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Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

999 replies

openupmyeagereyes · 29/06/2020 11:18

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

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5
danni0509 · 10/12/2020 17:22

I do think aswell open which I told the ep that many families (my self for sure) just do whatever needed to get by, I try not think about the future too much as it’s not helpful. Ds has me on my knees often so I don’t have the energy to look to the future x

livpotter · 10/12/2020 17:49

Sorry everyone is having a bit of a rubbish time at the moment. It's always hard in the run up to Christmas and they're all knackered this close to end of term.

The running is exactly why we started using the SEN buggy. It was such a nightmare constantly rugby tackling ds in the school playground. Thankfully that phase seems to be on hiatus at the moment.

It's such a delicate balance with behaviour danni. Like you say a lot of time you're too tired to enforce things.
Have you ever looked up Yvonne Newbold. She is amazing, it's mainly a Facebook group but I think you can access quite a lot through googling her. It's totally changed my mindset on parenting ds and the guilt I get about not being 'strict' enough.

Open I also discovered Janet Landsbury recently, she seems like she has lots of good stuff to say.

We've luckily had a run of fairly good behaviour recently. I had ds's annual review via zoom yesterday (let's see how long it take a the LA to get it back to me this time Hmm). It was good and the school seem really pleased with ds, which is a nice change!

I'm hoping we can have a fairly relaxing Christmas break, we're not going to see any family this year, which in a way will be easier for ds but a bit sad. There will be lots of video calls though!

danni0509 · 11/12/2020 11:33

Got another mainstream school ringing me Monday after they’ve had a meeting about ds, just spoke to the senco of this new school this morning and she’s meeting with the two heads on Monday to discuss if they can accept ds, I told her about absolutely everything with his current school and she was shocked as when I named the school she said really??? Yes really! Funny isn’t it everyone things ds school are so perfect.

She couldn’t believe what I said about the dinner lady scenario and she said it was really inappropriate and when I said about all the part time illegal timetables she said it’s not fair, she asked me if he was verbal (she even said it didn’t matter if he wasn’t) I said oh yes he’s very verbal and she said can he write his name or read any cvc words I said he can do all of that and she seemed pleasantly suprised.

She said she will discuss ds at length Monday and see if there is anything they could do to help us and she said maybe a change in approach would help him until he could move to the specialist school.

She asked what band he was on so I told her and she said that’s a good package (which his current school are basically robbing)

So fingers crossed (although I’ve learnt not to hold my breath) x

danni0509 · 11/12/2020 11:56

Liv I’ve heard of Yvonne newbold, but don’t know too much so I’ll have a look into that more thoroughly x

danni0509 · 11/12/2020 11:57

Thanks by the way x

Mumofsend · 11/12/2020 12:24

Yvonne is brilliant.

I get the whole "really?" Thing too. DD's school are great with SEN and have a great reputation with it but thats because they get rid of the noisy/disruptive SEN. They only deal with quiet SEN

openupmyeagereyes · 11/12/2020 15:32

danni here’s hoping you can get him into a different school while waiting for SS 🤞

liv hooray for a positive review and good behaviour. We’ll be having a quiet Christmas too but it’s only one year hopefully.

Ds didn’t pass the phonics screening so that’s a shame. Hopefully I’ll get a bit more feedback from the teacher. In any event, his reading is coming on and we will try and do more phonics work over the year.

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Mumofsend · 11/12/2020 18:53

Do you ever find its the really random little things that bother you?

Dd has a major issue with school non-uniform days. Home is home clothes and school is school clothes. She flat out refused to join in Christmas jumper day, I tried and her 1-1 did. Made me really sad seeing all the amazingly festive dressed kids at pick up and her just in her uniform.

Such a silly thing but its really bothered me :(

danni0509 · 11/12/2020 18:57

Never mind open, although i do understand what you mean, your ds has made some great progress with his reading Star

danni0509 · 11/12/2020 18:59

Mumofsend ds doesn’t give a shit what I put him in, he’s not aware, so I could put him in a bin bag and he probably wouldn’t even notice. So we don’t have that particular issue ourselves, but I do understand what you mean about the little things that bother you, they get to me too. x

LottieBalloo · 11/12/2020 19:06

Ah well @openupmyeagereyes, hope you're ok about it, he'll get there. And phonics is only one way to learn how to read after all. DS has such a spiky profile, loves maths and is currently chatting with DH about the periodic table, but still can barely write his name. We also struggle with different days @Mumofsend but more so that DS then expects every day to be like that, so today was upset he couldn't wear xmas jumper like yesterday...i buy him lovely books and all he wants to read lately is road maps!
We saw his nativity video today and him and another boy really stood out as different and I just felt so much for him as he finds do many things difficult that most kids take for granted as being easy. I know you guys get it. I'm so proud of DS as he has to work so much harder in all these daily things, bless him.

openupmyeagereyes · 11/12/2020 19:30

Lottie I’m ok with it, we knew it was possible. He is learning to read with phonics, he’s just not secure with some of the phase 3 & 5 sounds. Also, I don’t think he always spots these groups of letters in the words. But he’s getting there and reading every night without issue which is wonderful.

It’s really common for dc to not like dressing differently for school or not to enjoy days that are a bit different like world book day. Flowers for everyone, it’s particularly difficult at Christmas because it’s generally accepted that kids love all this stuff.

