DS has Dyspraxia and seems socially immature are they connected?{very very long, sorry}

[KangaMummy]

DS is 9 years and has dyspraxia, we also think he is socially immature in that when he has a friend from school here for tea his behaviour goes way over the top.

Yesterday, a boy "A" came home with us after school and in the car DS was behaving in a very excitable way and "A" was saying "why are you laughing and acting like that?" It continued for about 1 hour.

In the end he calms down and will play. He just ran round the house saying to "A" "This is the sitting room, say hello to the sitting room, this is the kitchen say hello to the kitchen" He went all round the house with every room.

"A" hasn't been to our house before, but lots of children from his class have and he behaves in the same way with all of them APART from girl "L" who has been here so many times and she is used to his little ways. IYSWIM

What I would like to know is:

How can we help him to stop doing this?

Do any of your DD/DS do the same?

Is it a part of Dyspraxia?

The problem is that if we try to advise him on behaviour he gets angry and says we are just crititiseing{sp} him.

"A" is one of the oldest in the class and DS is one of the youngest, but it happens with whoever comes to play.

The other children seem like they don't know how to react to DS and are a bit confused.

This has been happening for years and we kept hoping it would get better with age.

Any tips or advice would be appriecated.

TIA

I may not be able to reply to messages straight away as I have to do it when DS is not in the room, IYSWIM

DS was very prem 27 weeks and was in NNU ITU for 3 months on Oxygen. Don't know if that is relivent.

Hi,

My apologies if you were already aware of this website but they may be able to help both you and your family further by offering support:-

The website address is www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk

HTH

Don't know for sure if the immaturity is associated with Dyspraxia, but dd has Dylexia and Dyspraxia (which do often go together) and sounds very similar maturity-wise. We went through a phase of not having friends of hers home at all as she just ended up alienating them (found it better to take them out somewhere like the park); she tends to behave a bit better off the home turf so to speak. Right from being tiny she's always got on better with younger children. She is the eldest rather than youngest in her year though you'd never guess. Like you we keep thinking she'll grow out of it - maybe she will eventually.

ds isn't diagnosed as dyspraxic (yet) but it rings some bells with me too. How much is character and what is social ineptitude I don't know though. He doesn't get overexcited rather the opposite - more withdrawn and uncooperative especially with kids he doesn't really know although he'll be happily sociable in a class setting. I worry he comes across as plain rude especially to other adults.

thanks for your replies

We don't really know what to do with the situation.

I don't think taking them to a park would work because it starts even before getting in the car and then in the car, so even if we went to the park we would have to drive further than it is to our house. IYSWIM

DD (nearly 6) has just been given a diagnosis and I was asked by the paed how she is socially as socially problems are often part and parcel of it, she was OK at the time but is slipping a bit at the moment and I'm planning to mention it at her next appointment.I don't know how you get them to stop, does he see and OT or a paed. at all and if so can you talk to them about it ?

sorry about your child jellyhead

Lots of the children come here but invites back to their houses don't happen as often apart from girl "L" but like I said before she is very much understanding of his little ways and he is better when she comes.

Boy "A" was just confused as to why DS was acting like he was.

It is kind of "Uncontrollable over excitement" he sort of doesn't know where the limit is.

It is like the way of behaving with his friends when they come here is out of control.

I can't really explain what I mean it is hard to put it into words.

yes he sees a SALT, OT + physio,

next pead consultant app is in JAN 05

SALT is going to do a school assessment soon, we would have mentioned it to her but he was in the room so I may try to talk to her on phone or write to her.

We have had brill help from everyone in NHS and are very lucky, he started going through the system after a referal to his pead consultant about his hypermobilty and hyper-extension and painful problems in his legs.

My heart goes out to you KangaMummy, totally out of the blue my ds new teacher (7 and just started at middle school) commented 'possible leanings towards dyspraxia' at recent parent consultation. She appears to be basing this on untidy handwriting, nothing has ever before been mentioned to us ie. first school - which I also helped in class at. So, we are concerned and had to comment as ds also gets very over-excited whenever he sees friends outside of School etc. and does have problems coping with learning to ride his bike. God, it's hard being a parent sometimes isn't it? Subsequent to conversation with his teacher, a couple of days later, about something else she almost dismissed what she'de previously said, it was almost as if she had to have something negative to say - but we need to know if she's serious about the dyspraxia, otherwise why even mention it, and his writing is quite untidy. By her mentioning it though has made me worry about these other aspects of his behaviour.

thanks pipin

DS is 9½ and he learnt to ride his little bike last year and we had to get him a bigger bike and so have to start the whole process off again.

He finally learnt by riding it down a grass hill it had to be quite steep to give the speed so he didn't wobble. He has a problem with steering and pedalling at the same time.

Can yours climb over a stile/gate/fence?
DS couldn't and we didn't realise why until we read about it. he has now taught himself to. He couldn't work out where to put his legs or hands or feet.

oops sorry pipkin

HI- my son has Asperger's and ADHD.... all these'sydromes' share similar behaviours.....and alot of the descriptions overlap.

my son is 11 in dec and tonight we had his 'girlfriend' round for tea and fireworks.....and tom's ADHD 'hyperactive' excitability and his 'dyspraxic' poor co-ordination-and his Asperger's 'imature' social skills all came togteher at once!

