Oh no, here we go again. Please help Aloha with her school-related gloom.

[aloha]

New term, new start, I think, despite feeling v anxious after disastrous end to last term (ds, 5, Aspergers is out of the class more than in, constantly in head's office etc etc). Also gloomy because got turned down for assessment for statement.

Anyway, school has provided 1-1 help for ds and teacher seems friendly and smiley.

We are now two days in (ok, 2.5days) and we are taking ds home for lunch as lunchtimes were a flashpoint last term and we were told the school couldn't cope with him.
Today I take him back just before 1pm, children still in playground. Good news: His best friend rushes up and they have a tussly boyish cuddle and then hold hands for a bit. A couple of other children also run up to say hello. HOWEVER, bad news, at least four children, surrounded by others, run up to me to tell me, all excited and gleeful, 'Ooh are you ds's mum? He's on a warning!' and 'Ds is on the red traffic light already!'
FFS some of these kids aren't even in his class!
We have a home/school book which is generally positive, though full of incidents of ds calling out at carpet time and being unable to resist the laptop/whiteboard combo (which I warned them about last term), and stuff.
Also, he's been taken out of the classroom more than once every day so far (!) and also yesterday we were asked to collect him early as he was running out of the classroom, refusing to go back in and saying he was tired. I had to get him from the school office where he'd been from about 2.30 and he only went back at 1pm.
The head called me at home to collect him, though kept saying 'you don't have to, but he is very tired' etc which made me feel as if I had no choice unless I was going to look like bitch-mummy from hell.
I just don't know what to do. Apparently the ed psych is coming to see him in two weeks, I've got an appointment with his paed and teh local LEA autism support woman is coming in (though she is utterly and totally useless).
What on earth can I do?

Aloha, just v quick message as snowed at work.

Other parents' experience with the Learning Trust in Hackney has been that they will automatically refuse to assess in the first instance unless you actually have e.g. a non-verbal child.

But if you appeal and get all your ducks in a row, they will back down at the 11th hour and agree to assess.

I suspect highly likely to be same in your area.

So get your big guns out and appeal.

And look for another school because a school that shows this level of unwillingness for a lovely little boy like your DS is quite simply not up to the job.

Aloha- I think you need to change schools, sorry but I don't think they're interested in getting it. They're not being pro-active, they're not trying any strategies and they're saying he's 'tired' (pathetic-do they send home every 'tired' child?)

You are banging your head against a brick wall. Even with a statement (& I know that's another battle) they're not going to p[rovide what is needed (i.e. understanding).

Oh Aloha - yes, it is heartbreaking, and i have no advice in addition to what more experienced people have said, but you do have all my sympathy.

I know Aloha's little boy. He is lovely. He is cuddly, communicative, interested, good natured, funny, engaging and sweet through and through.

I think you said before that someone from the Autism Society (?) had commented that his IEP was totally inappropriate. If you can hand on (with your knuckles white and your teeth gritted) until the Ed Psych assessment, it may be that you can push for something appropriate, and effective can be devised....and then enforced because it comes with the weight of the assessment? Though I'm not sure of the links between and Ed Psych, the school etc etc.

Big huge hugs - to all of you.

I do agree that however appropriate and effective something is, it will not work in the hands of the unwilling or begrudging.....

Sorry you're having a tough time Aloha. I'm looking after a couple of boys with Asperger's at the secondary school atm, they are doing well in mainstream school and we are working on their social skills.

Hope things get better for you soon. x

Oh Aloha - I know exactly how you feel.

My DS has just started back in year 1. The reception year was pretty much a disaster, until the Access & Inclusion Specialist Teaching Service became involved. It was their teachers and TA's who re-integrated DS back into school last term, and I am certain that he would not be in school at all but for their help.

I strongly recommend that you ask to meet with their area co-ordinator to discuss how they can help your DS. They should be able to put in place behavioural strategies - and more importantly teach the school how to deal with him. We had a handover period where the school staff "ghosted" the learning team, which was invalulable IMO.

Keep your chin up.

HUGELY agree about the SMART targets

take ds1': only taget: enhance life skills

not reviewed for a year because they are 'doing it'

LEA demanded review- school refused

I'm only saying tjhis because DS1 is now NOT in that school! He has spent the alst 4 days enjoying school- even came home with a book (James and the giant peach amusingly) that he said :'wow Mum you're right its so much better when you read them yourself!'. I know it won't always be so simple, but they are so much mroe on the ball (SENCO had heard of AS! Wow! And they haev a SN resource room). Dont get me wrong- there are issues (LSA prefers to work with the non- english speaking kids as they need help but aren't dismissive- er thats on HIS statement time) but I do think he ahs a chance of getting somewhere this time. I hope.

Anyway what i am clumsily saying is it CAN get btter aloha, but its a bloody ahrd fight. Which is cruel and unfair. but is the truth.

sorry it hasn't improved, aloha. The trouble is that even to start to make it work they have to want to make it work,- and frankly they don't or things would n't still be like this Somewhere out there there is a school who would be delighted to have him attend and nurture his talents.

Aloha I agree that it sounds as though thay are just not interested in trying out different strategies. Is there an Autism Outreach team in your area who could go in on your behalf?

