Thread 12. Autism and any other additional needs.

[danni0509]

Thread 12.

For parents / carers of disabled children, autism, adhd, and all other related neurological conditions. Most of us have children in primary school. But everybody welcome!

Chatting about anything and everything related to SN!

Just typing quick as ds needs to get ready for bed. I’ll link the previous threads later.

x

danni the frequency is far too much, weekly should be sufficient, especially since the behaviours seem to be the same daily. They should absolutely also be giving positive feedback. I totally agree with Moomin & carrie’s suggestions and I would copy in the caseworker.

Wow @carriebradshawwithlessshoes great email!! Go for it @danni0509 !!

You can tell them you’re consulting your lawyer about the matter

Open DH said it was good. They believe DS reads more in sentences than single words so want to modify his tablet in essence…

That sounds positive. Does he use it at home too?

I’ve been a bit rubbish with it at home Open tbh. It’s incredibly fiddly then you can’t find the damn word like if you want to say let’s go on the swing to get to the word swing you have to go through numerous sub folders such as entertainment then outdoors then to do then moving games then swing. I can’t see ds having that level of patience or really cognition! Often I can’t find the bloody word. There must I feel be easier techs.

Does ds seem to find the words more quickly? Are you supposed to use it as well as him then if his receptive language is good?

Yes we are supposed to use it to model and then him to use it independently. Often there’s just pics but because he can read the words are there too. It is v convoluted though. I may be wrong but I would have thought the vast majority of nv kids would not be able to use something like this but what do I know? Personally I struggle to say anything substantive! 🤣

Danni that must be very draining. It's so tiring looking after our lovely kids without all the negative communication.

That's great news re the horse riding Moomin I don't think DS would ever think like that. Today he came out of school raging, screaming and hitting me. He seemed to calm down a bit on the way home and asked me what things I didn't like - sadly he was just constructing a shopping list of things to do to make me unhappy.

DD and I are enjoying watching a family of blackbirds whose nest is in the creeper above our living room window. DS just told me that he is going to get some stones and kill the birds. Some days I just feel so sad and scared about what kind of person I am bringing up.

I am going to put the sprinkler on now to try to reset DS's mood

Open just noted your comments re my email. I always think I’ve drafted things very well . DH on the other hand sighs, shakes his head and says ‘you are not at work Carrie.’ Then often bans me from sending until he’s vetted 🤣.

hope the sprinkler works Dimples!

carrie in this case danni requests have fallen on deaf ears, so perhaps something more strongly worded is needed!

dimples I feel the same sometimes. No idea where he gets some of his ideas. I’m not even sure YouTube is to be blamed.

@danni0509 coming at this from a different point of view, I’ve always found that even specialist teachers don’t have a good handle on how to manage. I used to get them to tell me every single incident with DS, as the teachers he had wouldn’t want to be sending regular updates but I felt it was important to monitor what was going on with him. I guess I come at it from a pragmatic POV, yes specialist school should have all the skills, but often they don’t.

We as the parents, have usually a really in-depth knowledge of our kids. So if they are open to it I’d be suggesting regular meetings with them and passing on your insights. I’d be asking what led up to the incidents, and explains why you think your son then got distressed or acted out. I think I do this every time DS gets a new teacher (which seems to be every year!) and have phone calls and one to one meetings with the teacher. It is annoying having to the one to suggest what to do, but I’ve found DSs teachers only too happy to get some insight and it’s usually worked out that they realise how their reactions/actions or the environment is often the cause - and we work through it together.

Sorry I know, I do get it. Especially with PDA etc. But worth working with them if you can as when they start to get it, it makes life a lot easier for our kids in school.

I think @danni0509 has tried all this and trying to work proactively with schools yet still it results in constant negativity, which is draining for all. Once a placement breaks down,its very hard to rebuild it. They should be suggesting strategies too.

Parents evening went well. Only a few more weeks until summer holidays!

