regression has meant hourly to two hourly wake ups, so we’re co-sleeping, although he has previously slept 8-10 hours through when we sleep trained at 6 months
• doesn’t initiate peekaboo although likes playing it most of the time (will smile/rarely laugh)
• Has occasionally scrunched his eyes up when eating/while looking at the TV but this seemed to coincide with teething so I wonder if was more to do with pain
• always on the go! Constantly wants to move/crawl/cruise sometimes difficult to get his attention/concentration

However positives include:

• The most gorgeous happy boy, I’m so so in love with him- which doesn’t help my anxiety!
• will smile and laugh a lot at myself and my husband, as well as grandparents- although not sure if this is necessarily is in response to others smiling, more just being happy with us being there and playing
• meeting all gross and fine motor milestones- crawls, pulls and lowers from standing, cruises etc
• Babbles mama, dada, baba, rara- although varies in amount from day to day
• will sometimes immitate the above sounds
• does sometimes seem to engage in back and forth babbling
• will offer us his food when eating- giggles at this
• has started to seemingly sometimes show us toys like holding out a stacking cup to us
• shows excitement for certain toys like favourite book and stuffed animal
• is excited to see us (big smiles) when we come home or go into his room after a nap
• appears to have good receptive language skills. Knows “no” and stops (at least briefly haha), knows “where’s mummy, daddy, granny, dog, mr sloth and Ball” and will look for these people/items . Appears to know “come here” and “give it to mummy/daddy”
• likes anticipation games like 3,2,1 going to catch you and bubbles
• will look at us if we enter the room, and when we leave as long as not super distracted by something

I do also have diagnosed post natal anxiety, and am on medication and CBT for this (which is starting to help) it’s so hard to tell what is my “mum instinct” and what’s the anxiety, particularly as he’s my first. I also feel like I’m maybe expecting too much of him at 9 months… it’s just so hard not to compare…

I keep repeating what my mum told me “comparison is the thief of joy”. A truer statement I cannot fathom!

Sorry for the essay, but it was actually quite therapeutic putting everything down on paper!

@Brainversusworld oh my goodness, there is absolutely no need to worry, My 1 year old doesnt yet do some of the things you mention under positives so really not a concern at all.
And many od the things you listed under concerns are not expected from a 9-10 mo. Use age appropriate ASQ and CDC milestone app. If he passes, it means he is on track xx

@Brainversusworld I have just re-read your post and in all honestly, he sounds quite advanced for 9,5 months so give him a hug and forget about autism xx

I understand your worries OP. I knew from when he was 3 months old that my youngest had autism but he was 6 years old when he was diagnosed.

@elliejjtiny thank you for reaching out. May I ask what made you think that? Has your youngest ever pointed or had other gestures? How are they coping now? Xx

That's ok, always happy to talk about this as I remember how it felt to have concerns and he told they are too young to be showing signs of autism. At 3 months my youngest wasn't smiling and was making no eye contact at all. At 4 months his paediatrician looked after him for 30 minutes or so and was very concerned about his eye sight and hearing because during those 30 minutes multiple nurses were making baby noises at him, wanting to hold him and trying to make him smile at them. He didn't react to any of the nurses or the paediatrician. I wasn't convinced he was blind or deaf and we got the all clear from audiology and opthamology. I can't remember if he pointed or not but he didn't smile until he was 5 months and even then it was rare. In all his baby photos he is frowning.

He is now 9 years and 4 months. He likes maths but hates writing. He wants to hug random strangers and stroke their beards if they have one. He likes deep pressure and things that vibrate. His favourite toy is one of those vibrating exercise plates. He lies on it and turns the vibration on to maximum so his teeth are rattling. He can't be trusted with scissors because he will cut his hair, fingernails, eyelashes and clothes. All the children in his class have stationary pots on their desks but his teacher has to hide his scissors and only let him have them under strict supervision. Even then he will usually come home with very short nails/eye lashes and a new hole in his jumper.

