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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Anyone just watched the programme on BBC2 about the lady that adopted 5 sn children?

45 replies

blossomhill · 21/09/2004 22:06

I did and it was brilliant. What an amazing family. Some of it was really sad, especially when the younger boy (terrible with names) was crying after being told off for mucking about at school. The poor older 4 had all had a really rough time in there early years but this mum and dad really turned there lives around!

OP posts:

heartinthecountry · 21/09/2004 22:42

I think you have to remember that the film was edited in a certain way, to tell a certain story. It did give the impression the babies were left to their own devices a bit but if the others are all out at school I'm sure they got lots of attention then. Also, the dad was a stay-at-home-dad so I'm sure he had a much greater role than portrayed.

Think both the babies had Down's Syndrome but hard to tell. I thought it interesting that having not known 3 of the first 4 had learning disabilities when they adopted them, they had obviously made a conscious decision with the babies.

DelGirl · 21/09/2004 22:42

I think both of them had Downs. The eldest girl Tisha has SWAN, Syndrome Without A Name I think it meant

Bunglie · 21/09/2004 22:44

Blossomhill I agree100%

Jimjams · 21/09/2004 22:45

sophable - as for attention- I aksed my friend why SS would be happy for her to adopt a SN child and not NT given than a SN child needs more time and attention than an NT child. She had asked her SW the same thing- her SW told her most panel members have little clue about SN and assume that children with SN don't really notice much of what is going on so don't need so much attention.

At the end of the day though, I guess the reality is no-one wants SN.

I dont know that the babies got a raw deal- the documentary didn't really show what went on. The other 4 kids were at school all day and having 2 parents at home would have made life easier.

Jimjams · 21/09/2004 22:49

Ah just said the same as HITC. Also having 3 chuildren with SN (and being older) I very much doubt that they would have been allowed to adopt bany more children unless they had SN.

Dingle - my biggest nightmare about ds3 is how the hell I am going to get to the car without losing ds1 on the way!

DS2 is great though- he knows his brother can't talk and that he can and therefore he musn't mess with the PECS cards (bless him he does perfect sentence strips ).

Dingle · 21/09/2004 22:53

Oh Jimjams.Isn't it funny how they adapt- I suppose they don't really know of it any other way, it's just my guilt sometimes.

Jimjams · 21/09/2004 22:55

I feel more guilty about ds1 though. DS2 is so obviously fine and happy and loves his brother, and will grow up to do whatever he wants. DS1 does miss out from not having constant one to one. I guess his brother helps him in other ways though. If ds2 grows up as proud of ds1 as Deborah was of her siblings then I will be very happy tbh.

fio2 · 22/09/2004 06:49

It was a lovely documentary. Tisha reminded me so much of my daughter, i cant put my finger on it but she did. Even dh commented on it. He said she was like a 'future' dd, it was really strange watching it. The Mother was to be commended and the father, although you didnt see much of him.

Deborah reminded me of myself tbh when I was younger, even though my sister was NT chronically ill. I was always feircely protective of her and can only imagine it is the same if your siblings have development problems.

Jimjams you are right about the adoption thing. My Mum gets letters asking her to adopt children with CF. Fostering CVF children is featured in the CF paper too as no-one wants to adopt children like this My friend is currently trying to adopt (she cant have children through the normal route) and she has agreed to have a child with SN, dont know whether I would have chosen to myself though if I am honest

fio2 · 22/09/2004 06:50

sorry about all the typos this is what happens when you have a SN child, you are up half the night trying to settle them, then get up mega early with only half your brain functioning!

heartinthecountry · 22/09/2004 10:10

I had similar feelings about Tisha and my dd Fio2. Although I think Tisha was probably more high-functioning than dd will be. I think there was just a sweetness and gentleness about her but with a sense determination that reminded me of my dd. Also you got the impression that she was quite a character at her school, with a really engaging personality and I think dd is showing signs she will be like that.