I think that from now on if they insist that you take ds home, you should only agree if they put in writing why he is effectively being excluded. I agree with whoever it was (TellUsMater?) who said that you need to get everything documented. They will find it hard to insist that ds is fine when you have written evidence that they are unable to cope. Also keep a diary (if you haven't already) of everything that has been happening so far.

how is he aloha?

Well, ds seems very happy, bless him. Apparently he's 'just' had two official warnings and is on the traffic light system but it's not up to red yet.
I have asked for a meeting to get an IEP sorted, to meet the ed psych and have got the head teacher's name of alternative school and will be writing to her.
Also contacted nice woman at NAS education support whom I spoke to last term about ds. I have told his teacher we will NOT come to collect him out of hours again unless his leg is falling off, and as of next week, he will be having school dinners.
Let's see how that pans out!
OMG.

Some great advice here aloha.

I agree with not collecting him early. I know that means that it's hard for ds but it's making life easy for them. It's informal exclusion and it's not on ( or legal). If he truly has a one to one then they should be able to manage him.

It seems to me that school, as someone has already said, aren't really committed to making this work. If they were they would be pushing hard for a statement assessment and the LEA would struggle to refuse.

Keep a diary of all these incidents and phone calls, however 'trivial'.

And fingers crossed that his leg does not fall off

I have to agree with others that have said move your ds. It seems that no matter what they are not going to take on board that he has AS. I had this when dd went to ds's school for 6 months = nightmare. She is now in a unit and although has had a bit of a rollerocaster in the early years (all extremely supported) she is now flourishing.
Good luck. I know what an awful time it is as have been there myself

Sorry you are having such a hard time again, aloha. It really sounds as though your DS's school have no idea how to deal with your DS's special needs, and it's appalling that they keep calling you in to collect him.

have you looked around at other schools?

I am very very happy to hear that your Ds seems v happy, at least. His misery really would be unbearable.

Yes, he's in the sitting room with his sister and grandma watching Night Garden - very happy.
Ds and dd miss each other a lot when ds is at school. At lunch and hometime they run and embrace like something out of Love Story. It's very, very sweet.

Awww, that's lovely.

Hello aloha, coming rather late to this, and I can't really help either, but I just wanted to say how sad it makes me to read how difficult things are. I hope you can find a solution soon.
A friend of mine has a ds with Asperger's, it was a long and hard struggle to get a statement for him, but now he has one and things are much easier.

Wishing you all the best

The way I see it Aloha the school are giving your ds second class treatment and he deserves so much more. I would try and find a school that give your ds a decent education as well as addressing all of his needs attached to his AS.
One big example is when my dd was 3 and at ds's school. When she shuted out in assembly the teacher put her hand over dd's mouth Wheras the unit integrated her slowly and now nearly 4 yrs on she can sit perfectly still and join in assembly etc. In her statementing review they were all laughing at how they don't hear a peep out of dd. They just know and understand her and that is a lovely feeling.

Hi Blossomhill, my ds can sit still and quiet at the theatre for an hour, so what is going wrong at Assembly (apart from teh fact that it is almost certainly deathly dull!)?
I know he can do it.

Assembleys can be quite an overload for AS children, going into a tightly packed hall, lots of faces etc. My ds's junior school led him into assembly first, so he could sit himself down and then they let all the other children filter in BEHIND him. He seemed to cope much better that way.

Aloha - this all sounds so desperately sad for your poor DS

I have a picture in my head of a small boy, of positive outlook, being leant on like a ton of bricks by his teacher, regularly sent to the Head, enduring but possibly not understanding fully, endless telling offs and existing in an atmosphere of constant tension during his school hours. It is heartbreaking to contemplate the way in which a cheerful, happy child is being discriminated against, just for being who he is!

From everything you have ever posted here about him, I imagine that he should be flying through his school life, pushing the boundaries of his endless curiousity and love of learning. Instead he has got this existence with people who seem joyless and don't see the potential that he has if harnessed in a positive light. The poor child!

I'm afraid to say I am totally in Gess's camp - this school is as far from the right school for your DS as a googleplex is from zero! You need to find something better for him with people who can revel in this curious child full of the love of learning

The thing that makes me want to spit is that I remember nearly 20 years ago now having a friend and colleague with a son with Asperger's, very bad behavioural problems because he was very big for his age and very violent, and I got my dad (then a headteacher) to come in and talk to the colleague because they just kept getting refused a statement. Nice to see things have moved on, eh . He was also being sent home all the time (the son, not the colleague, of course).

I think you do just keep having to push for a statement although I agree that it sounds as though a new school might be even better. I also wanted to mention that although it's a completely different situation, my ds's friend has Crohn's, and hated high school when they started. He said every day that he was sick and they rang his mother to come and get him (because they knew he had a debilitating condition). She eventually just said to the school "look, I will lose my job if I do this any more, unless he's really clearly ill you just have to deal with it". So they did, and he got better. I know that's different because her ds was trying in on, not the school, but I do think it's worth standing up to them. It's such a lazy option for the, ringing you.

Lastly, much sympathy.
xx

How did it go to day Aloha?