Oh no, here we go again. Please help Aloha with her school-related gloom.

[aloha]

New term, new start, I think, despite feeling v anxious after disastrous end to last term (ds, 5, Aspergers is out of the class more than in, constantly in head's office etc etc). Also gloomy because got turned down for assessment for statement.

Anyway, school has provided 1-1 help for ds and teacher seems friendly and smiley.

We are now two days in (ok, 2.5days) and we are taking ds home for lunch as lunchtimes were a flashpoint last term and we were told the school couldn't cope with him.
Today I take him back just before 1pm, children still in playground. Good news: His best friend rushes up and they have a tussly boyish cuddle and then hold hands for a bit. A couple of other children also run up to say hello. HOWEVER, bad news, at least four children, surrounded by others, run up to me to tell me, all excited and gleeful, 'Ooh are you ds's mum? He's on a warning!' and 'Ds is on the red traffic light already!'
FFS some of these kids aren't even in his class!
We have a home/school book which is generally positive, though full of incidents of ds calling out at carpet time and being unable to resist the laptop/whiteboard combo (which I warned them about last term), and stuff.
Also, he's been taken out of the classroom more than once every day so far (!) and also yesterday we were asked to collect him early as he was running out of the classroom, refusing to go back in and saying he was tired. I had to get him from the school office where he'd been from about 2.30 and he only went back at 1pm.
The head called me at home to collect him, though kept saying 'you don't have to, but he is very tired' etc which made me feel as if I had no choice unless I was going to look like bitch-mummy from hell.
I just don't know what to do. Apparently the ed psych is coming to see him in two weeks, I've got an appointment with his paed and teh local LEA autism support woman is coming in (though she is utterly and totally useless).
What on earth can I do?

I read this about schools and I am gobsmacked. I come at this from a school POV.

And TBH we have had to tell a few parents that it is highly unlikely that their child will get a statement. But we have never actively worked against them and we have far more often worked very hard with them.

The school are treating him like a typical child and that is very wrong.

The school are treating him like a typical child and that is very wrong.

Aloha
empathy, sympathy ....all the athy's coming from me to you !
I think it must be so hard that you need the respite, he needs to be in school and yet you are not comfortable that they are helping him and that he is happy . Catch 22 want him to be there but you don't want him to be there.
Please please reapply for assessment and detail all theses incidents where they are not helping. they are engaging with him only in terms of his compliance and yet are doing diddly squat in terms of strategy so that he is able to comply !!!! por little bugger.
have you considered getting a private ed psych report. We did this with a brilliant guy years ago when my lovely fella was statemented. He is based in London ( or was) but came to us in Kent and then Surrey. It cost of course but we knew he would be worth it and his report was pretty hard to argue with.
Just a thought, may be irrelevent but mostly just wanted to send you both my thoughts and best wishes

Sadly though some schoold so work against it (our school told us- as the first statementing aprents they'd ahd- that they ahd ap[plied and refused. Indeed they ahdnt even put ds1- dx AS, learning difficulties, SPD) on the SEN register!
Since we sorted the statement they've been much better, helped a lot with ds3's statement and I know have sorted a few others as well.

Aloha whatever you do- , tis crap.

Aww Aloha ...just wanting to give you a back pat or something.
That feeling ..when other kids run up with glee and tell you negative things about your boy ..ooh that's hard..been there lots of times
We usually get the 'ds is letting our class down'
We are 3 days in
I'm waiting for the new teacher to come out
(they always do). Sometimes it's after 2 days..sometimes it's after 3 weeks...but they always do
Nothing gets passed on ..things that work or don't work...nothing..i have to begin from scratch each year

I agree about the discrimination angle, good point. Cappuccino had a related incident about her daughter's wheelchair, I think...

sometimes just simple measures can help a child with SN. one child at dd1's school has special permission to attend lunchclub (indoors activities during cold but not rainy weather) every day instead of just the odd day because she has (I think) sickle cell, and resting and pacing herself helps her to get through a normal school day.

Oh hell Aloha, how awful for you all!

Agree with those who say that your ds needs to be fast tracked past the SA+ level onto a full statement asap. The more help and structure that goes into place, the happier he will be and the faster he will be able to make progress.

The school needs to put into place an interim, informal IEP now that outl;ines useful stratgies that will help your ds settle. These can be changed in the light of the Ed Psychs report. At the very least they need to agree some stragies with you for ideas to help to manage behaviour. That has to be in everyone's interests

Gawd.I was assuming he had an IEP. He must have, surely?

Although it sounds like he needs a new one.

