Pretty sure my baby has autism. If you had known early, is there anything you would have done/done differently? (I also have a DS who has autism)

[NeedsACuppa]

My 5 year old DS has autism. I knew pretty much straight away that something wasn’t right, although for a long time I did wonder if he was a very high needs baby. We tried to get him assessed when he was around 18 months and our GP refused to refer, telling us that it was too early to tell, but lo and behold when they did assess him later at 2.5, he got an autism diagnosis (it was pretty clear to all by then).

I have a 9 month old baby. She isn’t responding to her name and there are other red flags, quite a few to be honest, although she also does things that my little boy never really did like pointing a lot. Like with my little boy, I just know. I am trying to push down my sadness and do everything I can for my baby. I know that there will be very little help available right now as I will be told it’s too early, but I want to do my best and I have learnt enough with my son to know that it’s on us to do stuff with/for her. I have ordered the Denver Early Start book which I’ve read is good for babies. (I did ABA with my son, but he wasn’t that suited to it. We switched to a more Floortime approach and he did much better (he has strong PDA traits)).

So I guess my question is what would you do differently (if at all) if you had known when your child was a baby? I am doing silly little things that I think will help. There’s a lady in my local supermarket who my baby absolutely loves. She seems to have the knack of making her really laugh and engage so I try to go in there if we need shopping and to go to her queue as I know my baby will love to see her.

I know someone will say (and they’d be right) that I need to just enjoy my baby. I’m trying to do just that and to push down the sadness and the panic. All of the difficulties that my son has faced, and my regrets at not getting help sooner, mean that if there is anything I can do that will help, however small, I want to do it.

I couldn’t adore my baby more. I just want to do all that I can. Also, I know that it’s early, she’s only tiny, but when you know, you know.

I feel like I should be able to say “I got this”. You’d think that I would be well equipped because of everything I have learnt with my son. However I can’t really think straight. I try to play with her, to engage her, make her laugh and make her happy, but a voice in my is always saying, “not you too, my precious baby”. I am feeling kind of paralysed. I guess I am in more of a panic than I am admitting. I know I need to get my big girl pants on fast.

I’m feeling pretty heart sore right now xx

Sorry to hear you are in this position. I noticed a difference in my 2nd child very soon after he was born. We were in the maternity ward and I remember thinking how weirdly undemanding he was.

What I would not do is any therapy at all. I did speech therapy and paid for some privately and I did a pre school ASD group with him. I honestly believe that he just learnt all of that stuff by himself and the therapy made no difference.

What I would do more of;

• pay for respite care
• Ditch all baby groups
• try and do lots of things which make me feel close to my child (swimming, pushing him in a swing)
• not try and talk to friends as they mostly can't help and pay for counselling
• politely ignore all the unsolicited parenting advice I received

My ds is 10 now and we have a great relationship. He is as he was designed to be and has many characteristics which I admire and enjoy.

For you now, just try and focus on all the things which you enjoy doing with your baby, like taking her to see the woman in the shop, that sounds perfect.

I found a tv programme that made my son laugh when he was 3 and non verbal. I used to let him watch hours of it as it was so life affirming hearing him giggle!

Thank you so much for your message and I’m sorry for the delay, my baby has been sick today.

I loved what you said about just doing things to connect with my baby. We will keep on with the supermarket trips! It made me smile to hear about your little one chuckling away at his favourite programme It’s also lovely to hear what a great relationship you have with your son. I want that with my baby. I am very close to my son, he is such a lovely child (if tricky!). I think feeling like I know from the outset has had an impact on my relationship with my baby (it’s been imbued with worry and sadness) and despite feeling like I need to be totally engaged and focused it has somehow paralysed me. I want to get things back on track. I feel lots of pressure (from myself!) to go to baby classes and to be “doing” activities, but we’re both happiest when we’re playing together. I will try to focus on doing what feels good for us both not what I think we should be doing. So much of my thinking has been panic based. I need to just calm down and think about what makes her really happy.

Your message was the lift I’ve (really, really) needed and has made me think a bit clearer. Thank you very much ❤️

OP, I don't have any experience at all, but you sound to me like a wonderful mum who's also in the grip of a kind of grief. So I wanted to suggest that maybe looking at what you need for yourself is the best thing you can do for your DD

Thank you. Yes, grief is probably right. Somehow it’s hitting me harder this time. I guess I thought she would be ok and that this time things would be different. I’m not sure why. I just did. That is good advice. Thank you.

