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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Starting school in nappies/constant accidents

55 replies

Meowmeow20202 · 14/02/2021 18:41

After reading a thread about similar its got me worried
Ds 5 has asd and isn't potty trained. He wears nappies. When we have tried its was only weeks of peeing and pooing into his clothing. His nursery found this very difficult to cope with so we decided to put him back in nappies. Hes just not ready. My 18 month old is showing signs of being ready that he doesn't have. How bad will it be ? Will the other children laugh at him? Will the teachers wish he wasn't there? :(

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YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 14/02/2021 18:44

My 7 year old with asd is still in nappies. He was in mainstream for 2 years, and they were absolutely fine with changing his nappies. One of the class TAs would change him, supervised by one of the office staff. None of the other children remotely cared. He is now in a special school but nothing to do with the nappies. On the other thread it was a NT child having accidents, a completely different situation

Silenceisgolden20 · 14/02/2021 18:46

My child was in nappies at 5. The school did have a problem with it and it was awful they way they reacted. Not the other kids, the school.
Not saying it will be the same for you so that's prob not very helpful. Every school is different. Make sure you have support from other professionals.

Sh05 · 14/02/2021 18:52

I've no experience in this but think an NT child at 5 whose not trained would be an issue but you have a valid reason and it's not for want of trying is it?
In my dds class there was a little boy who was in nappies, it was normal for the children to see a TA carrying him away for a change, as they'd never seen him being treated any differently

Playnoh · 14/02/2021 18:56

He may get it before September? Fingers crossed. But maybe look into the reasons why he’s not trained. Maybe see a specialist?

MrsBobDylan · 14/02/2021 19:04

My son started school in nappies but went straight to a special school. They got him toilet trained for wees in 3 months although it took another 5 years until he stopped pooing in his pants. He just held on until he came home so it never impacted his school.

I found MS nursery a bit of a nightmare, lots of 'he will need to be toilet trained by school - have you tried potty training yet?" Patronising bollocks.

I found my ASD child was ready when he was ready to be ready, which turned out to be 9 years old. He was dry at night by 10 so pretty proud of him really.

Peakedin1997 · 14/02/2021 19:06

Has your chosen school got a nursery attached? If so they will probably be set up for nappy changing.

nocturnalstar · 14/02/2021 19:06

I'm a SEN teacher in mainstream school and many of our asd 5 year have been in nappies. Staff will change him no problem, other kids will have accidents too. If he's not ready he's not ready and school will support him to train when he is. Don't worry! Also the other children probably won't even notice and will be used to seeing him go off to do different things with staff whether its a nappy change or another activity.

Cam2020 · 14/02/2021 19:09

The school will be aware of your son's SEN, all you can do is speak to them before he starts - hopefully they will put your mind at rest.

MrsBobDylan · 14/02/2021 19:12

In your situation I would be up front and say something like:

"I will support you with whatever you need - nappies, wipes, plastic gloves, changes of clothes. If you want to try taking him regularly to the toilet, that's also fine as long as it doesn't distress him and isn't beyond his capabilities."

Plastic gloves are really cheap in Savers btw. Also, you might like to think about how they do the changes. Send him in wearing pull ups then they can take them off easily while he stands up. If it's a wet change, get him used to wiping himself with a wet wipe. Ideally, try to get him used to doing his poos as soon as he comes home.

DayBath · 14/02/2021 19:13

As PP said it's worth having this chat with the school before he starts to see what they're expectations are, as this can vary between schools. I don't think you need to worry about the other children at that age, they all have accidents sometimes so I don't think they will bully him but this could be an issue as he gets older.

RoomOfRequirement · 14/02/2021 19:17

Honestly? Its probably not going to be easy for you or him. The school cannot refuse him, but the reaction of teachers/TAs is a HUGE spectrum. They shouldn't be rude at all but will probably not want to add another thing to their to do list. And kids can be cruel.

None of this is right, but is possible. Prepare yourself, and be ready to stand up for him.

