First time with a "friend" telling me it is my parenting

[FlameFromBonfire]

It is bad enough when you think it yourself, but to have another parent (who is meant to be a friend) say it is down to my crap parenting... feel like hell

DH thinks DD is fine, but doesn't see her with other children, know what "normal" 4 yr olds are like.

I sway between it being my parenting, to AS.

HV is your basic chocolate teapot.

I've just done a signpost profile thingy and sooo much makes sense with DD.

I am 95% sure it is AS, even if she is at the very low end of the spectrum.

All of this cropped up today because DD regularly refuses to say hello to my friend or her DD (which upsets her DD understandably), and I am clearly a terrible mother for "letting" her be rude and get away with it.

She just doesn't get that when people say hello to you, you say hello back regardless of the mood you are in at the time.

She must be fine apparently because she has no problem socialising - but what they see as no problem socialising, I see as her just assuming that everyone feels the same way that she does - she wants to play on the slide so she assumes that everyone else does too and announces that is the plan. Other children (thankfully) seem to see it as her being outgoing and like it atm.

I don't know. Maybe it is all down to my parenting, and there is some method I haven't tried (naughty stairs, time out, distraction, pasta, treats, smacking have all failed ), all I know is that I cannot force a 4 yr old to say hello - she sinks into herself and either refuses to look at anyone or sobs her heart out.

There are only so many battles I will fight a day - I tend to opt for tears over hair being tied up (I can't tell if it actually hurts or it is routine now) rather than making her unhappy in the playground.

Maybe if I was a much firmer parent she would be fine.

I wish I could believe that in my heart, because then I would be able to see a way clear of it, a life where she doesn't have to either constantly think about how to act or the alternative life of everyone thinking she is rude.

Maybe as she gets older I can explain to her more that this is how we greet people, but right now, I'm having no luck.

Doubting myself has been bad enough, but to have friend say it too.....

DS got tonsillitis I didn't get to sort it.

I am going to phone in the morning and see if there is an afternoon appointment (DH home on Friday afternoons)

Ignore this obnoxious and ignorant woman. May she never find out what it is like to have a child different from the rest. It has taken me ages to get my autistic son to make eye contact, let alone say "hi" to people. I found other people so hurtful at the start of all this (my son was diagnosed as autistic 2 years ago) but gradually I have a got a little better at ignoring the nasty people, although I do have to admit to a few screaming fits at first including shouting so loudly at an ignorant woman in a swimming pool that the whole pool stopped swimming to watch! This kind of social greeting is exactly the thing kids with asd, or aspergers, or even just a mild communications delay, just don't see the point of. If your child is at school though, it sounds like she must be very mild. Good luck, nothing matters except your child!