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Comment made by dd - heartbreaking:(

39 replies

blossomhill · 24/11/2004 21:12

As you probably all know I have been having a really hard time with dd and everything.
Anyway on Saturday after playing up for the 100th time that day she got really upset when I told her not to do what she was doing. She then started crying her eyes out and said "mummy I have got something wrong with me". "Mummy I am different". It got me right in the chest I felt gutted and started crying and dd was like "cry mummy and I'll cry and cuddle me"
I just feel so sad that she is beginning to realise that she has special needs and the awful thing is that she is not able to understand enough for me to explain it to her. Why is it so hard?????

OP posts:
beccaboo · 24/11/2004 21:21

blossomhill, you poor thing. I've got a tear in my eye reading this. I don't have any helpful advice, but just wanted to send you a big hug - hope you're OK.

mrsmiawallace · 24/11/2004 21:22

cant help but want to send hugs youre way, it must have been really upsetting.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

pixiefish · 24/11/2004 21:23

big hugs to you and dd blossomhill

coppertop · 24/11/2004 21:27

BH. Here's a hug from me too.{{{{{{{}}}}}}}

ChicPea · 24/11/2004 21:32

I don't know your dd's special needs but I hope she feels very special to you.

{{{{{big hugs to you both}}}}}

tammybear · 24/11/2004 21:33

i dont usually look at special needs topics, but i had to post on here. sending you lots of hugs, and hope you're okay. xxxxxxxxxx

InternationalGirl · 24/11/2004 23:18

I know sometimes it can be hard and make you feel so sad - my daughter hasn't even come to the realisation that she is different and she's 4.6yrs. We just enjoy her for the bright, bubbly, fun, little kid she is who is just her own special little person (with a few extra challenges built in).

Your daughter will always be your special girl and you will make sure she knows that. and HUGS!!

Eulalia · 24/11/2004 23:32

Oh poor thing, its so hard when they do start to understand which is a good thing but makes it harder as well. We've not reached that stage yet...ds is still unaware.

The thing is she knows she loves you and that is the most important thing.

mieow · 24/11/2004 23:36

I just read this to DH, made me feel sad, Ds realised he was different a long time ago (he is nearly 7) but Dh just said that he was chatting to DS about his wheelchair, and DS said he doesn't want to go in it when he gets bigger as people won't like him
Haven't even attempted to explain to DD1 about her CP, she is still unaware.

fefifofum · 24/11/2004 23:59

No advice but lots of hugs for you and your extra special dd. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Dingle · 25/11/2004 00:05

Oh BH, what did you say to her?

I have nothing I can say to help you, just send you all love and a big hug.

Chandra · 25/11/2004 00:10

Many hugs Blossomhill. I really don't know what to say but I send you both lots and lots of hugs.

jakbrown · 25/11/2004 07:34

Oh Blossom, that is really hard. A really good friend of mine has a daughter with AS and has gone through this. I am going to ask her how she responded. It may help. Thinking of you...

nailpolish · 25/11/2004 08:06

bh heartbreaking is the right word

give her a cuddle from me and heres one for you too
xx

nailpolish · 25/11/2004 08:13

still thinking about this bh and mieow - its actually never crossed my mind about actually having to explain to your own children why and how they are different or special (right word? not sure and dont mean to offend). must be one of the hardest things ever to do. you two really get my admiration sometimes.

doesnt mn really make you think at times?

it does to me - expecially this thread

maddiemo · 25/11/2004 10:19

Oh BH. What do you think has made her become aware?
I can't think of anything useful to say but want you to know I am thinking of you.
Perhaps ask the unit what they do when children become aware of their differing needs.

SantaFio2 · 25/11/2004 10:23

blossomhil {{{{{{}}}}}}}

motherinferior · 25/11/2004 10:27

Oh, BH. this thread is about physical disability but might help a little?

I am so sorry. But she does know she's loved and incredibly precious to you, and that means so much too.

motherinferior · 25/11/2004 10:29

Oh, BH. this thread is about physical disability but might help a little?

I am so sorry. But she does know she's loved and incredibly precious to you, and that means so much too.

motherinferior · 25/11/2004 10:30

Oh, BH. this thread is about physical disability but might help a little?

I am so sorry. But she does know she's loved and incredibly precious to you, and that means so much too.

motherinferior · 25/11/2004 10:30

SORRY! Computer went mad on me.

Blu · 25/11/2004 10:58

BlossomHill - so sorry. I was all tearful for you, and that was BEFORE opening MotherInferiors well-remembered link!

I know it isn't the same, and forgive me, I'm not sure of the exact nature and extent of your DD's situation, but we have found that being as matter-of-fact as possible has enabled DS to start to understand that he isn't 'standard issue' while providing enough fact and re-assurance to prevent his imagination running riot or any sense of insecurity or panic to set in. This morning's Balamory was v useful for us, as it had a woman with partial sight using a guide dog. We had a chat about 'some people this and some people that, and some people need help in this or that way - that's who they are, it's the dog's job to make sure she doesn't bump into something - just like I have headlisghts on the car to stop me bumping in to things when it's dark"'.

I worked hard to dispel ideas of 'something wrong' - hard because for the months when DS's leg was in plaster, every strangers first words were 'aaah, what's wrong with him?'. yes, I know it's pc to challenge that, and basically, there was something 'wrong' - but I think 'wrong' is a very worrying concept for little people, and the idea does, as happened with your little treasure, upset them.

Can you keep saying 'there's nothing wrong with you - but you need help to speak / sit still / think about things?'(or whatever her needs are)...'you know, like helps you when you are at school, and I help you like this when we're at home. You see, you're fine when you have help, aren't you?'.

How is she today, Blossomhill?

Thomcat · 25/11/2004 11:03

Oh babes, bless you. Something similar happened to lou I think when her son suddenly said somehing about not being able to walk or something. lou am I right, are you there? If anyone can find that thread it might help at the moment.

She'll come to understand that yes she does have some qualitites that make her a little different to other children sometimes, but it's not that anything is wrong. I think, gently, over a period of time you'll talk to her about children who wear glasses, and children who have Down's syndrome and children who are in wheelcahris and children who have a harder time talking and doing their schoolwork and so on and show her how different everyone is, including her but it doesn't matter it just makes the world a better place and that it would be awful if everyone was the same.

I know it must hurt like hell though

Anorak's little girl asked me on a mumsnet meetup what it meant to have Down's syndrome and I stumbled my way through explanations about taking longer to learn things etc and she shrugged her shoulders and said 'oh right, yeah, my mum says it means beng really happy'! I later thanked anorak for her simple and wonderful way at explaining DS to her daughter.

Thomcat · 25/11/2004 11:05

Ahaa, thsat was the other thread, Blu's thread, made me go all lump in the troatish reading that again.
Lots of love Blu from TC x

enid · 25/11/2004 11:41

blast! teary eyes and big meeting coming up!

Lots of love and hugs to you both - you know you'll get lots of lovely advice here x E