I think with school there’s a way to do it. I would expect them to carry out an ABC analysis of behaviour, what happened before, what the consequence was etc. all for them standard stuff. I would expect them to formulate their own thoughts on the situation and then present the situation to me for input after a period of time. Then between us, agree the best way forward and them to implement, updating me after a further period of time to see if these strategies are working or not.

I do think, unfortunately, schools complaints daily like this aren’t really for the child’s benefit they are just wanting a good moan/ to share the pain! Just presenting a problem with no proposal for solution.

All we want is to get our dc into the right school and yet often it’s so bloody hard.

Do you feel ds is now Open? I know there’s blips but I guess that anywhere???

well I’m willing to admit I’m not joyous about the upcoming hols. 6 bloody weeks. I can only take so much annual leave. We are in Spain a week then I can possibly push another one. Which leaves a month with no childcare other than GP in their 80s. DSs school has no hol club. God knows what I’m going to do with them! What do people do with them?! Plus whilst I enjoy having them around I very much enjoy time not having them around!! 🙄. Even if I wasn’t working by the time we had done 3 or 4 days together all day every day I’m at my limit. That goes for DD too!

Anyone got any exotic (or otherwise) hols booked over the summer??

What will happen is that GP will come over to look after them, I’ll have half an ear out all day and when I can hear not coping/ commotion I’ll be zipping up and down stairs like a lunatic whilst clients are getting more and more cheesed off at my slowness and I’ll end up getting nothing done and irritated cross clients when I’m really trying my best!

ooo bring the holidays on 😡😡😡

We're going to Norway for a bit and some UK camping. Aside from that,just booking some days out but with lots of downtime at home. DS has declared that he wants to learn French over the summer(?) So I've bought a book, we'll see if he actually wants to do it!
@carriebradshawwithlessshoes it's virtually impossible to find childcare in the holidays for us, hence me changing to a termtime only contract. It's less money and very intense, but it works out for us as a family. I miss my alone time by September though!!

Moomin I am jealous of your Norwegian hols.

We are going to Scotland probably for a beach holiday in the rain for a week and also having a mini break to visit Drayton Manor.

I have booked a week's unpaid parental leave at the end of July and will probably do another one in August. My boss was a bit funny about approving it - or rather confused as to why I had requested it. Honestly, that man drives me mad sometimes. When I emailed to say it was because I did not have enough annual leave left to cover the hols, I am a lone parent, don't want to over tax my Mum and as DS is disabled he can't go to mainstream holiday schemes and SEN provision is virtually non-existent - he replied I suppose that makes sense. Apart from the week we're away I am planning to just work Mondays in the school hols. DS has been to SEN holiday club before but they haven't advertised anything yet and it's only 2.5 hours a week so it doesn't enable me to work but has given me 1:1 time with DD.

My Mum is going to Australia tomorrow for 3.5 weeks it's going to be tough without her.

It does seem that @danni0509 's DS's school have tried everything except putting him in the class that's closer to his academic level or actually trying to teach him something. There's a tendency to give SN kids easier work if they're doing badly. Not sure that's always the right move.

Moomin when you change jobs aren’t you looking at normal hours (not tto) or did I misunderstand that? What would you do then?

all hols sound lovely.

dimples the man is on another planet but then we knew this before now…. 🙄🙄🙄

carrie I don’t know yet. On paper it is but we’re not out of the woods.

I’m looking forward to the holidays, but I don’t have to juggle work so it’s much easier for me. We haven’t booked our holiday yet. I always do a bingo list of things to do and try and get out of the house at least every other day. Ds is pretty good out and about at the moment which is great.

Moomin Norway sounds fab, I’ve never been. Have been to Sweden & Denmark.

dimples I hope it all works out well over the hols. Tricky to manage it all by yourself.

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes yes, one of the reasons I'm staying put I think! I'd otherwise have to wfh a bit with DS here (tricky) and use unpaid leave. It's a hard balance.

Although I do know someone irl who got a tto offer from a traditional workplace as they wanted them so much, so I think it is possible, just depends on the employer and the role.