Reception auties 2018/19 - thread 2

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thanks to LightTripper for the thread title. This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of dc with autism in their reception year at school. Please join us if you can or, if you have dc due to start reception in 2019, feel free to drop by and ask us questions.

Thread 1

Sorry I haven't posted for a while - life and work have very much been in the way (though I have kept lurking).

DS is up and excited and singing carols with local bus numbers/destinations included!

Wishing all of us and our wonderful DC a very Merry Christmas!

Oh what a star danni0509 you must be so proud! It's times like this that you see how far they've come.

We made it to carol singing and though DS was distracted by the end. We would never have even attempted it last year.

We have a floor full of aeroplanes too! His true passion is doors though, my friend got him a campervan but the door is a bit dodgy and so we’ve had tantrums and now have had to hide it trying to ignore his random comments and a mysterious campervan...sigh

Beautiful spider Dani!

Interesting how many of our kids were behind on motor skills. DD didn't walk until 21 months (and didn't even pull to stand until about 19 I think). I had no idea at the time that could be an autism thing.

DD is 4.5 so kind of mid range of ages for her class. I think if you just observed you'd assume she was younger, except she is one of the tallest.

DD had a lovely Christmas. Totally knackered (slept in until nearly 9 yesterday!!! Sadly DS didn't...) But had a great time and seemed happy with her presents.

Sounds like everyone has had a great time. Hope the rest of the break is just as good! I have to say it's been lovely being with loads of family but I'm also looko g forward to having a few more normal family days!

Sue adding bus numbers to the carols seems very creative.

We have had a lovely time and apart from toileting accidents my boy seems to have coped really well.

Feeling a bit apprehensive now as tomorrow we're off to a holiday cottage for a week with my Mum, sister and her kids. Her 3 all have SN too so there'll be 4 SN children under one roof with three adults who all have rather different approaches. We're also going to have to interrupt the holiday for my boy's grommets op which was scheduled after the holiday was booked. I'm trying to remember why this once seemed like a great idea....

That's great Danni, you must be very proud of him.

Hi Sue! Love the bus numbers.

Jeb it's so frustrating when things don't work in the way they are supposed to. We have had to subtly remove many a toy in the past.

Glad you had such a nice Christmas light hope you have some more restful days now.

Good luck with the holiday dimples. I hope the operation goes well too. Not the ideal time but hopefully it will make life better for your ds once it's done.

We're still with PIL. Generally it's been lovely to be around family and friends. Ds flooded the sitting room on Christmas Eve and smashed the brand new tV on Christmas Day. I feel very lucky to have very understanding and kind PILs! They also very sensibly took out the maximum insurance on the TV as he smashed my mum's last year !

Otherwise we've only had a couple of meltdowns, which we've managed to sort out quite quickly with endless episodes of Bob the train! We've also discovered a new lobe of pulling crackers.

@livpotter ds smashed mine in September!

He threw a playmobil toy at the new one recently and I genuinely didn't dare check it!

The first tv he smashed he pulled it off the stand it was in thousands of bits on the floor so the new one got put up on the wall.

Does your ds generally break things? My ds does. He is very destructive.

He looks for trouble most of the time.

Danni last year he used spider man to bash my mum's Tv, he then smashed our tv with a toy about 2 months later. This year he bashed PIL's Tv with a piece of wood. thank goodness for insurance!

He not intentionally destructive, just when he is overwhelmed he throws/bashes things. He used to head bang very violently, so although he is now more destructive, I feel in a way it's progress!

My DS loves throwing things - fortunately only one telly broken so far ...

Glad that you have understanding PILs

Happy New Year everyone, I hope you are all well and are enjoying the holiday. I’m feeling excited about this year; it seems full of promise. Last year we were still reeling a bit from ds’s diagnosis just before Christmas, even though we were expecting it. 2019 feels like it was a year of learning more about autism and how it affects ds, doing courses, finding professionals, going to groups and applying for EHCP/planning for school. Hopefully this year we can continue to learn (obviously, I don’t think that will ever end) but also consolidate and use what we already know.

There are some areas that I want to work on, resolutions if you like, such as:

• cutting down screen time - starting today. I’ve downloaded Calmer, Easier, Happier Screen Time. It promises some good tips, we’ll see how effective they are with ASC ds. Cutting down my own screen time is also part of this.
• getting him to practice school activities at home using first/then, rewards etc.
• doing more activities at home with him. He often isn’t interested which is why I tend to give up but I must keep trying.

Happy new year everyone!

