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SN children

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Original poster

Anyone just watched the programme on BBC2 about the lady that adopted 5 sn children?

45 replies

blossomhill · 21/09/2004 22:06

I did and it was brilliant. What an amazing family. Some of it was really sad, especially when the younger boy (terrible with names) was crying after being told off for mucking about at school. The poor older 4 had all had a really rough time in there early years but this mum and dad really turned there lives around!

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tamum · 21/09/2004 22:08

I've just finished watching- what a lovely group of children, and the mother was great, said just the right things along with loads of cuddles. It was really uplifting, and weren't the babies gorgeous! I was nearly in tears myself when the younger boy was crying.

Heathcliffscathy · 21/09/2004 22:08

yes, had mixed feelings about it that can't quite place...

tamum · 21/09/2004 22:10

Did you sophable? What was the problem do you think? (genuinely interested, not being snide )

peachypie · 21/09/2004 22:10

yes what an amazing lady she must have the patience of a saint - them babies were beautiful.

DelGirl · 21/09/2004 22:10

what a lovely family.

Original poster

blossomhill · 21/09/2004 22:12

It was so lovely to see the stability that the children had that was obviously missing from when they were younger.

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Original poster

blossomhill · 21/09/2004 22:13

It was juts seeing the younger boy cry. he had such lovely eyes. Don't I'm welling up thinking about it!

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KangaMummy · 21/09/2004 22:18

We thought it was a lovely programme, when the little boys lip and chin started to quivver and then the tear.

A lovely family though and they had done a really good job giving them all such a togetherness as a family.

Jimjams · 21/09/2004 22:19

I really identified with an awful lot the mum was saying- especially at the end where she was talking about feelings as your SN children grow up. Also the bit about not being able to leave your children with others for safety reasons. The only person I can leave ds1 with is my mum. I don't trust him to be safe with anyone else.

Tom's outburts worried me a bit- as that's just how ds1 goes when he loses it, and strange though it may sound it hadn't actually occurred to me that he will be too strong for me to handle (and keep him and others safe) sometime in (not too distant) future. Seeing it in someone else was a bit of an eye opener, as for us it is normality- so I don't really think about it- when clearly seeing it in him it anywhere near normal. DS1 is very like Tom after the outburst as well- cuddles and sobs.

I found Deborah an inspiration and hope that ds2 (and touch wood ds3 will be NT as well) grows up as accepting of his brother and as kind to him as she was.

heartinthecountry · 21/09/2004 22:20

I cried too when the younger boy was being told off - mind you I cried at quite a lot of it, but because it was touching as well as sad. I thought the mother (and prob father but you didn't see much of him) were pretty amazing. Only thing I found slightly odd was that they had changed their names - though I wonder if that was because their former life was so awful rather than a 'controlling' thing as I thought it seemed at first.

I thought the sisters had a lovely relationship and felt really comforted that Deborah would obviously always look out for Tisha.

Have to say hats off to the beeb for making this series.

Heathcliffscathy · 21/09/2004 22:20

tamum, genuinely not sure. definitely didn't like the oldest girl very obviously scripted narration. in fact i think that she was the thing that disturbed me a bit...too grown up for her age after having to care for the younger ones. also very 'good eldest girl' but hints of simmering resentment???

like i say, dont' know.

filled with admiration but also i guess questions.

Thomcat · 21/09/2004 22:23

Oh no, I don't believe it, D made me watch documentary on Abba! Can't believe I had that rubbish on my telly when I could have seen that programme on mother and her children!
D's got on his new Star Wars DVD on now and actually just asked me if I could stop typing as the noise of the keys is upsetting him while he's trying to listen to star wars! OMG! I must regain control and put him back in his place!

discoinferno · 21/09/2004 22:24

iloved when she referred to them as living on planet happy.

heartinthecountry · 21/09/2004 22:27

I didn't really get that from Deborah sophable, the simmering resentment. It seemed to me that she was a young girl who was both a bit too grown up (as children who have had immense responsibility tend to be) and also really quite naive. But she seemed really accepting of her siblings and seemed to have quite 'normal' relationships with them e.g doing make-up with her sister, finding her younger brothers intensely irritating!

tamum · 21/09/2004 22:28

I see what you mean, sophable. I thought she was a lovely girl, but she definitely had the weight of the world on her shoulders. It must be really hard for her to strike the right balance, feeling so protective towards her sister even though she's older. She was just so sweet though when her sister asked her what sort of children she would adopt and she said "oh, learning disabled".