(sorry aloha, wasn't trying to trivialise ds's needs - obviously his are v different - but just despairing at the school's complete lack of support, x)

Oh, you are all LOVELY people.
Lots of wisdom here, I will sit and read and digest and share with dh, and we will come up with plan of action (I need dh because I get so emotional and angry and it does work against me, I fear).
He CLEARLY needs a statement. How can he learn if he's not in class? We both work from home and I can't concentrate (hence mad Mnetting since school started!) and am constantly on edge.
the kids telling me about his being on 'a warning' and a 'red traffic light' when I had no idea that these even existed, let alone that ds was on them, absolutely breaks my heart, it really does.
I get so tired of it sometimes, I really do.
Little dd just skips through life in comparison.
I don't think there is ANY behavioural management plan in action whatsoever tbh. Who knows - I don't get told anything!
I agree we must stop taking him out. I've told him he is having school dinners next week. I just don't want to make him unhappy, but yes, I agree, and have said to school and to dh (who gets very protective) that taking him home is basically rewarding him for not cooperating at school.
He does get tired, but as TC says, why not sit with him and read him stories or something. He's always up for that.

Oh, you are all LOVELY people.
Lots of wisdom here, I will sit and read and digest and share with dh, and we will come up with plan of action (I need dh because I get so emotional and angry and it does work against me, I fear).
He CLEARLY needs a statement. How can he learn if he's not in class? We both work from home and I can't concentrate (hence mad Mnetting since school started!) and am constantly on edge.
the kids telling me about his being on 'a warning' and a 'red traffic light' when I had no idea that these even existed, let alone that ds was on them, absolutely breaks my heart, it really does.
I get so tired of it sometimes, I really do.
Little dd just skips through life in comparison.
I don't think there is ANY behavioural management plan in action whatsoever tbh. Who knows - I don't get told anything!
I agree we must stop taking him out. I've told him he is having school dinners next week. I just don't want to make him unhappy, but yes, I agree, and have said to school and to dh (who gets very protective) that taking him home is basically rewarding him for not cooperating at school.
He does get tired, but as TC says, why not sit with him and read him stories or something. He's always up for that.

God, I am spitting mad on your behalf now Aloha.

No behaviour management plan?
When you have been asked to collect him so frequently?

Grrrr.
What is the SENCO playing at?

OK, that wasn't helpful . But still. Grrr.

First thing I would take into the school would be three proposed, attainable, measurable goals for you ds to work towards. These should be short term goals.

So an idea might be, not to touch the white board in the first 5 minutes of the lesson/day (or 2 minutes if he can't manage 5, IYSWIM). The goals need to be attainable, so 'Don't touch the white board' would be impossible for him atm.

The teacher needs to agree on targets and success criteria

THree stratagies for the teacher to use that will help him to settle in, so for example

Ds is always to sit on the edge of the circle (to limit sesory overlaod if that is a problem for him)

DS needs to sit by X (a pupil he is friendly with)

Ds needs to sit in the same place.

Ds needs a quiet enviroment

All these things have helped secondary pupils with ASD that I have taught.

The school is obviously treating him as an NT child and this *isn't going to work for anyone, not your ds, the teacher, or the other kids (tho naturally you should only be thinking of your ds welfare....I'm just thinking like a teacher for a bit)

They need to start to build these stratgies into their lesson plans. So, for example Ds can have an exit card if he begins to get overloaded, so that he can go somewhere calm with a TA for, say,. five minutes, before he goes back to the lesson.

Bundle, you aren't trivialising. YOu are perfectly correct. I feel very frustrated at the moment.
Look it's nearly three, and all I can think about is 'will the phone ring? what's going on at school'.
Am adding latest events to the diary I keep on the computer.
I thought MN was v slow this pm - didn't realise Ms Byron was on!

brilliant suggestions, mb

if it's nearly 3, that's good isn't it aloha? has that been achieved this week so far?

Thanks MB, have cut and pasted your advice into my little folder.
I really appreciate it.
I worry that unless they find ways to manage ds, his behaviour and the reaction to it will just mark him out more and more as the class freak. At the moment they know he is different but he has friends. I am absolutely terrified that they might start laughing at him or picking on him.

For each target, you should agree with the school how that will be monitored (who is responsible, teacher, TA?) and what the success criteria will be. To ensure that it is actually monitored. And recorded. In home-school book for example.

Oh dear Aloha-it is so depressing when it all goes wrong again so soon isn't it? Not a brilliant start for us here either, but I am hoping it will get better after this week. DSs teacher is lovely and they are at last applying for a statement for him.
Did you see my post on your earlier thread about Signal, by the way?

Well, he was at home for lunch! and I don't know what happened this morning. For all I know he's sitting in the school office at this very minute. It has been known.

keep us updated,x

and you have to make sure that the schoo agrees things that are resonable for your ds to aim for.

No 'Be good' crap!

SMART targets This means they should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable and Realistic, and set against an appropriate Timescale.

TBH, that is why he needs something other than the whole school behaviour management programme. Children tend to be supportive of children in these situations, if they see them succeeding at their own goals. Atthe moment they just see him failing where they are succeeding.