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My 5 year old daughter

9 replies

slithytove · 27/09/2019 23:12

I’m posting as I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and I could do with a handhold, maybe some reassurance I’m doing the right thing and some advice as to what else I could do.

My 5 year old has some mental health problems. Definitely anxiety and phobias which are getting worse, she also has a meltdown every couple of weeks.

I don’t seem to be able to prevent the meltdowns, they can be about the most innocuous of things, and result in massive screaming, shouting, stamping, hitting, sometimes self harm, throwing things, and contradictory information (I want a cuddle, don’t touch me).

The phobias started as sick and now is spiders as well, I’m scared its going to increase. It prevents her from joining in some activities and living her usual life.

She has recently become very worried about people dying as well. ‘

She gets anxious about things I haven’t yet identified and when she is anxious, her behaviour is bad.

I have school involved (she just started reception this September) who are very sympathetic, have given her access to the learning support room, have given her feelings cards and a rewards chart, and are trying to manage her phobias and acting out in a kind way.

She had a camhs appointment and they said there are things we can do and I’m to go back next week to discuss, there is no therapy she can have with camhs due to her age.

I don’t know what else to do.

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TheRollingCrone · 27/09/2019 23:28

Just giving a hand hold & Flowers. You might be best asking for this to be moved to SEN section OP.

Migrant2 · 27/09/2019 23:30

It sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job and so are the school. These are both huge, huge positives for your daughter and well worth celebrating. I work with many kids who don’t have this. Do you have any support for yourself? Is anyone propping you up? Can the GP suggest any local support groups? Would any of the strategies used at school be helpful at home?

slithytove · 27/09/2019 23:36

We are trying to use the feelings cards at home but only in day 3 and it’s slow going. I’m on sertraline to help with some of my feelings but other than that have very little support. I will ask gp, thanks

I’m hoping CAMHS offer me something more in the appointment next week. Am happy to pay for play or art therapy for her but ideally want to know it s the right thing for her and find the right therapist.

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BraveGoldie · 27/09/2019 23:39

Op it sounds like you are doing a great job supporting and helping your daughter. It must be very difficult and painful to see her struggling.

I have no idea the cause of your daughter's anxiety..... but I wonder if you or someone else close to her is also anxious or unhappy.... sometimes kids end up trying to cope with and expressing more openly emotions that are originating in those around them. The calmer the whole emotional ecosystem around them, the calmer they may be able to feel.

I found this with my daughter during my divorce- she would externalizations emotional upset that I realized I was actually burying....

I am not sure why I am saying this, as there is nothing in your post to explicitly suggest this is happening.... it is just a thought.

It must be so hard coping with these difficulties and I hope you are able to take a rest and care for your own wellbeing.....

slithytove · 28/09/2019 10:44

Most of the time it’s fine, and then a meltdown hits and it becomes unbearable and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if she is autistic and I should be ignoring CAHMS and just doing this all privately - my gut says no. I really don’t want her to suffer.

There is the possibility she is picking up on other emotions, yes. @BraveGoldie when you realised how did you help your daughter?

My husband and I are not on the same page when it comes to dealing with this.

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stucknoue · 28/09/2019 10:48

I would strongly suggest asking camhs to assess her for autism. In girls anxiety is often the main "symptom" though they need to meet the standard criteria of course

LouMumsnet · 28/09/2019 14:52

Hi there OP. As requested, we've moved your thread over to SN Children and hopefully some wise MNers will be along with advice and support for you very soon.

Best of luck with it all.

Flowers
slithytove · 28/09/2019 15:49

I will ask for a referral for an autism assessment next week. I’m not sure she meets the other criteria. Is there a reliable list?

Looking at NHS she doesn’t seem to fit their descriptions. Yet it is something I am wondering about. Her meltdowns and inability to cope at times does make me think she isn’t NT.

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slithytove · 28/09/2019 15:54

She is loving and kind
Met all her milestones
Clever and quick
Doing well with reading
Responds to and has always responded well to her name
Fidgets
Can not sit still
Repetitive and often loud about it e.g sings the same sentence over and over until she gets attention
A people pleaser sometimes at her own expense
Thinks people dislike or hate her
Has friends but seems to be on the outside if there is a group
Has problems with volume control
Sometimes brilliant at doing what she is told first time other times has to be asked a lot and occasionally, it will go into to a meltdown.

I just don’t know what of the above is standard 5 year old and what might be ASD. This all started about a year ago.

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