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My son won't let his dad look after him

7 replies

Winecurestiredness · 26/12/2021 21:11

Right, long post but here goes. My DS1 is 9. He has autism, was my PFB, was ill and premature as a baby. But anyway, he is 100 percent healthy now, doing great, but I think I was a SAHM for too long and DH didn't help out enough with him. I was preparing to go back to work when he was 4 and our second child was 1. Then I got cancer (lymphoma), discovered I was pregnant, had a nasty intensive stem cell transplant, lost baby at 36 weeks. Anyway, that was 2017-18, it's almost 2022. I've been in remission since July 2018. I've been looking for jobs and finally have got one. My first in 9 years. Since lockdown, DS1 has had this strange thing about me leaving the house unless he is at school. He cries buckets if he is left at home with dad if I go to the supermarket for 2 minutes. Its beyond frustrating because he won't even tell us why. My parents are looking after him tomorrow for my first day at work..but my DH has been saying 'oh yeah expect lots of fraught calls from your parents not knowing how to cope with his crying' and DS has been saying to me all day "you can't go to work tomorrow mummy (tearfully) you can only go to work when I'm at school" and "promise me you'll only go to work when I'm at school". Its driving me mad. I've been at home for 9 years and finally after beating cancer I just want a life. He won't tell us why he feels like this. I'm just so frustrated. CAMHS and autism services just give us links to worksheets that our son refuses to engage with. I feel like il never have any sort of life

OP posts:
PanicBuyingSprouts · 27/12/2021 18:52

Sounds like you've had a really tough time.

I've no experience sorry. Maybe if you ask @MNHQ to move this over to the SN Chat Section some of the MNers will have ideas of how to help your DS with this new routine?

TalkToTheHand123 · 27/12/2021 19:43

He'll just have to suck it up!

It is heart breaking though, but he'll be fine. Just need things to keep him occupied till you return.

cherryonthecakes · 27/12/2021 22:25

Have asked admin to move this to Special Needs where you might get more knowledgeable help

PanicBuyingSprouts · 28/12/2021 09:21

How did you get on @Winecurestiredness?

LivMumsnet · 28/12/2021 09:27

Hi there, @Winecurestiredness, we hope you don't mind but we've moved this over to our SEN board, as suggested by @cherryonthecakes and @PanicBuyingSprouts
and hope that you find some useful advice here. Best of luck with everything. Flowers

Winecurestiredness · 28/12/2021 15:08

@panicbuyingsprouts thanks for checking in! It went okay considering, although after about 2 hours my parents were struggling and decided bring him from their house to my place of work, because he again became upset about going home to my husband. Thankfully my work were understanding, but my dad really did struggle to get him to behave while I was finishing up work. I came back to my dad in a separate room, my son was lying on the floor, breathing heavily, pressing his face up against chairs and fixtures (this is a special needs behaviour, quite distressing to watch) and was told he had hit out at my dad..my dad then said 'I'm not doing this again, I can't have him, it's too upsetting' but thankfully he changed his mind after my son realised that mummy's work is a boring place and promised to behave at my parent's house. Over all I love my new job and can't wait to go back again tomorrow. For the first time in ages I've felt like I've got a function and a purpose! :)

OP posts:
PanicBuyingSprouts · 28/12/2021 15:10

So glad that your work were understanding.

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