Thomcat, that's such a shame you missed it. I think at least one of the beautiful babies had Down's. You didn't see as much of the little ones, but there was a lovely shot early on of one of them in hysterics, laughing at the older girl mucking around

Dingle · 21/09/2004 22:30

OH TC, I missed it too. I'm in the dining room-still listening to Abba in the background. Just read out your comment to DH & regretting it now.I think DH has got ideas about Star Wars now, he's probably green with envy, only has them on video ATM.
What sort of SN did the kiddies have? Mind you if it was a bit tearful, might be just as well I missed it, it's been a long couple of weeks IYKWIM!

Heathcliffscathy · 21/09/2004 22:31

i loved tisha kissing one of the baby's hand in the back of the minivan at the end.

i missed the beginning of this, so maybe i've got it skewed.

am i right in thinking that the older four were siblings? and the other two not?

if so, maybe (and i'm sure controversially) i think that they should have left it at four? seems to me that all of them could do with more attention...hard enough with four?

Jimjams · 21/09/2004 22:31

But sophable when you have siblings with SN the ones without do have to grow up a bit tbh. Even in our family I rely on ds2 (who is only 2 and a half) to help his brother (age 5) and be sensible. For example even something simple like walking to the car- if we have something (small eg lunch box) that needs to be carried then ds2 carries it so I can cling onto ds1. I hold ds1's hand not ds2- and I insist that ds2 "walks nicely". Little things like that- but he does have to be like a big brother really as devlopmentally he is ahead of ds1.

Was talking about this with a friend yesterday- her dd (age 7) had kicked off and she was wrestling with her, and she commented on how helpful her ds (age 3) was as she could ask him to go and fetch things for her whilst she dealt with her dd.

DelGirl · 21/09/2004 22:34

Yes, the shot of her kissing the little one was lovely. It is nice that they have 2 younger ones but ikwym, they have enough to deal with with 4 but they seemed happy enough so that's all that matters really at the end of the day.

Heathcliffscathy · 21/09/2004 22:34

i totally see that jimjams, but there was something else...god i shouldn't have posted...i'm not clear why i felt sort of a bit disturbed...

sorry

tamum · 21/09/2004 22:35

That's how it seemed, but the two babies barely got a mention other than by the older girl as a safety issue. I think they must have had different birth parents from the older 4. I do see your point, the babies did seem to get a bit of a raw deal, but I suppose it just depends on whether people were queuing up to adopt them or not.

Dingle, 3 of the 4 older children had (apparently non-specific) learning disabilities, and I think one of the babies had DS, and maybe the other

Bunglie · 21/09/2004 22:39

I posted something on the MSBP Lost Mothers 3 thread, not realising that this was here, but I guess my comments are more specific about adoption than special needs. I also thought that one of the babies had DS as well.

Jimjams · 21/09/2004 22:41

No-one wants to adopt SN children. My friend has a pretty severely disabled 8 year old dd. She has just been approved to adopt a SN baby and is waiting for a placement. Because of her dd she was told she wouldn't be "passed" for NT children, but they jumped at giving her a SN child- and she was told often by the SW that basically she could choose her child as no-one wants SN- and that she was very rare as she said "yes" to all the questions everyone says "no" to. Personally I think that my friend is insane (I have told her that!) but then she says that SN is her normality and she thinks it will be easier to adopt another SN child rather than an NT one, and easier to strike a balance between her dd and the adopted child.

Also intereting what the mother said about SS not giving them the information and hiding the SN. My friend who adopted to dd's (one autistic- SS kept that quiet) said the same happened to them, and to other adopters they know.

Dingle · 21/09/2004 22:41

Aaaw..I've a head like a sieve..

Jimjams, so agree with siblings & SN. Although Ds is big brother to our SN dd, he has had to grow up really fast from the age of 2. He helps out, carries bits and bobs for me and I can really identify with the getting in the car scene.
If you were to compare ds to some 5 year olds, sometimes I feel like he's got the weight of the world on his little shoulders. I'm such a mean mum.

Original poster

blossomhill · 21/09/2004 22:41

Personally I feel that it can only be positive. 6 children now have the love and support from a family that love and care for them. You could see how happy they all were and how they kept cuddling the parents. Imagine if the 4 had been split up, how sad would that have been? There probably wouldn't have been many people prepared to take on 3 children with learning disabilities!

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