There She Goes - new series with SN child **Thread title edited by MNHQ**

[WonderBoy]

I've just spotted this:

There She Goes
BBC4 10pm - 10.30pm
First of a 5-part series, starting today - 16.10.18.
1/5 - One Day in the Life of Rosie Yates: It's a typical Saturday for 9-year old Rosie, who has a severe learning disability.

I'll be watching - if possible! Anyone joining me?

[WonderBoy]

A few pps have mentioned getting the impression that Rosie had been dropped into the family almost, and there's been surprise expressed too about communication aids like photos not already being in place. I found this really interesting reading as I hadn't seen it like that.

I felt Rosie was very much part of the family, but Emily and Simon hadn't been parents of a child with SLD before, only a NT one. They are having to learn as they go along like many of us, almost having to reinvent the wheel or rewrite the manual of all they knew about parenthood. Like most people, they had probably had little or no contact with a child like Rosie before. Almost every day we are learning so much, so much is different, so much is hidden - much more than with our NT children.

For me, while I agree it could be poetic licence to educate viewers, I wasn't surprised about the photos at 9. There isn't always help out there for all parents about what to try, and many parents are left largely to muddle through and work things out for themselves. For children at school, there isn't always good communication between school and parents, about what is being used at school and why, and how or whether to transfer this over into the home. For me the photo situation highlights the lack of help for many families, the lack of 'joined up writing' between different services and parents, and the feeling of needing to run to keep up.

[SleepySofa]

I like to think that if the dad did try it on with his mate, she'd chin him one!

[ALemonyPea]

Bit late to this thread, but have been watching since the start.

Seeing Bens reaction to having fun times stopped because of Rosie really touches a nerve as my DC have had that happen a few times when DS2 doesn't like somewhere and has a meltdown. A particular hard one was going to Alton Towers, walking through the gates and DA2 declaring he wanted to go home. Took me 4 hours to pursuade him to go on something. He is very obsessed with theme parks, so no idea what set him off that day. While I took his brothers in a different ride, he was with DH sobbing, and stopped a park attendant to ask where I was "where's my mam". DH was asked if DS2 was his child, luckily he had his phone with him with photos of DS2 on.

DS2 was 7 before he had his hair cut. His barber is an amazingly patient man and now DS2 goes willingly aged 13.

Last weeks episode about the baby group brought back lots of horrible memories of toddler groups where parents would pull their DC away from DS2. He didn't speak until he was 5, sentences around age 8, so used to roar like a dinosaur to say hello. Most toddlers did it back to him, none were ever upset. It was more the parents attitude.

[GoldenGumballs]

Hello all I enjoyed this weeks especially the eureka moment when they realised what Rosie was on about. The lows are low but the highs are so high .
Why did David Tennant have his T-shirt on swimming? Finding it difficult to like his character but it’s a good portrayal as I know a Dad who still wouldn’t acknowledge their child’s diagnosis even tho child now an adult!

[AamdC]

Sometimes we take the kids out seperatly so. ds1 doesnt miss out it can be hard to predict how an outing is going to go sometimes everything s fine and other times disastrous, my mum and dad paid for xmas day lunch out a couple of years ago , it was a nightmare , sensory overload with , the noise, music etc , i ended up taking him back to my parents house(they only lived a ten minite walk away so everyone else could eat their meal .

[hazeyjane]

Dh wears his t-shirt swimming, otherwise koala boy uses his chest hair as some sort of climbing apparatus. Fortunately I have boobs to use as leverage. Although this can lead to some unfortunate flashing moments.

[tumbletastic]

I loved the fact that it showed the unflattering side of things, people staring, rudely trying to discipline your child whilst physically stood next to them. The cunning and intelligence of a child with learning difficulty.
We have a DD with profound learning disabilities and a very severe and refractory epilepsy. She is 9 like the character and was non verbal for the first 5 years. Can relate to much

[WonderBoy]

Just a note that Episode 3 is being repeated tonight on BBC4 at 10.35pm. It's apparently the usual repeat slot for it.

[WonderBoy]

Morning everyone
A reminder that episode 4 of There She Goes is on BBC4 tonight at 10pm:

The Wrong Grandad
Simon's mum and step-dad want to take Ben to Devon for 3 weeks, which causes Emily and Simon to wonder why they are not willing to take Rosie.

(Answers on a postcard please )

[WonderBoy]

Starting in an hour

Depending on how things are going here, I'm hoping to be on this thread afterwards, if anyone else is free and would like to chat.