HE had a GREAT time.....he was glowing with happiness.....but the impact he had on others was not so good.

He managed to bang into my chin which caused me to bite through the sides of my tongue (1cm each side)
He was rude and used inappropriate language towards me.....something that has been 'under control' for a while
His girlfriend felt awful about his behaviour (especially my tongue injury) and said it was her fault because she had got him 'hyped up'- i was busy trying to reassure her- then in his Asperger's way pointed out that she was right- it was her fault.

i then had to explain to her how his asperger's can mean he can seem rude etc and that he often can say things that he has no idea will hurt someone.

So what i'm trying to say is that i think that this excitement/imaturity is connected to the dyspraxia in your son's case (and Aspergers/adhd for my son) as i think to some extent they simply cannot contain their emotions and then if a situation is slightly stressful- ie a friend visiting- then they cope in this way.

like you he has many friends i think- but no invites to parties etc.

thanks mrsforgetful

sorry to hear about your tongue

What do you do to try to calm your DS down?

I don't know how we can help him behave in a calmer way.

Does anyone have any tips please?

Hi Kangamummy yes ds can climb over a gate and I'm so sorry I can't offer any advice in order to help you. It's just dreadful to see them suffering and to feel helpless isn't it. Sending you hugs and lots of positive thoughts. Hope someone will post with something more constructive, v. sorry for being so useless!

xxx

thanks pipkin for your kind thoughts and hugs

mumsnet is so brill everyone is so kind.

My ds2 has various motor and co-ordination problems and also some language/ communication problems. I have been concerned about dyspraxia (although constantly get told that 3 is too young to diagnose it) so have read about it quite a bit. Definitely social immaturity and excitability is a common feature. Have you read "Dyspraxia" by Amanda Kirby - that might have some suggestions. The Dyscovery Centre website (my favourite link - I seem to be forever typing this into Mumsnet ) also has a chat board for parents many of whom have dyspraxic children so you might get some advice if you post there.

My 12 year old his dyspraxic and she is socially immature for her age. She does have a couple of friends of her age but I find she is better with younger children. She goes to guides and to drama club and I have found these helpful to her as their are younger children there. Both these activities have helped her socially. She occansianly goes to a church youth club with her older sisters. The youth leaders there are very good Is there any clubs your DS could go to? You may find this will boost his confidence and help him socially.

saker- i love that site too!
Been thinking about this today...as well as being socialy imature...that is with other kids....he will also seek out company of adults in preference to kids....is this unique to AS or others.

wondering if the contact with other kids makes them nervous...whereas the adults listen better?

J will always be with adults only - he says its because they dont treat him bad. Other kids his age are so much more advanced than J and he knows he can't do the same things they can. A simple game of hide and seek is a nightmare for j cus he shouts to evryone where he is hiding - or cus he cant count above 10 he rushes to find everyone before they have hidden!!! The other kids then moan at him for spoiling the game. So J just chooses to be with adults because he can do grown up things.
All our friends think he is so grown up - talks like a little old man - yet when they see him playing with other kids his age they see how much younger he is in his play skills. He is functioning approx three years behind his chronological age.

Thanks for all your replies and help

DS goes to fencing club on mondays to help with his legs and muscles,

swimming lessons on wednesdays,

drama club, with children from his class on saturdays.

So he has a very busy time as it is.

Does anyone have any tips as to how to explain to him to calm down?

What can be done to help him please?

wish i could think of a strategy for you...but i'm sat here dreading collecting my son....as i'm scared stiff that his girlfriend had such a shock at his behaviour that she won't 'love' him anymore!!!

so....once i've collected him....and hoping all is well with him'n'her.....then i will put some ideas to you about things that may work.

Mrs forgetful hope is ok with your DS

When my DS went to school this morning BOY A was walking into the playground

DS called out to him and boy A ignored him and then ran accross the playground as DS can't run there was no hope of him catching up with BOY A.

DS just said "I don't think he heard me"

I nearly burst into tears

Last week BOY A would come up to the car or would wait for DS by the gate,then they would walk into the playground together chattering away.

he ignored him yesterday morning as well but DS didn't notice.

Now I don't know what to do or say when DS comes home today. I am sure it is because of the way DS behaved last FRiday.

Oh I do sympathise, mothering can be heart-wrenching. It's interesting that your ds thought of a way to explain it to himself, and I think I wouldn't say any more to him - friendships do blow hot and cold, and I would let this one just have a natural breather. I bet you anything that next week one or other of them will have something to show the other (do they have interests in common - pokemon or similar?) and Friday's puzzlement (I think you're right in calling it that) will be forgotten.

I have similar worries about my 5-yr-old ds - & had one of those wrenching moments at dropping off time when he was shouting hello at a particular little girl & not realising he was being steadfastly ignored. But then what did I see on bonfire night but same little girl darting out of the dark to kiss him on the ear.