DS has Dyspraxia and seems socially immature are they connected?{very very long, sorry}

[KangaMummy]

DS is 9 years and has dyspraxia, we also think he is socially immature in that when he has a friend from school here for tea his behaviour goes way over the top.

Yesterday, a boy "A" came home with us after school and in the car DS was behaving in a very excitable way and "A" was saying "why are you laughing and acting like that?" It continued for about 1 hour.

In the end he calms down and will play. He just ran round the house saying to "A" "This is the sitting room, say hello to the sitting room, this is the kitchen say hello to the kitchen" He went all round the house with every room.

"A" hasn't been to our house before, but lots of children from his class have and he behaves in the same way with all of them APART from girl "L" who has been here so many times and she is used to his little ways. IYSWIM

What I would like to know is:

How can we help him to stop doing this?

Do any of your DD/DS do the same?

Is it a part of Dyspraxia?

The problem is that if we try to advise him on behaviour he gets angry and says we are just crititiseing{sp} him.

"A" is one of the oldest in the class and DS is one of the youngest, but it happens with whoever comes to play.

The other children seem like they don't know how to react to DS and are a bit confused.

This has been happening for years and we kept hoping it would get better with age.

Any tips or advice would be appriecated.

TIA

I may not be able to reply to messages straight away as I have to do it when DS is not in the room, IYSWIM

thanks jellyhead for your lovely reply

BOY A was the only one in the playground as we were early to school today, hence why we wait in the car for other children to arrive.

The juniors walk accross infant playground and round the back of the classrooms to their own playground. IYSWIM.

Boy A just lives accross the road so comes alone.

I don't get out of the car apart from to give DS a hug then he walks into the playground with whoever arrives first. The other mums leave them at the gate or from their cars whichever is appropriate. IYSWIM

I just don't know what to say to DS if boy A has said something to DS today

You are right girl L is a really good friend

thank you binkie for your kind words

I think we will not mention boy A

I will ask girl L mum if she would like to come over next

I don't know what to do the next time he wants another child over here after school.

Do I try to explain how to behave to DS?

He really does not like having Dyspraxia he sees it as being something that means he can't do something eg ride a bike as well as his friends who some of them ride to school with their mums.

He is a very determined boy and tries really hard to do stuff

Kangamummy, you have my sypathies as does your lovely son - it must be so hard for him!

Forgive me if this has already been mentioned elsewhere, but has he had any occupational therapy to help him cope with the dyspraxia? Our son, was the opposite in that he would just sit next to us and refuse to speak never mind play when visitors came over. He was also very reluctant to stay the night with his much loved aunts and cousins before his diagnosis and subsequent occupational therapy.

The only way we can rationalise his recent (ie post OT behaviour) is that the Ot has helped him be less aware of his limitations and therefore he has more self confidence. In the few weeks, he has stayed the night with his aunt/uncle and cousins three times!!

BTW, our son is five years old.

I do try to give ds pointers as to how to behave, but it's a constant ongoing struggle - I want him to learn to tune into others, but not to get all stilted by only doing things by "rules".

By the way, our problem too is exactly the uncontrollable over-excitement thing. One way I try to manage it is by having playdates in places with built-in escape valves for the excitement - soft play climbing frames are a godsend. He's also nicer when there's lots to focus on - so we have no problems whatsoever when they're all sharing a big bucket of Lego. Maybe planning a structure for playdates could help? - don't know what nine-year-olds do, but eg metal detector hunt in garden?

hello sis! Ds also lovely when joining in mass biscuit decoration event (and eating them).

I don't have any actual experience of dyspraxia so this might not be relevant but would something like Social Stories help to teach ds 'the rules' IYSWIM? It may seem less like advice or criticism to him. Maybe if the girl L were to read through them with him he might be a little more keen?

This is so familiar to me....and i feel both your pain.

Luckily for tom....the girl who came round still wants to be his girlfriend...but have been in your position many times.

last year we gave 12 invites out for Leigh's party- only 3 replied....so i sent out a reminder...1 more replied....but still only 3 turned up.....instead of paying £70 for 10 kids at his party (sportscentre) we paid £70 for a total of 7 kids. I was not pleased as you can imagine.....so this year as his birthday approached i asked him straight...PARTY or £50 + some small presents....he did not want a party- he said no-one would come.

Tom felt the same -at the same age....so i believe this 8/9yr old age/phase is when the 'losing' friends starts....Alex- my youngest is 5 and is at the moment getting at least 1 invite every month....however so did tom up to age 7 and so did leigh till age 7......

Apparently- with Asperger's this loss of friends etc is common at about 6/7...and coupled with a loss in self esteem...due to them being painfully aware that they are different...and noticing they get picked last in the playground...or in that they don't understand the role play games others play...or that they always want to be 'in charge' and kids see them as bossy.

Obviously...with dyspraxia this may not apply...but thinking about Tom (who seems dyspraxic)...in the playground at age 7/8...he would never get the football or be asked to join in...as he was slower,clumsy and uncordinated....and he would bowl people over with his efforts to try so hard to fit in- kids wold avoid him.

so ....on a positive note.... agree the SOCIAL STORIES would be perfect....Contact me if you want help....i can email you one that you can 'tweak' to suit your son.

I am using one at the moment to help my son's stop interupting our conversations.

There is alao a brilliant book published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers (£17.99...i think)
ISBN 1-84310-003-7
SOCIAL AWARENESS SKILLS FOR CHILDREN

Worth EVERY penny!!

Helped me teach leigh how to recieve gifts in a polite manner- even if he hated the gift!
Also how to talk on the phone/table manners/body languagefeelings/anger

and even better a whole chapter on FRIENDS
(making and keeping friends and honesty,when to be dishonest,being tactful and lonliness)

I love this book....it starts with a 'self esteem' work book.....and the whole book is full of tasks to kind of role play...what i do is say for example

"Say your friend has had their hair cut and you don't like it.....Would you A)Say YUCK YOU LOOK AWFUL
B) OOOOOH! You've had your hair cut!
or c)I didn't know you were getting your hair cut? Are you pleased?"

so to make it a bit like a fun quiz- because like your son....my eldest does NOT see have AS as being a gift....and he certainly feels 'restricted' in what/where he can do or go...as he too cannot ride a bike...and at 10 many friends say to him " can't you ride a bike"...and ofcourse he answers with "NO".....

thanks for your kind messages

Yes he does have OT and it has helped his physical being.

CT what are these social stories and where can I get them?

We had a further problem at the end of school which I am going to post about in Health

mrs forgetful

those stories sound really good yes please about sending me one.

I will look out for the book too.

I will CAT you with my email address

thanks so much

great news for your DS and his girlfriend

In that case if you're happy to add your postal address i will photocopy some of the friendship pages that i think are good in this book.

thanks mrs forgetful I think I would like to buy the book anyway

thanks

Sorry, Kangamummy, I didn't explain very well but what I was trying to say is that it may be worth discussing with the OT as our OT gave us some exercises which she thought may help our son cope with stressful situations. I got a bit distracted in trying to explain the difference in our son's emotional well being after OT!

thanks sis will ask next time we see her

our other problem today is