[EggysMom]

I've only just watched last week's 'swimming' episode (that sums up my life, too busy and running a week behind!) and one thing that strikes me is the family's unwillingness to explain their daughter's behaviour - she's now 9 and the dad is still unsure what to say. I've become very accustomed to parroting "special needs" at people who look bemused by our son's behaviour, DH prefers to say "he's autistic" (understatement), but after nine years there's no embarrassment about saying it, we're pretty matter of fact.

I presume the dad's unsupportive behaviour and drinking in the flashbacks is based on the writer's real life. It's annoying but possibly autobiographical.

[hazeyjane]

In a case of classic timing.....just as tonight's episode was about to start....I'm upstairs with Hazeyboy who woke up shouting. My rum is waiting for me downstairs....sob.

[3out]

Laughed my head off at the opening scene!

I’m wanting to hit the grandparents though.

[WonderBoy]

Possibly the best and most difficult to watch episode tonight. Mum's emotions really hit the spot at times - brilliantly played by JH, and everyone in fact.

[3out]

I was won round by the end (I was worried something awful was going to happen though, like fall down the stairs, or grandad lose his temper and hit her. Glad to be wrong!)
Lovely ending

[WonderBoy]

Sorry you missed it, hazey - typical timing! I've been amazed that I've managed to watch it so far - it's a miracle! - partly to do with WB being wide awake as usual at this time, and luckily content to watch DVDs for half an hour. I hope HB is ok, and that you get your rum and to watch it on catch up very soon.

[WonderBoy]

Yes, I'm always fearing the worst too, 3out - it must be life here! The scissors, the lack of a stairgate, was Rosie going to have a meltdown and hurt granny because her routine was being messed around with? It's always good to be proved wrong in these instances, isn't it?

[WonderBoy]

The grandparents showed really well all the awful, insensitive or mean-well things that people do and say. I wanted to throttle grandad on the bench about the only child nonsense, and in the kitchen asking about playdates and respite. My main bugbear is when people ask what's going to happen to WB when 'something' happens to me. What, do you mean when I get sent to prison for hitting you over your insensitive head with a cast iron skillet?!

And grandad does a bit of DIY and they manage to (sort of) care for Rosie for one short evening - but they've really got no idea what it's like to do it day in, day out, year in, year out. There was realisation from grandma what a herculean task it is though, when she admitted she was scared that she couldn't keep Rosie safe on holiday.

Also brilliantly done in the flashback when grandad gave Simon some home truths, and showed such care for Emily too.

I needed a double gin to get through the 2006 parts tonight. Very well written and acted.

[MumUnderTheMoon]

The dad not knowing what to say is an interesting little quirk in the show given Rosie's age though I assume it's been used as a device to bring home to us that they that they have no diagnosis for Rosie. I actually really don't like any of the phrases used even the supposed acceptable one. I prefer to use the phrase "additional needs" myself as I don't like "special needs" either.

[WonderBoy]

I wondered too, Mum, if it's to get across the absolute truth that all sorts of people become parents of children with disabilities? For want of a better expression, 'it can happen to anyone' - to the nice and the nasty, the pc and non-pc, and absolutely everyone inbetween. Some people have the impression we're all either devoted martyrs, specially chosen by God, or otherwise something very much at the other end of the scale. In reality, we're just anybody and everybody. Simon is there - he isn't perfect, he's sometimes selfish and non-pc, and floundering. Many of us can identify with that to some extent, even years after our DCs are 9.

We use the term 'severely disabled' to explain. It gets our own situation across as clear as a bell, which is usually what's been needed at the time!

[AamdC]

I dont really like additional needs as i dont think its enough ti explain the severity of ds2 disabillities it covers such a huge range ds1 has additional needs as he struggles academically and was on the SEN register at primary school but his educational needs are in no way comparable to ds2 , ds1 will be able to work, live independently etc , ds2 will not .

[Justgivemeasoddingname]

I've missed the last 2 episodes- does anyone know if it's available anywhere? It's not on my catch up on sky.

[GoldenGumballs]

Hi all don’t you think it’s weird calling this drama a comedy as tho it’s contrived for laughs! Must admit my life is strangely comical . I like the fact the Dad doesn’t know what label to use as I struggled with this & still do! I’ve had 18 years to get it right & still not PC! Loved the crisp cupboard I had a jaffacake cupboard.

[Sleepyblueocean]

My son has autism and sld and I usually say he has severe learning disabilities or is severely disabled. I think it explains the ever present behaviours better to other people although many of them are coping behaviours due to his autism. It avoids the 'autism is just bad behaviour' or 'it doesn't mean he can't understand' type comments.

He is much more like Rosie than the A word child.
I don't use additional needs because many of his needs are different rather than additional.

[WonderBoy]

For Just and others who have missed the series or episodes so far, it's repeated on Sunday nights on BBC4 and is available on BBC iPlayer.