I really feel for you, OP. You sound so sad and afraid. And exhausted. Have you said it all out loud to someone kind? Or written it all down? Maybe that would give you some relief. (Sorry if that's a really pathetic suggestion. Just going by what helps me.)

As for your DD (again this is totally unqualified advice), just love her and love her and love her! Try to be curious about her and what helps her thrive rather than always on alert for things that might be "wrong". (I hope that doesn't sound naive. But I'm sure you're doing all the other important stuff already.)

And be as kind as you possibly can to yourself. You're doing a wonderful job.

My honest advice is to get yourself a few sessions of counselling. "Pushing it down" doesn't work long term. Get it out and process it now or it'll only hitter you bigger and uglier later. I know you want to put your energy into your baby, not yourself, but honestly I do think it is a profound investment in you being the best parent you can be. I wish I'd done it years ago.

With your baby, it sounds like you have great instincts. Enjoy each other. We liked baby signing and found it useful when DS's speech came late. Engage with what she is doing and spend some of each day playing her games, rather than games you've shown her, if possible. It's a nice way to connect. Maybe just sit still and narrate what she is doing, then do the same yourself.

OP I am going through similar and although no help to you, reading this has made me feel less alone so thank you for sharing.

My DS was meeting all his milestones and is now 2 but at 1.5 we started to notice a slow down in development, we've been referred to services as they're confident he too has Autism. I feel awful as my first thoughts were, I don't have time to help him too as his older sister needs so much help.

Your words that you feel paralysed really resonate with me. I'm a logical thinker but I find this all so emotive that I just can't think straight.

I agree with MrsBobDylan, I'm not convinced therapy is the only answer as it has made little difference to my DD who's had SALT & OT & Educator for nearly two years. What has helped is the Hanen course I did as I feel like I'm giving them the best chance to communicate.

I struggle as I don't feel like I enjoy time with them and every day is a slog to try and fit in the daily chores as well as imaginative play, stacking, sorting, puzzles, messy play, reading, singing, dancing - mainly because I just get ignored and they don't even notice if I leave the room. I'm scared to stop doing it as all I hear is, early intervention is their best chance.

I'm sorry for what you're going through and I hope you can enjoy your family and precious time together, I hope it will get easier in time for you

I’m so sorry for the delay in coming back to you all. My baby has chicken pox

I really appreciate all of the responses. Thank you all very much. It has given me lots to think about.

McCormacksGirl - Thank you for such kind messages. I talk with my husband and he totally understands. You’re right that it does bring some relief. “Love her, and love her and love her”. That’s pretty much as good as it gets advice wise

HoHoHolly - Thank you very much I’m really glad that counselling worked so well for you. I had trauma counselling for something unrelated and while it definitely helped during the sessions, it left me very low for a long time after each one. I know that’s common but it made things quite difficult and it’s made me reluctant. I will, though, think about revisiting it. We do baby sign! It’s actually my favourite thing to do together as she tends to look to me for reassurance during the sessions and I feel connected in a way that isn’t always there, which is a great feeling. It’s good advice to follow her lead and her games. I will remind myself to do that more!

Freerangerr - I am so sorry that you are going through this too. It’s so hard isn’t it? I completely get that feeling of not knowing how to find space to deal with more. My son is so demanding and trying to help him, especially now he’s at school, takes up so much of our time that I worry for my baby and how we’ll be able to give her everything she needs. (My son regressed at 2 years old. It’s a cruel thing isn’t it?).

I have actually dug out my Hanen books. They were great for my son. I will look into doing a course. It’s great that you found if helpful. It sounds like you are doing amazingly and doing so much! You are giving your kiddies the absolute best chance. It’s really difficult for it not to feel like a chore when you have a list of things you want to make sure you do each day, and that pressure of feeling like you absolutely have to do it to give them the best chance. On the being ignored front, I have found that things I had said or done with my son that he seemed to pay no real interest in at the time turned out to be things he had in fact take in. It often came out or was mentioned much, much later though. That kept me going through those moments of thinking “you’re not listening to anything I say”. I hope that happens for you soon too, that you also get to enjoy your precious children and that the days are gentler on you. Thank you for posting. I felt like it could be me talking and I appreciated so much that you replied to my message

@NeedsACuppa

Hi, I am just reading this thread as I have the same concerns about my 7 month old. Did you notice any signs at this age? How is your little one getting on? I am thinking of getting the hanen books. Would you recommend them?

