AAAAAaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhh

[Jimjams]

Just got the report for ds1's statement review on Friday from the school and have 2 words to say F* Off!!!!!

There I feel better now I HATE all this shit. Especially all the political shit.

I suspect a lot of this is lack of confidence- and maybe they feel out of control..... A behaviour plan is an excellent idea and I will contact you later Christie -thank you. It's exactly the sort of thing I would like to see in place. I do apreciate that it must be difficult when so many different- completely untrained- people have to work with him.

There isn't a home-school link book as such this year (although I did request one). After half term I will be sending in a form Davros gave me (parent fills in one half- school the other) until they produce their own. I have also requested that a tickchart is filled in each day which should pick up these incidences.

I guess its a steep learning curve for them, but I do think home-school barriers have to be broken down if it has any chance of working (right now I don't have a very high opinion of inclusion tbh- I think there are too many things missing for it to work). In our concerns I want to try and emphasise the importance on consistency between settings (something the SALT has already put in her report). Maybe when they start to visit the special school they will see how it is done there and begin to appreciate how important it is with children as complex as ds1. HOme school communication in the special school has been praised as excellent in its latest ofsted.

Surely they should realise that something must have been triggering the kicking etc? If they don't tell you about it then how on earth are you supposed to be able to advise them on the best course of action???

I don't think the showing off the war wounds was at all appropriate. What exactly were they trying to achieve with that performance? The whole situation just seems downright bizarre. There you are thinking that everything is okay when they suddenly spring this lot on you! Communication has seriously broken down somewhere.

I know that my ds1's teacher doesn't mention every single incident but IMHO when something goes wrong she deals with it in the right way and then that's the end of the matter. If something is seen as an ongoing problem then it is discussed so that we can all come to some sort of possible solution between us.

I'm just lost for words with your current situation.

I really think the war wound stuff was just defensiveness. I found out today that when our SALT arrived she requested an opportunity to read through the report in advance as she was aware that we had some concerns. Apparently the senco was the quite worried. I think it also came as a surprise to them that I hadn't known about the kicking and headbutting. That was clearly a mistake on their part- and when I then started pulling out forms for them to improve communication I guess it must have been a bit awkward (I did try to soften that by giving them to the autism outreach worker as well in a kind of "hey look what I found- isn't this fantastic - thought you might like a copy as well"- type way).

Also I've been quite blase about the pinching in school because I hadn't realised the extent of it. When he was pinching at nursery I was being told every day- so I assumed that as it wasn't mentioned it wasn't happening. I thought it was under control- I had no idea that people were going home scratched every day. They must have thought that I wasn't concerned that people are going home scratched every day, rather than I didn't know iyswim (I still think they don't realise that I didn't know the extent of it).

I think a lot of it is that they want to be "in charge" and in control of the situation. I guess they're used to normal kids and just telling the parents that little Johnny has done x, y and z. It is a different sort of situation. On the one hand I think they're trying quite hard and are quite enthusiastic,- maybe they think I expect them to know everything (I don't- everyone with a lot of experience goes on about how complex ds1 is- and asks me for advice). I suspect that they need autism outreach to go in and take charge really. Not sure that's going to happen. The SALTS may try to between them though.

They are listening in other areas though. For example they were saying that he doesn't always sit down when told. I said that I would exect him to be over 90% compliant with that request- and if he wasn't then that really needed to be in the IEP, as without compliance there you can't do anything. It is now in the IEP.

I'm beginning to realise why I must have got up their noses TBH I just wish that we could sit down as equal partners and discuss all this. I certainly don't claim to have all the answers to ds1- I ask everyone and anyone for advice. I'm happy to take on board any suggestions or requests (for example the other week they asked me to stop him looking under doors as it was becoming obsessive at school- which I did).

I agree with maddiemo that your letter plan sounds just fine, jimjams. I do think the effort to make sure everything has as positive a spin as humanly possible will be worthwhile in terms of not inflaming the situation, for all the reasons you have mentioned though. They're really lucky that you have such a good handle on the situation from their point of view, I think. Home-school relationships can get so fraught when such emotive and important stuff is on the agenda. Mind you, I have seen mainstream schools improve their understanding of kids with complex needs immeasurably over time and that's why keeping up the good relationships can be so important even when you feel that the school are being unprofessional/unfair- and I agree with CT that the war wound show was just that. One school (to which I was tempted never, ever, ever to return after the first meeting I attended with the parents of a child with multiple and complex needs) was unrecognisable after a couple of years. Same (lovely) child, same (snotty) SENCo, but different attitude- because they'd taken on board some of the stuff that we disgusted ones and the parents, who were most disgusted of all, were saying and set up the right support. Unfortunately, I think you're absolutely right that the reality is that most mainstream schools are still having to training themselves up as they go along when they're working with children who have more complex needs. Systemically the support still isn't there automatically and they have to build it up from scratch for each child.

Does A's statement specify how often autism outreach should visit? I think it might be worth getting that clarified if you're going to write, especially if it might take a few weeks to set up the special school visits, which I think and hope may help in the same sort of way.

Thanks scummy. The school have requested an autism outreach meeting once every half term (an autism outreach TA comes in once a week still). I don't think it will be in the statement but I have to say the senco (who despite the shhshing the LSA- I still like)) is very good at pushing for that sort of support. It's just the home-school links that seem to be very creaky.

It is a steep learning curve- I do think that relations would be easier if they were more confident. They're very good in areas where they are confident- it's just in the other areas they get too defensive/protective.

Must try and start writing something- but boy am I shattered.

TBH whilst I agree that the showing of war wounds was inappropriate- and that came close to leaving me in tears at the time- luckily the SALTS intervention stopped that- at least I now KNOW that the pinching is nowhere near under control in there, and at least I know the full extent of the behavioural problems going on (unless they have something else up their sleeves other than scratches!)

JimJams ... I think you are dealing with this all so well .... I met up with Toddlerbob at the weekend and we talked about how fab you are ...
More support vibes coming to you from NZ {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}} and lots of hugs to DS1 ... {{{}}}

PS ... don't worry at all about returning my emails .... I completely understand ...