Really great to hear such a positive post to start the new year with. I’m hopeful too as I see little improvements all the time in ds. I think as well now that I’ve got my head around the “is he isn’t he?” Question I notice that I’m no longer analysing all his behaviours to work out whether it’s part of an ASD and now I’m just enjoying the wonderful quirks that he has that makes him so unique. Currently I am enjoying:

1. The way he’ll say “hallo hallo hallo” (think comedy cockney cop - we live up north, it’s a line from peppa pig) to complete strangers as we’re out and about - he has yet to fail make the glummest person smile.
2. His perfect recitations of his entire kipper book collection at 4am whilst lying in bed
3. When he asks complete strangers very obvious questions, e.g grumpy man on the bus wearing a hat “hello mr man, are you wearing a hat?” He’ll often end a meeting with a stranger “oh, that was nice to see the lovely lady” even if they’ve been the grumpiest person ever.

As for resolutions? I think I need to continue to let go of what I thought parenting would be (I was sat in ds’s tent earlier and he asked “but where are we going?” - another chunked phrase from peppa pig which normally indicates he’s unsure of things. I suggested that we fly to the moon, or dive down to the bottom of the sea.... “er no thanks mummy”.... I guess those kind of imaginary adventures aren’t really his bag. I need to focus more on what brings him joy and helping to adapt those things to help him learn about life.

I think helping him practise skills for school is a great idea, anything that will relieve the pressure on him there will help.

What’s everyone else’s resolutions?

2018 was blooming hard work with ds behaviour and by the looks of this morning 2019 is going to be the same!! but I was thinking last night we did achieve a fair bit in 2018.

got ds out of his pushchair, got rid of his dummy which he used for bed, got rid of his highchair, he started school, we got his EHCP, he had his operation which I was worried about, he's continued to make progress with his development, i stopped smoking and I passed my driving test.

2019
I want to get ds out of nappies he's 5 in a fortnight and still wears them full time. All my attempts in 2018 and 2017 failed so I'm determined to make sure it's successful this year, he has 10 days off in February for half term so I'll try again then, I have a few days now before he goes back but he is being 'difficult' at the minute and if I say left he has to go right so I don't hold out much hope for it working right now.

I want to work on ds compliance & his defiance (as above!) he doesn't do a thing I say unless bribed to the high heavens.

I want to stop moaning so much, it's not so much I moan to ds which I do but it's when he's in bed I moan to my dh or my mum about how difficult he's been during the day, it's routine now, my mum phones and will say what's happened today then? it's a given that I'm going to moan to her, I'm stuck in that negative head space and I want to stop that.

Less screen time for me. Ds wont entertain iPad or tv sadly but I'm guilty of being stuck to my phone every evening when he's asleep usually googling things such as how to control my 4 year old

I want to lose some weight & although I've passed my driving test I only drive set routes and everything has to be predictable ds traits rubbing off on me I think! So I want to get a bit more confident with the driving.

And I'm sure there is plenty more I want to achieve but those are the main things.

Happy new year to you all! X

I spoke too soon of positivity - just atttempted national trust with ds and ended up dragging him out having a meltdown. He actually managed to bite the top of my scalp - how is that even possible?!

Bloody hell @Jeb86 bless you! hard work!

Ds bit me on my shoulder before and made my skin bleed! Bloody hurts being bit!

Jeb and danni excellent positives from last year, you should be very proud.

danni regarding the call to your Mum. It’s good to be able to vent a bit; it can be hard work parenting a a sn child. Maybe try and sandwich it. Start with telling her all the positives from your day, then move onto the more challenging aspects and finish on something positive you want to do or try and achieve the next day. Just a thought anyway.

Jeb I hope the bite is not too bad. It’s rough when a lovely day out ends like that. We’ve had a number of times where we’ve had to carry ds off and then have him kick off in the car to boot as he didn’t want to leave. You have my sympathies. Ds also went through a couple of biting phases at about 18 months and again around 2. It was pretty unpleasant. Luckily only us but I had awful bruises on my arms a number of times from that and pinching.

Sounds like lots of progress in 2018! We had a good year too I think (partly because 2017 was so so hard, 2018 had to be better by comparison). But the big thing was DD starting school and loving it, which was our biggest worry going into 2018.

Now I'm worried about her new teacher (her old teacher left at Christmas), how she will manage friendships/playground stuff as the kids are all getting more sophisticated and I feel like I can start to see little "cliques" emerging... but I think there will always be something to worry about so you just have to try to pack it away and focus on the here and now. Our big thing at the moment is independence in morning and bedtime routines. She can do most things for herself but she gets very distracted and I am bad at doing things for her just to hurry things along, which does her no favours in the long term.

Otherwise all is well. DS learned 2 new words over the holidays so probably has about 15 now. It's still not many (given he's 2 in March) but I think it's OK. DD must have had a couple of hundred by this age but they were nearly all nouns and only used to label things in books, whereas DS's include a bunch of verbs, and he also points in his mouth to tell us he's hungry, or does a little dance when he wants to watch Paw Patrol (yes, it's as cute as that sounds), so he is definitely more of a communicator even if he has a lot less language. When I manage to keep my worries in check it is fascinating to see how differently they all develop and all the diverse ways there are to tackle the same challenges. It's wonderful really.