X

Hi @Bpr187

I’m so sorry for the delay. Things have been hectic here with home schooling. My baby also cut 4 teeth this week 😫

I’m so sorry that you have worries about your little one. I hope you’re doing ok.

With my son, yes, I did notice things at 7 months. I noticed from the start to be honest. At 7 months he would take a good while to answer his name if he was playing or crawling about/engaged in something, although it always seemed like he was just too busy to reply. He was generally a really demanding baby so breastfeeding etc was all excessive. He was a very poor sleeper and it was extremely hard work to get a nap out of him. His emotions just seemed really big. If he got upset, he got really upset. I remember meeting my NCT group when he was very small and he was crying as we were getting ready to leave and no one could settle him. It took nearly an hour to get him settled and in his carseat ready to go, as he would get hysterical. I was constantly having to feed him. I noticed how much he breastfed compared to the other babies. I cried all the way home as I was embarrassed and worried. He refused all bottles even of expressed milk and so it turned out that I was the only one who get him to sleep (fed to sleep). He fed till he was 2.5!!! The flip side though was that he was a very sociable, inquisitive, and happy baby. He was really good fun. He was fascinated with people. I think it’s why it took so long to get him assessed after our initial concerns were raised. People (eg GPS, health visitors, family) just didn’t really understand the complexities of ASD and how differently children can present.

With my baby now, at 7 months (and before), it was mainly her interaction with other people which caused us to worry. She just wouldn’t give anything when people spoke to her in shops or on the street etc (save for the lady in the supermarket who she loves and who does make her laugh). She was much more engaged with us, but I found myself making excuses (she’s shy etc) with other people and I remember doing that with my son a lot.

She is doing really quite well now, even though we still have our worries and we still think she has autism. She has become much more outgoing with us. With others, it’s still not easy for people to make her smile or laugh although if someone comes over to see us, after a hesitant 30 mins or so (sometimes more) she is then very engaged and smiley and more up for laughing etc. With us she is a happy, smiley and fun loving baby. She seems to be in a real rush to speak as she is already saying quite a few words and saying them very clearly. She has an interest in the world that my son didn’t have (although he did love people). Despite this, she still doesn’t say our names, nor my sons, although if you ask her where is mummy or daddy etc she will smile and immediately point at us. My feeling is that she also has autism but that it will come out in a very different way to my son. To give you some encouragement, she has made massive strides in the last few months and all of our attempts at intensive interaction seem to be working. I would definitely recommend Hanen the books are great as well as Teach Me to Talk (Laura Mize) her podcasts are excellent especially at getting you to play which I found hard work eh my son.

I hope that helps. What are your worries blue your little one?

I’m sorry for the typos. I’m writing this as my baby sleeps in my lap

@NeedsACuppa

No worries thank you for responding to me. It’s such a worrying time isn’t it, I find these threads a godsend lately and I never ever imagined using them.

My son is the same with the breastfeeding, he would feed all day if I allowed him to. I think it’s definitely a comfort thing. He’s also a terrible sleeper (still 2 hourly). He did start to get a bit better around 4-5 months but then he started teething and it’s gone awful again. Although I seemed to have got use to it.

That’s the main thing that breaks my heart about my son. He rarely smiles and I hardly get any interaction from him and I just feel like he doesn’t know me :( he blankly stares and it’s just so upsetting. I think if he was a happy/smiley baby (even though I’d still be feeling these worries etc) I think it would soften the blow slightly and would allow me to enjoy and relax a bit. I did get some smiles tonight before the bath when I was blowing raspberries on his belly. I nearly cried because he’s never done that before. So I’m hoping it will slowly improve and will get more and more.

With regards to worries of autism my main concerns are:

• lack of eye contact (only when laying on his back)
• no social smiles like if I smile at him he never smiles back
• fixates on objects particularly square shaped e.g

photoframes.

• does like a scratching thing with his hands a lot
• doesn’t recognise me and my husband E.g doesn’t notice when we enter or leave the room
• struggling to wean
• delayed on milestones (he can sit up but he falls over a lot, he’s only rolled once)
• struggles to hold toys - he can hold them but drops them a lot

Your little ones sounds delightful! I can’t believe that your daughter is saying words already that’s amazing, the fact that she is happy and interacting with you is a big positive too isn’t it what are your concerns about her? .. how is your son doing now?