Or maybe I just hope my dd will be as lovely as Tisha .

Mirage · 22/09/2004 19:14

I watched this programme with dh & we both commented afterwards about what a lovely family they were.Those babies were so cute too-we both sat there ahhhing at them.

Incidentally,my mum used to foster in the 1960's & she said that SS never told her if the children she would be caring for had special needs(not that it would have been a problem,as my uncle is SN.)But these poor kids were just dumped on foster parents who had no idea of what to expect or what the childs background was.I was shocked that this still happens.

bran · 23/09/2004 18:04

I'm sorry I missed this programme. The woman (Christina?) posts on an adoption message board that I use, and she's really lovely. She did put a message up saying that it would be on, but I didn't see it until it was too late . Perhaps it'll be repeated soon.

Chocol8 · 23/09/2004 18:58

When the little boy had the tantrum, I thought from the noise it was going to be alot worse than it was. I know his father was restraining him, but I am unable to do that with my ds when he blows. I am not a weak person, but my ds shows the strength of double his age and always has done. It really doesn't pay to restrain him - for both of us!

I think Tamum is right about the two youngest having DS, though you didn't see much of them.

Jimjams - totally relate to the safety issue of others looking after my ds too. People do suggest that I am being over cautious, but these are people who have not seen ds during a meltdown and haven't got bleeding ears from the noise.

Thomcat and Bran - I do have it on video - (after missing Children with a Difference). Two probs: 1 I think I missed the very beginning of it, and 2 I was just rewinding the video earlier so I didn't tape over it and the bloody thing just shut down completely. It refuses to work now and I have changed the fuse, but it's dead, with the video stuck inside it. Great. Any suggestions gratefully accepted. x

SecondhandRose · 23/09/2004 19:46

We saw it too. Our main thoughts at the end were that no doubt Debra will end up with the worries of the whole family as her parents get older. Both babies had Downs.

I was itching to get my scissors out as they were all quite desperate for a haircut!

I wondered if it's possible for Tom to control his aggression (ie know when it's coming and perhaps practice controlled breathing). He was nearly 12 (as Debra had her 13 birthday during the show). Sad to see the only way it's dealt with is by giving him drugs.

Wonder what happened to the real mother. She's obviously not about as there was no worry showing what school they went to.

Jimjams · 23/09/2004 20:36

Lots of children with SN can't tolerate haircuts very easily. If you give ds1 a haircut he does a Tom- so its a bit of a palavar- would probably have done it for TV though I guess.

If Tom is anything like DS1 then no the agrression cannot be controlled. At the moment one real flashpoint for ds1 is traffic lights. He knows where they are, he understands that we have to stop when a light is red, but if we stop too long he will just lose it- hitting himself, whacking his head on the window- and the new favourite attacking ds2. Very difficult for all concerned as I can't reach him to stop him getting ds2.

Jimjams · 23/09/2004 20:38

chocol8 I sympathise- I can't really restrain ds1 any more either when he blows. He's quite capable of pulling me over. All I can do really is try an make sure that he is safe, and keep ds2 out of the way.

bran · 23/09/2004 20:49

SHR, you mean his birth mother, that was his real mother in the programme. (Honestly, one little adoption traing course and now I'm on a mission to educate the whole world )

Mirage · 23/09/2004 20:56

Just seen a message from Christina (the mum) on another board I visit.She lost her babies to ectopic pregnancy.

Original poster

blossomhill · 23/09/2004 21:04

Mirage

If you don't mind I would be interested in reading it. What site was it on?

OP posts:

Mirage · 23/09/2004 21:26

Hi Blossomhill,

No problem {smile}.I'm no good at doing links,but it was on the Etopic Pregnancy Trusts website message board,under the thread name,Friendship comfort & support after ectopic pregnancy.The message is simply entitled 'Christina'.

www.ectopic.org

HTH
Mirage

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