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danni0509 · 11/12/2020 19:36

Ds school could send Christmas cards from the 20th November and the closing date was yesterday, bless him, he has only received 1 card, one single Christmas card. (Out of 90 children as they send between the 3 classes)

The card is from the same girl who has sent him one 3 years running. She always puts her first and last name so know it’s the same girl.

I want to get ds to write her an xmas card and just put a little note in to her mum to say thank you for xxxxx card, the only one he ever receives is from xxxxx (and put her £5 in and tell her mum to buy her a treat for being kind enough to remember him)

My husband thinks it’s weird 😂Probably is! But she is literally the only child to bother to remember him so wanted to say thanks,

do you think it’s weird? x

danni0509 · 11/12/2020 19:37

I can’t say thank you in person as I don’t know who this girl or her parents are. I don’t know any of the parents to talk to x

openupmyeagereyes · 11/12/2020 19:42

danni I don’t think it’s weird. The year 6 boy that ds adored in his reception year was so kind to him that I bought him a small Christmas present (chocs) and again when he left for secondary. It’s lovely that she sends him one.

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danni0509 · 11/12/2020 20:32

Open i meant to ask you, you mentioned before you had a kindle type device for your books, I’m just looking at kindle paperweight or it’s called something like that it’s £120, is that any good? And can I buy any book via Amazon for it?

I’m old fashioned and buy paperback books but under my bed is full now and I loathe giving them away as they always come handy later on, but I have no space to add anymore, so I’m thinking it will make sense to put future books on a book reader and have them all in one place, I mainly buy autism / SN / parenting type books rather than any other type of read.

danni0509 · 11/12/2020 20:37

I think I meant a paperwhite Grin

openupmyeagereyes · 11/12/2020 20:42

danni I have an old Kindle but I mostly use the Kindle app on my phone. Dh has a paperwhite which is a few years old and he likes it.

I buy a mix of real books and on my kindle. Some I have both Blush

You can’t get any book but many do have a Kindle version which is usually cheaper. Annoyingly you can’t buy via the Amazon app, only from a web browser. Most books you can download a sample which is usually the beginning. The fact that you download the book instantly is great and you can highlight which is really handy for parenting/autism books though I think this is easier on the App maybe. They are not great IMO for books with embedded illustrations or lots of text boxes.

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Onceuponatimethen · 11/12/2020 20:44

@danni0509 I think your note would be lovely - what a nice little girl and mum

dimples76 · 11/12/2020 23:04

Lottie I have just been watching DS's Christingle and it made me so sad. He stood out more than ever but what really upset me was how anxious he looked. I just wanted to dive in and rescue him

Onceuponatimethen · 11/12/2020 23:34

My dd nibbled her jumper sleeve throughout her Xmas show and jiggled around. But when I picked her up she was really proud of herself and said it was her best behaved show ever. She really stood out but I tried not to care and at least it wasn’t last year when other kids got moved for her windmilling her arms so she ended up stood completely alone.

danni0509 · 14/12/2020 14:46

The head teacher from that other mainstream school just rang me and said she couldn’t take ds. She said she wouldn’t be able to meet his needs (standard answer for we can’t be arsed to try and don’t want the hassle) she said she had 3 children in what would be his year with additional needs and ds ehcp band tells her he is complex so she wouldn’t be able to accept him on the basis that she doesn’t have the trained staff, so I said ok. (Can’t force her - no issues with that! She had a stinking attitude from the outset, so wouldn’t want to send him there anyway)

But what really pissed me off and I’ve just totally shamed her for it, wasn’t anything to do with her saying no, it was because she said she agreed with ds school about the part time hours and sometimes schools can only offer a couple of hours a day at best and that it was better than nothing. She said she had a pupil in her school at the moment on a similar timetable, she said it’s really difficult for the school to deal with these pupils and they try their best. I told her ds had been part time more or less for the last 27 months, she said ds headteacher would have his best interests at heart 😂 you joking me! I said no that’s not the reason at all.

I let RIP and said its illegal how are you not aware of that? So she said no it’s not illegal, so I said YES it is.

It’s an illegal exclusion, informal exclusion, disability discrimination, whichever way you want to look at it, so there was an awkward silence on her behalf so I told her to look it up on the DFE or contact sendiass for advice or id be more than happy to let sendiass know when I next speak to them and she can forward them the legislation. I said it’s easily accessible on the internet and I suggested she read it ASAP.

I said do you send other pupils home after 2 or 3 hours every day? She didn’t answer me, so I said I assume you don’t, so I said so why is ok for you to do that to a disabled child every single day?

I said my own ds is years behind his peers educationally so how is it helpful for him to have received half of the education he is entitled too! Talk about counter productive.

These kids deserve better.

danni0509 · 14/12/2020 14:55

I bet she’s glad she said no to ds now!! as I would definitely be that parent, and why shouldn’t I be? I’m not doing anything wrong. They are in the wrong.

Somebody needs to hold them to account!

That’s nothing anyway, I have a meeting at ds actual school the first week back.... Grin god help them.

danni0509 · 14/12/2020 14:57

By the way, I wasn’t an arsehole at all until she said that. Then I was very much an arsehole!

danni0509 · 14/12/2020 15:10

She was rude to me when I said an ongoing part time timetable was an illegal exclusion.

She said NO it’s not an illegal exclusion in such a stuck up voice! so that’s when I became arseholey.

Yes it is, that’s exactly what it is and nothing you say or do will change that.

Im going to go online get her email address which is on her schools website I’ve already seen it and because I’m such an arsehole 😆 I’m going to send her all the links to point out that it is very much illegal

Purely for my own satisfaction.