I will definitely order the Hanen book. A lot of people talk about them so must be worth it. Also, thank you for the podcast recommendation I could do with something to listen to on my dog walks so that will be perfect. My son is the same with regards to playing he doesn’t seem to know how to do it. He just sort of holds the toy. He doesn’t do anything with it, unless it’s his piano he knows how to hit the buttons on that. Xx

Also the typing while the baby sleeps on my lap made me laugh.. that’s basically my life! Haha.

It’s really worrying and sad and lonely. I also found these kind of threads really helpful-just to hear someone else say, yes, I have those worries too, here’s what has helped etc. I also didn’t imagine using them but I found so much helpful information for my son this way (like Teach Me to Talk and Hanen).

My son was his like that breastfeeding wise. My baby girl is starting to ramp up the breastfeeding so I’m kind of holding my breath as one voracious breast feeder is enough for me! Definitely comfort and you kind of have to go with it and ignore what anyone else says on it. That’s what I did anyway. Oh god, I had 2 hrly wake ups too! They’re tough aren’t they, although like you say, you do get used to it and anything more is a bonus. My daughter was a brilliant sleeper but is getting progressively worse now. As we were expecting her to also be a terrible sleeper we are just glad for an easier start than with my son.

The lack of interaction is really hard. But your son is still very little and I’m sure it’ll improve. It really has with my daughter, but I know that panicky feeling. I remember feeling embarrassed (as well as upset of course), which is an odd way to describe it, but I felt like “you are supposed to be engaging with me and you’re not and I’m not sure what to do”. Keep going x

That is brilliant about the smiles after the raspberry blowing! I would keep doing it!! It’s kind of like the lady in the supermarket (although much better that it’s you making him smile!). Sometimes you need to find a way in and once you have it, there is a little connection made and things flow from there.

I think you’re right that it will improve. He’s very small still. It slowly did with my daughter and it is very different now to how it was. She is still no way near as sociable as my son was at her age (with us or others) but it is so encouraging when it starts to come.

Looking at your worries, my baby girl has some of them too. Weaning was horrible. She would get fixated on something on the table which would distract her completely so much so that she’d ignore the food, or she’d grab the spoon and insist on doing it but put it the wrong way and the food would go everywhere. That went on for months with her hardly eating a thing. She is still very easily distracted and doesn’t eat a great deal but she does eat most things you give her (my son is a total nightmare for food so we are glad of that). I hope the weaning gets easier.

My daughter had this thing where she couldn’t seem to focus on you/make eye contact if you were close to her but was better when you were far away. It took us a while to realise. I’m not sure if that is the same or if you have tried that. We got her eyes checked but they were fine. They said it was just delayed development of her vision. I found if I was waving from the other side of the room she would make much better eye contact than right up close. She is much better at it now (still not amazing but she’ll hold your gaze quite a bit).

We had no social smiles. It’s awful isn’t it? Again, sorry if it’s annoying to have suggestions that you’ve probably already tried, but I found I had to be quite over the top with enthusiasm for my daughter to respond to me. I was constantly saying “yay babyNeedsACuppa” when she did anything but it seemed to work for her and eventually she would smile when I did it.

Thank you. She’s a lovely little one but I feel like it’s taken me such a long time to get to know her properly. My son was so intense that we kind of had to get to know him really fast. Yes, the talking is a huge surprise to us! She spoke very early. I am always cautious about these things as my son had a big regression at 2, but so far it’s lovely to see.

I am worried that she doesn’t say our names. That’s a red flag. She has said mama once I think and I’m not entirely sure it was actually addressing me. I am longing to hear it. Also when she was younger, you could leave her sitting with anyone and she would be fine and it was like she never missed us. My son was the total opposite, he would have been hysterical. I’m not quite sure - given lockdown and not seeing anyone - how that would be now. She is still not brilliant at responding to her name (she is sometimes good sometimes not great) but she has got much better. I think it’s mainly a feeling to be honest. I just feel like often she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to react. She will laugh but you get the sense it’s because she thinks we expect her to.

