Struggling to get over DS saying he wants to die

[AriellaBella]

DS (10) has ASD and sometimes has violent and angry meltdowns. He had 2 in the space of a week recently and during one (after trashing his room and smashing everything possible) he sobbed for an hour that he wanted to die. On repeat "just let me die, please kill me".

I haven't been able to get over it. It was probably about 3 weeks ago now, but I feel like I'm on shutdown. I don't know how to get over the image of him being that upset and hearing those words.

My biggest fear is that one day, when he is older, he will actually kill himself when he is in a mood like this; completely inconsolable, unable to see any good in the world or anything positive, just full of sadness and pain.

At the same time myself and my partner of 2 years are going for IVF. We had a failed round last year and have 1 frozen embryo. I keep wondering if I am mad to be considering bringing another child into the world when I have one that doesn't want to be here.

I know that withdrawing from people is to try and stop myself from being hurt and is somewhat self protective but I don't know how to reverse this feeling of shutting down and wanting the whole world to go away.

I'm already having counselling but that hasn't helped with this feeling.

Hon mine didn’t sleep either last night (chose to sleep on floor after hurling all his bedding ) and was hideous this morning
He drive me to tears !
Restful day for ya

Sorry cant say hon on
Mumsnet

@Thisisworsethananticipated I hope your day gets better

My 13yo dd who is under camhs and currently under assessment for ASD has also said this in the past 😥 it's heartbreaking to hear as a parent. I would never show it but I get angry sometimes as feel like I've tried so hard to give her a happy life and she is so unhappy.

A lot of it stems from chronic low self belief and so I have invested in activities that I hope helps with her confidence. Things like horse riding, she loves animals, we also got a dog last year as a sort of therapy dog for her.

I completely hear you re dreading them doing something catastrophic in the heat of the moment, this crosses my mind every time I leave her in the house on her own (not very often but occasionally I need to pop out without her!)