Happy new year everyone! Yes definitely lots of progress made and lovely to hear how far everyone has come.

This year ds has started communicating better, less meltdowns, I actually can't remember the last time he head banged, his language has come on massively, he's learnt makaton and he appears to have settled into school. In 2017 I wasn't even sure whether to send him to mainstream school.

I'm going to try not to lose my temper and be more patient this year, it should be easier once dd starts full time nursery and I get a bit more time to myself. It's been very childcare heavy this year. I'm going on a 12 week course on family's and communities dealing with disabilities starting next week so hopefully that should help and give me something to focus on.

Jeb I hope your head is ok now!

Light great about ds, my dd had about the same amount of words at 2 and has made huge leaps with language since she turned 3.

Open I agree about doing more work at home! I think it's such an effort on top of everything else but it will be worth it. Let us know if the TV book is worth it.

Happy New Year!

We're off to a great start after a successful grommets op today. Could not get over how patient my boy was - we were waiting for four hours before going to theatre and was surrounded by children eating whilst he was nil by mouth. He kept asking for food but did not get upset.

I'm hoping to focus on the positives this year - I am going to pinch someone else's idea of writing down the highlights and putting them in a jar to read at the end of the year (or at low points).

Jeb my son's interactions with strangers sound similar to yours. He's always asking questions that he knows the answer to, e.g. to a lady with a pram, 'Where's your baby?'.

Happy New year everyone.

dimples that's great on the grommets op, sounds like your ds did really well

Ds has been sleeping better over the last couple of days. I'm not sure why, might be because he's not stressed about school at the moment. Christmas was good although I had to explain several times to please not get out the slime/playdoh/water beads while ds is around as he will eat it. I'm getting fed up of having that same conversation. The nightly advent calendar meltdown stopped on 30th December thank goodness.

My new years resolutions are lose weight, get my paperwork organised, try to stop being jealous of parents of nt children and to be more confident with taking ds out.

Happy new year everyone. I hope you've all managed to gave some lovely downtime with your children.

We are back to school on Friday and I'm steeling myself for a difficult morning. DD has already stated that she doesn't want to go back. Surely this term can't be as hard as the last.

Light we have the same issues here regarding independence. Ds is capable but often gets distracted or just won’t so I do it for him. I’m not sure how to get round that on a school day when we need to be out. It’s easier on the weekend where we might be going somewhere he’s keen on. You are right, too, about enjoying the here and now. There is always something to worry about but that should not distract or overwhelm so much that we don’t enjoy our dc (easier said than done sometimes).

Liv I haven’t got much further with the book yet though I did get to the part which advocates 30 minutes total of screen time per day from the ages 4 or 5 to 8. That made me snort a bit. I haven’t got to any techniques yet but I’ve been setting a 30 minute timer for ds’s iPad use and so far he’s complying and turns it off himself. We’ve stopped using the iPad at meal times. It means he doesn’t sit at the table and keeps up and down or leaves and doesn’t come back (hence the increasing use of iPad to prevent this...) but we either need to come up with other strategies or live with it.

dimples so glad the grommets op went well, it must be a relief. What a star your ds is.

ellie glad sleeping has improved, I’m sure they do relax a bit more over the holidays. Ds gave us a few 6/6:30 days (rare here) before reverting to 5 with a 4:30 thrown in. Today was 5:30 so not too bad.

Choccy I hope school goes ok today. Lots back today in our area but ds not back until Monday. I hope this term is easier for you. Fingers crossed.

It’s ds’s 5th birthday this weekend. How did that happen? Lots to do in preparation as we are having a large-ish family party for him. I need to take all the Christmas decorations down today, clear up the resulting mess and try and find homes for all the toys before we get more of them

Great about the operation dimples, well done to your ds!

Hope school is going well today choccy.

Open I think we are lucky if we have 30mins screen free! Glad the timer is working well for you. Apparently in the new update for iPads you can set time limits on all the apps. I'm considering doing this but last time. We set a volume limiter the iPad got smashed!

Ds is back at school next week, he's still part time but his hours are slowly increasing each week from next week.

He hasn't been going to sleep till 9.30/10pm so I'm taking him out shortly for a walk to the beach we only live 10 mins walk from the beach, we usually go in the car and walk for 30 mins up the beach and back home, it's all I can manage with him, we do usually try walk a lot longer in the summer.

but he is so difficult to manage out the house and needs 2 people on him when out ideally, dh is at work so I'm braving it on my own with him today bcos I'm trying to tire him out walking him for an hour and half before tea and bath in the hope he settles before 8pm.

Regarding the iPad thing. I would love ds to sit on an iPad even for 10 mins but he won't entertain one or the tv, I try but he's not interested at all he can't keep still long enough.

@dimples76 pleased the operation went well!

@Jeb86 how's the scalp?