My son is doing really well. He goes to the local mainstream school with a full time 1:2:1. He is still a total firecracker and is quite demand avoidant so he’s not the easiest!! But he’s still a happy, fun child and he’s very loving (has a terrible temper but you can’t have it all 😂)

Do get the Hanen books, they are great and they mainly remind you to think about how you’re interacting. Teach Me to Talk is incredible. My son had lots of words but couldn’t really put them together and then he regressed. I think that lady (who is a SLT) helped to get my son to talk, so do check out her podcasts when walking the dog 😊 (She’s an engaging character). My son’s play skills are still pretty rubbish. I wish I’d found Laura Mize earlier as I think they’d be better now if I had started early.

Have you spoken to the HV or GP about your concerns?

I have yakked on for long enough. I’ll stop now. I hope it’s helped. Your baby boy is still so small and lots can change quickly. Keep blowing those raspberries! ❤️

Haha yes my life too. Typing in the dark with a baby asleep in my lap!

@NeedsACuppa

Can you send me a link to the Hanen books you used please? There’s so many on there I want to make sure I get the right one. With the teach me to talk is it the therapy manual?

When did you son start to sleep longer than two hours? We haven’t put him in his own room yet as least now I can co-sleep a bit to get some rest. Some people have told me putting him in his own room will help but I’m not so convinced. We might try it soon anyway, just to see.

That’s exactly how I feel upset and if there’s anyone around I feel embarrassed because I’m scared they might be thinking why isn’t the baby interested in her. I also find myself making excuses for him when people try to talk to him and he just looks away or stares at the floor. He’s so uninterested in any people - so heartbreaking. Not how I imagined it. We’re such a social, bubbly family and all the kids are all excitable, loud, bubbly and always were as babies (My nieces and nephews) so I’m really struggling with the difference.

I’ll keep going with the interaction anyway, even though I don’t get much back. Just pray it improves. With the raspberries, I do that with him every day, last night is just the first time he’s actually reacted. But that’s the thing, sometimes I think I’ve found something to make him smile/laugh but then if I do it again he doesn’t react the same. Did you find that?

Yes the lack of social smiles is awful. Really really breaks my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever take a smile for granted ever again. How old was your daughter when she became more interactive and social with you? His eye contact is improving slowly but it’s not great. I think when they improves more then his interaction will. I get much more interaction from him when he’s laying on his back. Because he’s not sitting him very well I find he’s concentrating too much on that sometimes to do anything else. I noticed you said crawling around at 7 months too, that’s early!! Did both of your children develop normally in a sense of reach all milestones at the right time?

I’m already worrying about when it comes to speaking and him not saying mama and that’s months away anyway. I find myself doing that a lot now, thinking about the future. It’s good that she is speaking though. She’s just over 1 now is she?
Great to hear you son is doing well in a mainstream school. That’s amazing! That’s one thing I always think that as long as he’s happy then I’m happy.

Yes I’ve spoken to the GP and HV and we’ve been referred to a paediatrician. So waiting to hear from them. Are you in the UK?

Xx

Morning!

I will come back got you properly but I am juggling home schooling and chasing after my baby. For now, I have (hopefully) added a photo of the books I have. Also the Early Start one, which I need to get on with too. It’s so hard at the moment as there is no time with home schooling but I really need to do it. With Teach Me to Talk there is a manual and there are also dvds. We got the DVD’s but I think they’re now all on YouTube. If you subscribe to the email (free) you’ll be sent updates.

I’ll post later today x

I had a quick look. There are lots of videos on the Teach Me to Talk channel on YouTube. Her podcasts are also definitely worth a listen x

@NeedsACuppa

No worries I bet it’s hectic with two and home schooling! I have the Early start one already it’s great! I’ve ordered the more than words too! Will listen to the podcasts tomorrow! Thanks for that for YouTube tip too!

Thanks for your message. I’m so sorry for the delay! My baby is unwell so we had a bit of a day yesterday (and last night!).

I’m afraid to say that my son took a really long time to sleep longer than 2 hours. I think it was around 13 months. But once he did he slept for a lot longer although he did still wake in the night. He just wasn’t a good sleeper when he was small. (Now though, I have to wake him for school! I never thought that would happen). I co-slept too and just did what I needed to so that I could get some rest. Once I did that we were all happier as I wasn’t getting up all night. My son was in his own room from around a year but I think he was just ready to sleep longer. I’m not sure it was being in his own room that did it. Always worth a try though!

Yes, the embarrassment is horrible although it’s crazy really, as we have nothing to be embarrassed about. We’re doing our best and our babies will keep developing. I’ve found that if I say my baby is very shy and nervous around others, people back off a bit and that has given us both some breathing space and makes me less panicked.

