I know I have a tendancy to over react so can you tell me please if

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you would describe a person who has downs syndrome as being mentally disabled.
I felt no and so did ds but am now wondering if as usual I have got it wrong. thanks (2shoes)

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To be fair, in the medical literature it's very important to have terms to decsribe different degrees of conditions, so sometimes "severely mentally retarded", however unpleasant a term, is used because it conveys accurately the idea of a very profound disability in a way that learning disability doesn't. I guess people assume that it won't be seen as offensive because it's not describing a named or identifiable individual, ever. It must be difficult to switch between terms you would use in a paper and terms you would use to a family, I guess, but terribly important. Sorry, I'm rambling a bit.

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I completely agree tamum and I think most dr's are very careful that they do switch between these words and terms

sld means severe learning disabilities and pmld means profound and multiple learning disabilities

Phew thanks Fio

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SLD - severe learning disability
PMLD - profound and multiple disabilities

I know - it's very difficult to find the right words sometimes. I think learning disabilty/ difficulties (or any other suitable word) are such a huge spectrum. I just started to type something about normal distribution curves, and then deleted it out as I was sounding a geek

I think I've learnt a fair bit about what a minefield it is since having dd. If nothing else, I've realised how easy it is to offend someone without even meaning to (e.g. recently friends of ours asked 'will she go to school?)

heck - I can't keep up

Oh god chonky, how unbelievably crass

will she go to school!! my god

Will she go to school?

ffs, chonky. Sometimes I am truly scared by how ignorant some people are. It's just stunningly crass that someone could genuinely ask you that.

I think of learning difficulties as being something quite specific- e.g. dyslexia or schoolworky type stuff, but with an ability to live independently etc. I think of learning disabilities as applying to someone who would in the past have been described as 'mentally retarded' (awful words, although I know the medical literature uses it in a specific way- same as 'abortion' meaning a miscarriage).

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I am less offended by terminology & more by the sentiment or intent of the person.
Sometimes people don't know what to say & as the others have said its a minefield!
I find medical terminology can be very un pc but generally I don't mind - I know with ds2's paed who is in her late 50's & straight talking I am left with no misunderstanding.
The young hospital consultant, very nice, very pc but i have come out of more than one appnt none the wiser after he's spent ages fudging around the issue.

PMSL mymate at being left confused by indirect talking. DH is like that, he always leaves people confused. I remember getting back once to find him and ds1 sat at a picnic table with a woman looking very confused and occaisonally trying to engage ds1. I asked him what he'd said to her and he said that he'd told her 'oh he doesn't talk much'. WTF??? He can't talk at all doesn;t talk much sound slike he's choosing to keep quiet. No wonder the poor woman looked confused.

I agree motherfunk, sometimes I wish people would say anything at all- DS3 is the only child in his nursery class with SN 9actually thats not rue I found out one ahs dyspraxia in the week, I syhould say realtively severe SN) and when they disucss school- and what else would they discuss atm- they turn their bcks on me and seem embarassed. AS I don't get to meet the parents in ds1 and ds2's classes (as I am outside nursery, we have to collect there first) it makes for a lonely time

Actually one of the positives about SN education Dh and I were discussing was that we might not feel so isolated

Is ay doesn't talk much, but becuase although he has zilch useful langauge he can come our words or echolalic stuff, and then its always just after I said he's not tlaking and I feel ike a fruad

Oh gess poor lady (&your dh)some people just find it uncomfortable to say it how it is, my dh is very much like that.
I never know if I should correct dh when he comes out with similar statements or just let him plod on in his little bubble world.

Dh is getting better! Years of me bagging - just say it 'he's autistic'. DH says that the reason he hates saying it is because he thinks people will pity him/ds1 or it will change the way they view ds1 and that's not fair as ds1 is lovely.

I on the other hand think it will change the way that they view ds1 which is good because he can't begin to behave like an 8 year old. TBH it was more of an issue when he was little and half blended in, I now don't say much figuring that if people are so stupid they can't see that something is up then they don't deserve an explanation!

or I say 'he can't talk' which given his age tells them enough.

gess can I pull you here ask if you know about the imaginative play test she used, and if really si OK or as I thought? ta

Have read thread quickly. Finding the 'correct' terminology is so confusing. And so adult to classify people like this.

Have heard dc say. "No mummy she [a friend] is not 'black', she is 'brown'."
And always describe SN friends by who they are first, and sometimes what they can and can't do or the different way in which they do things. Never by these crude PC names!

sorry 'friends with SN' to be polite.