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SN children

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Original poster

do you have freinds who help you with child care ?

31 replies

jinglebells2shoessmells · 06/12/2007 17:53

another thread made me wonder if people with children with sn have freinds who help them.
I haven't as most of the people I know live miles away or have a sn child themselves.

OP posts:

coppertop · 06/12/2007 18:16

Nope. I don't have any child care at all. In emergencies I have to take all three of mine with me if dh is at work and can't get time off. I don't have any help from relatives either.

tobysmumkent · 06/12/2007 18:43

Message withdrawn

Graciefer · 06/12/2007 18:49

I am lucky to have my SIL who will watch either one of my children whilst we have an appointment with one or the other.

Also MIL helps out occasionally, although we don't like to ask her very often.

Help is always in the daytimes and always in my home though (accept for Monday night, where DH took me to the pub for a meal for my b'day - first 2 hours we have been out of an evening by ourselves for around 18 months).

We don't have any friends that could help out although there have been several other family members who have offered to help with DS2, although this is definately a baby thing, I wouldn't think there would be so many offers once he is as old as his brother.

Graciefer · 06/12/2007 18:51

Forgot to say though, this works both ways - as we often look after our nephew when SIL/BIL are working and always fed and clean their parrots and pets when they holiday 3/4 times a year.

Graciefer · 06/12/2007 18:51

*feed

needmorecoffee · 06/12/2007 18:53

nope. Nor family. When my older 3 were younger we'd have to take them to hozzie in the middle of the night if dd had a seizure and when she was in they'd be bored to tears spending all day in there for weeks.

aquariusmum · 06/12/2007 19:00

Friends have not been so good actually, but the grandparents really pitch in - in fact the one who will help most with my ASD DS is my 79 year old dad! He seems to have established a way of just letting him get on with his playing while he reads the papers. My in laws are also very good. My mum volunteers far more to look after my DD, who is NF - and I have to say that hurts and makes me mad as she really is not the one I need help with!

yurt1 · 06/12/2007 19:12

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

no. There are very few people who can even cope with ds1 in the same room (we lost a lot of 'friends' - I use the term loosely)

There are 2 other people who can cope with ds1. 1) My Mum 2) Goosey on here who works a childminder and provides respite for kids with SN.

It's a problem as I really can't take ds1 to appointments etc with me, but I know I'm lucky to have 2 people.

Pixel · 06/12/2007 19:26

Well my friend is babysitting for me on saturday (so I can go out). She only lives down the road and is very good but unfortunately can't help as often as she'd like because her job requires her to be available to zoom off all over the place at a moment's notice. My other friend who used to help out has moved too far away and has a small baby of her own now.
My mum is great but my dad (they're divorced) hasn't seen dcs since ds's birthday in May even though he only lives 10 mins walk away (have invited him for picnics etc but he always has excuse). My sister can't cope with ds at all so never offers although I expect she would step in if it was an emergency.

mm22bys · 06/12/2007 19:40

My two are still very young (3 and 1) and DS2's problems aren't really all that noticeable (yet?), but I have only very occassionally had a friend look after mainly DS2. In return I look after her DD. It's only occassional, and only for an hour or so, while we go for a run, or run an errand. Another friend has offered to pick DS1 up from nursery, but haven't ever taken her up on her offer - I prefer to just ask if he can stay on for an extra session (like yesterday for instance, normally I get him by 4pm, but we were at a late appt with DS2 so by the time I had a coffee it was 5pm).

We have no family near by. DS1's old nursery was really flexible with the extra sessions (charged for of course), and he is basically in full-time now in his new nursery (9 till 4) - initially when he started he was only there 8 till 12.

Davros · 06/12/2007 20:03

NO! I have paid help who is great and she will babysit/mind but she can't take DS out anywhere. Otherwise we use SN services for daytimes when he is not at school when they are available. Some friends who also have children with ASD will do a favour now and then e.g. take both to a play scheme, stay at home with them during annual review etc, and I will reciprocate. My sister will have DD (NT) overnight now and then which is great and I have her DD to stay in the hols if she is working.

Joggeroo · 06/12/2007 21:22

No. family live miles away. Though I do have a friend who looks after them during 'emergencies' such as labour. .......so will have to try to go into labour when she's not at work in Feb....no stress there then!!

tibni · 06/12/2007 21:30

The childrens Godfather is also a close neighbour. He pops round all the time and will babysit for us. (he is looking after the children while we go to dh work do)

My parents will sometimes have the children but for safety it really needs to be at our home.

We do a lot of things as a divided family rather than to ask help too often.

onlyjoking9329 · 06/12/2007 21:42

well we are very lucky with friends thank goodness we have six lots of friends who have helped out a lot recently, and they all have kids with SN,and they are quite
mad happy to have our three.
before Steve was ill we used to have their kids but it's really not possible at the moment.we wouldn't have got throu the last year without these friends and DPs and bits of daytime respite.
i don't have any family and steves mum last had the kids in august and is having them overnight on saturday

sphil · 07/12/2007 10:04

We rely on family (and only my Mum and Dad are really reliable). No-one ever volunteers to look after DS2 (even my sister!) and it's not as if he's even difficult. My tutors are great, but obviously we have to pay them if we want extra hours.

jenk1 · 07/12/2007 10:54

my mum will occasionally babysit if we want to go out but we have a curfew!!!!

my aunt and uncle are brill, they always take ds out for the day when he,s on school holidays

my sister is very good with both of mine and will babysit also, so we are quite lucky, but dh,s family-NO!!!!

they think ds being AS is an "attention thing" and that although dd has CP and ASD and other problems, she,s fine and we are worrying about nothing so we never ask them.

macwoozy · 07/12/2007 11:10

No-one has ever babysat my ds, well apart from my brother who looked after him for about 1 1/2 hours once about 3 years ago, and that was only because he was living with us at the time. My friends have offered in the past but I know they would find him to much of a handful so I've never taken them up on the offer and parents have never offered in the first place(I can't blame them though)

I would love to go out with dp just for one evening, I wouldn't care what we did, even propping up a bar sounds really exciting! We miss out on so much, parties are a thing of the past. I even had to take my ds to my last ecg appt, (school hols) which he found very interesting that a stranger should be placing 'stickers' on my chest

Dinosaur · 07/12/2007 11:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

macwoozy · 07/12/2007 11:26

Yeh it is diffcult to ask but I don't think it's cheeky. You never know he might be well up for that, a nice way to earn a little bit of extra money.

Dinosaur · 07/12/2007 11:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

macwoozy · 07/12/2007 11:38

That sounds great if he can.

If you do ask him if he could babysit(I'd be mumbling something like there are others I could ask so as not make him feel obligated, but thought to ask you first as you've developed such a strong bond kind of thing)he might actually take it as a compliment that you should think so highly of him.

onlyjoking9329 · 07/12/2007 11:41

or you could do what i did when looking for direct payment staff, i asked the girls TA if she thought i could put a notice in the staffroom asking if anyone interested, she offered straight away

Dinosaur · 07/12/2007 11:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

onlyjoking9329 · 07/12/2007 11:47

cancel what i said about the kids going to grandparents tomorrow night, they are not going now

macwoozy · 07/12/2007 12:06

Oh what a disappointment for you

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