From everything I know of kiddies with autism, as we have met lots over the years (and I am not saying your baby has it as only a professional team say that, and more importantly he’s very little and babies can and do change very quickly and so will he) they are all interested in people even if it doesn’t seem it. It is the being able to communicate it part that they struggle with and sometimes it’s a lot later that you realise that bit. My son has said stuff to us that happened years early and we had thought he hadn’t even noticed at the time. I guess I’m trying to say that it can feel so depressing to not get anything back, but what you are doing is no doubt being taken in and making a difference every day.

It’s really hard when you can’t help but compare. My niece is 7 months older, so family were always comparing (in my case how calm she was compared to my son who was a total handful).

Do keep going with the interaction. It will make a difference, it really will, it just sometimes takes a while to see it. You are doing amazingly by starting so soon. I wish we had. You are already making a massive difference to your son’s development by doing that. My daughter definitely had/has that thing where she would laugh once but not again (my son was the opposite and you’d have to do it over and over once he discovered something. To a painful extent!!). Keep going. You will find new things.

Quite soon after I posted my original message so probably around 10 months, my baby suddenly seemed to come out of herself a lot and became much more smiley and engaged. She still very rarely social smiles with strangers (although every now and then she’ll randomly start smiling laughing and waving at a stranger). I’m hoping that will improve too. It does make us worry though. I know what you mean about not taking smiles for granted. My baby was the same - her eye contact was really poor as a baby so much so that she was referred for her vision. Once it got better, her interaction also improved a lot which makes sense I guess so I’m sure your son will be the same as his eye contact increases.

My baby did all the gross motor skills early, so she rolled and sat and crawled early, but she did have a habit of doing something really early (rolling) and then not doing it again for absolutely ages. That worried us as my son had a big regression at 2. The social stuff, tracking things with her eyes, smiling etc she was very late with and we actually got the referral for her eyes as she had not smiled at 12 weeks. My son was average for everything but he never really pointed in the way my daughter does. She points all the time, whereas looking back he did it very very little and not really in a social way.

Try not to worry about speaking. I know it’s hard. I keep waiting for mama. Keep watching and reading Teach Me to Talk and Hanen (well done for ordering it already!) as both have loads about pre linguistic skills that babies need before they talk.

Yes she’s coming up to 13 months now and she said her first words around 11 months.

Yes our son has amazed us. He couldn’t really speak much at all at 3 and now he is starting to read which I never would have believed could happen. His speech is still very behind compared to his peers but he chats away and he’s a happy little one and still full of mischief! That’s the thing. Things can feel very bleak, sometimes for a long time, but then suddenly amazing things happen. You are so right, if they are happy we are too.

That’s good that you have a referral. Yes we’re in the UK. Are you? Yes we are in the UK. Are you?

x

@NeedsACuppa

Aww don’t apologise, hope your baby is feeling better bless her. To be honest I’m not entirely bothered about the waking every two hours because I’ve mastered the co-sleeping so I’m getting enough sleep anyway. I was just wondering if it does improve. Because of the issues/worries I have I also don’t like the thought of doing control because at the moment I feel like crying to tell me he’s tried, hungry etc is a positive that he’s communicating so I don’t want to possibly affect that in any way if that makes sense.

It’s the only thing I’m enjoying about lockdown at the moment, the fact that I‘m not seeing anyone when I have these worries because I’m nervous that someone may notice that he’s quite passive and ask me. I know I would probably just start crying or panic. Also I think going to baby groups I’ve always gone to would upset me. Seeing other babies on social media smiling, laughing etc is really upsetting so I’m trying to avoid it.

That’s good to know about the interaction. I’ve done two video calls with an early intervention lady and we had one yesterday, she said she can already see an improvement in his eye contact and interaction. So that’s a positive. It’s just because he’s so hit and miss, one day I think he’s making progress and then the next day he’s away with the fairies again I will keep going with the interaction, looking forward to the first Hanen book arriving. I haven’t ordered the “it takes two to talk” yet because I thought I can listen to the podcasts in the meantime and then order it in a few weeks. I def agree with what you say about things seeming bleak sometimes, I’m hoping as time goes on I will start to notice it more myself.

Funny you should mention an eye test because we’ve been referred to the ophthalmologist because he’s got a bit of a squint/wandering eye. So waiting on that too.