Happycat1212 · 14/02/2021 19:20

My daughter has autism and had a few accidents when she first started school, she doesn’t wear nappies and was fully toilet trained but the issue was she has phobias of toilets and would only use a certain one at school so she didn’t always get there on time. Luckily the teachers and children were fine. She still is funny about toilets now and won’t use public ones at all. But doesn’t have accidents anymore

ConsuelaHammock · 14/02/2021 19:21

My nephew( also asd) started school wearing nappies; he attends a specialist school. The school should be fine . As he gets older in mainstream school the other children may not be as accepting unfortunately.

Craiglang · 14/02/2021 19:29

I work in SEN (at a special school, not MS). Plenty of our pupils are in nappies, it's not a huge deal. I don't imagine it being a problem at a MS school either, especially with a diagnosis of ASD. If you have concerns, please contact the school. Your DC won't be the first child they've met who starts school in nappies, they will have a procedure in place and should be able to reassure you.

I think the difference between the other thread and your DC is attitude. Your DC in nappies/slips, not just pooing in pants every day without you looking for a reason or getting professional help. Those situations must be distressing for the NT child and whoever is caring for them, and, dare I say it, laziness on the parents part for not doing anything to help her.

Original poster

Meowmeow20202 · 14/02/2021 19:39

@Playnoh

He may get it before September? Fingers crossed. But maybe look into the reasons why he’s not trained. Maybe see a specialist?

Scotland so August but thats my hope ds 18m is showing signs of being ready already so i hope that might help things with ds5

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Original poster

Meowmeow20202 · 14/02/2021 19:42

My ds already goes to the nursery attached to the school. Ive shared my worries with the school who have been nothing but nice.
Hes 5 should've been potty trained ages ago. The amount of specialised help we have been given is massive including checking for medical reasons but it doesn't help.

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Mumofsend · 14/02/2021 19:43

My DS is 4.5 and isn't potty trained nor is he likely to be before September. It is written into his EHCP. School will have to manage it (they are receiving significant funding for him) and I will be expecting them to tackle any unkindness that may occur.

itsgettingwierd · 14/02/2021 19:45

My ds has asd and loves routine.

There is a watch you can buy that reminds them to go to the toilet. Or a watch with alarm.

If you started now in pull ups and going regularly to 'try' even if he doesn't get the feeling yet or is dry he'll get the idea of going regularly which may help when he starts school?

But don't worry. My son squired some skills early and others it seemed he never get.

Then the next day he'd have it like he'd been born with it!

Nix32 · 14/02/2021 19:46

If he's 5, shouldn't he be in Reception already?

itsgettingwierd · 14/02/2021 19:46

www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/potty-training/gear/potty-watches-for-toddlers/

www.eric.org.uk/pages/shop/department/vibrating-watches?dept=vibrating-watches

A few links to read and see if you think this is something that would help?

Original poster

Meowmeow20202 · 14/02/2021 19:47

@Nix32

If he's 5, shouldn't he be in Reception already?

He was kept back a year. So yeah he should've started last year.

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Original poster

Meowmeow20202 · 14/02/2021 19:49

@itsgettingwierd

https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/potty-training/gear/potty-watches-for-toddlers/

www.eric.org.uk/pages/shop/department/vibrating-watches?dept=vibrating-watches

A few links to read and see if you think this is something that would help?

Thanks we have already tried rhe watch. We spent months taking him to the toilet every 30 mins .

OP posts:

Nix32 · 14/02/2021 19:51

Are you in England? Being kept back a year (as opposed to you deferring him starting school because he is a summer born) is very unusual and I would expect him to have an EHCP. His toileting needs would be covered in that.

Queenfreak · 14/02/2021 19:53

My dd is starting in September. She is NT and very unpredictable with toileting. She can have a couple of weeks with no accidents at all- and then a few weeks of wet knickers 10+ times a day.
She has been referred to a paediatrician but I've been told the wait is long, so there is every possibility she will need nappies in school. I'm absolutely dreading approaching the school when we find out where she is going

Oblomov21 · 14/02/2021 19:53

Have you got everything legally in place. EHCP etc? What has the Senco said?

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