OP, can I ask how your son is now? I’ve done a post myself as my 9 month old doesn’t babble or imitate sounds and has no gestures yet. Thanks! X

@Wobblyheart should add there’s a couple of other similar behaviours to those you list - mainly not smiling back as much as usual and some repetitive hand/feet movements x

Hi, I wrote above worried about my son and I know how it feels. Now my son is 14 months old and he seems to have changed a lot, he is always a more serious child than the others. But he has been pointing since he was 10 months old, he responds to his name but it is not constant, he understands many things he smiles at close family members he says 2 words. He knows how the whole remote control works, he tries to put on his shoes he shows me things. He is improving day by day day I still have some worries just because he doesn't always respond to his name, but that's because I tested him too much. It seems like it's just his character, he's calm as a baby. You'll see a lot of changes between 10 and 12 months.
I hope I have been helpful.

Ah, my brother-in-law's daughter is now 1 year old, she has never and I mean never babblet but she responds to her name 90%. She smiled a lot when she was 6 months old but now she is more serious too. But she points and attracts attention by screaming.

That’s great, glad to hear he’s doing well and thanks for responding @Hallolorik27 x

@YetAnotherAnxiousMum1 hi, i have updated here , but essentially still a number if worries. I feel like it.could.go either way in the future. But as of now we are looking at a speech delay.

9 months is so so young, and I know that it is when I had most concerns but I also had very unrealistic expectations about 9 month olds. So definitely agree with the PP, I saw a lot of porgess and change around 12 month mark.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4775060-to-feel-like-i-regret-ivf?page=8

Hi @Wobblyheart,

Thanks for replying. So sorry to hear you’ve had such a bad time of it, really sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Glad to hear things are starting to improve, hopefully that will continue for both you and your DS x

@Wobblyheart do you mind me asking how you LO is getting on now? My 8 month is showing similar signs to what you shared at the start of your post. Me and my other half are worried about the future

@OscarJ hi, I am sorry u can't provide a definitive answer. I am still worried amd there are certain red flags that are obvious to me but my family, nursery and HV are not worried. He is going to have a follow up visit from HV in 5 months when he turns 2 years old. Overall, he is making wonderful progress but I feel that he is going to be one of those kids where its picked up later on.

At 8 months though I would just say I had very unrealistic expectations. I'd suggest you check the CDC milestone app and you probably will see that your baby in on track. ASQ-SE questionnaire which you can google is used by HVs to pick up pontentjal social emotional issues. My son scores borderline there.

Many of the things you describe sound like my son who is now just over 2.5. Lots of back and forth progress over the past couple years is what I would say! He is now receiving early intervention and has had many referrals be made since the 2.5 year review. The general consensus at the moment is that he has a developmental delay with autistic traits.

My two cents is that a mother’s instincts are so invaluable, and whatever it is that you are feeling in regards to your son is probably about right. From very early on autism was at the back of my mind, and now I am vocalising my thoughts to the professionals that we are working with. I am open minded to the developmental delay being just that and nothing more, but I am also open to my son potentially being neurodivergent too. BUT I am very vocal in terms of advocating for my son and I try to get the best out of him and enjoy just having him, although sometimes it can be hard. I don’t know any other mums with atypically developing young children…so if you ever want to chat feel free.

Some things I would add to this thread following me reading some of the posts is that things like eye contact and pointing are not sure ways to say that someone is ND or not. My son for example has always made pretty good eye contact, enjoys close contact and cuddles, but has to this day NEVER pointed and he’s 2.5 despite many attempts to encourage this, I’ve kind of just come to the conclusion that it does not matter in the slightest. If were to turn back time I would place less pressure on hoping my son does things like pointing or nodding or saying ‘mama’ or other things that aren’t his vibe.

Hi @Wobblyheart how is your little one getting on now?

Hi! Well in a gist, I am still very unsure and have concerns. But, he is doing well. He has started pointing around 11,5 months, clapped and waved, then had a bit of a pause then it returned around 14 moths when he started to walk, and suddenly he was imitating everything. He never did back and forth babbling with me and hasnt imitated sounds until 15 months. Had first word at nearly 16 months, now he is 20 months old and he has around 40 words. He started to combine words but I still have concerns around his joint attention and eye contact. It is there, but not as robust as other kids i see in nursery and when we out and about. If we are playing with the toy he will look at the toy and if the toy does something interesting he might laugh but not look up. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesnt but generally his eyes are on the object.

@Wobblyheart how is your LO getting on now? I have the same concerns about my little boy 😢

Hey! He is doing really well, so dont worry! I think he might be ND still but probably not autism. I found out recently that it is highly likely that I have ADHD so seems like this runs in the family!

@Wobblyheart do you mind updating me on your baby's progress? Many thanks!