Aww I really hope I see a difference in him smiling etc as he gets older. Even if it’s just with us. Like you say, I can just tell everyone else he’s shy (I’m def using that haha).

Oh that word regression haunts me a bit. I think already I’m thinking of the future in a sense that as he progresses (hopefully) that there will always be a chance that he could regress. That must just be devastating. Did your son stop doing everything he’d learnt when he regressed?
It sounds as though he’s done so well though, it really gives me a positive boost when I hear how well some kids are doing in mainstream school etc.

Yes I’m in the UK, in South Wales. Where are you? Xx

I

I am so very sorry. Every one here has been sick bar me thank goodness, so I’ve been looking after them all. It’s been a bit of a time!

I also wasn’t that fussed about the night waking. Don’t get me wrong, a good sleeper would have been great! But once you realise that’s not where you at right now, you kind of just go with it don’t you? I also didn’t dare to do controlled crying. My son would have been hysterical and vomiting within seconds. You just know when it’s not right for your child. I completely agree about the crying being a good way of your little one telling you something and not wanting to affect that. I felt the same with my baby girl so again didn’t do it with her. We are the bad sleeper club here!

Lockdown is a good chance to just focus on you and your baby as people and baby groups etc can be really stressful when you are feeling worried about your child. I have also benefited from having time with her I think, without any outside pressures. I would say that avoiding anything that you find tricky or upsetting is a good plan. I did the same and am doing the same with my baby girl. There are bigger goals to focus on and it helps you to grow your confidence without worrying about what other people are thinking. Then you are more ready when you have to!

Oh well done on the video calls! That’s amazing. Is she a floortime teacher? That is fantastic that eye contact has improved already. What an encouraging sign. Yes I would just stick to the podcasts for now, they are more than enough. I felt the same that we’d see improvement in something but then it felt like it went backwards a bit. It will start to come together. You are your little boy’s best teacher.

Hope you get a date for your eye test soon.

Haha yes I’ve found the shy/nervous baby line very helpful as people can be quite overpowering even when they’re trying to be nice, and it usually makes them ease off a bit.

The regression was devastating although it wasn’t something that happened suddenly, little by little he lost skills, mostly his fine motor skills. So for example he stopped being able to use cutlery. That’s something he still finds difficult now. He had hit all of his milestones so it was very hard. He has done really well though and we are immensely proud of him. If I had known the huge leaps he would make at 4 I would never have believed it and those bleak and worrying times would have been easier. That was the age when he suddenly started making massive progress. It was astonishing. Obviously on his own trajectory and not in line with his peers. But massive none the less. It is a long haul when your child is having difficulties and if you could only be shown the progress that is to come down the line (even though sometimes it’s a long time later) it would get you through those hard bits.

Right, they’re waking up! Wish me luck. And of course, massive luck to you.

x

Ps, we are in London

Hi @NeedsACuppa

Aww so sorry to hear that, hope everyone is on the mend and you don’t catch it!

Ye I’m not too bothered about the sleep, I’m not much of a sleeper myself so as long as I get a few hours I’m generally ok. I don’t think I’d succeed on the control crying either I think it would just cause too much upset so looks like he’s in with us for the foreseeable haha.

She’s an ABA therapist, she was recommended by a few people on here and she is great so far so hoping we get to meet her soon. Did you do ABA? (Sorry if I’ve asked you that already).

You know you said your daughters eye contact improved and then her interaction improved, can you remember roughly how old she was?

I know that’s what I’m desperate for, just a little glimpse of the future just to let me know that everything will be ok. Sounds silly because ultimately it will be ok whatever happens but right now it’s just that ache of “I wish everything was just ok and I didn’t have any worries”.

Another thing I wanted to ask if you don’t mind, how did you feel about having another baby? (I know it sounds crazy because he’s only 7 months old) but I always thought I’d have them about a year - 18 months apart and now I’m thinking I can’t do that because I need to know how things will work out. Did you feel like that when you started to have concerns? Xx

Hi

I hope you don’t mind me jumping on but I have some concerns about my 15 month old.

I was looking to order the more than words book but couldn’t find where to order online, does anyone know where is best to order it?

Also based in UK x

Hi @toffeecoffee

Sorry to hear you’re having concerns! It’s such a scary time - hope you’re ok!

I ordered mine here www.winslowresources.com/more-than-words-from-hanen-book.html

It was on the list of approved suppliers on the Hanen website xx