There She Goes - new series with SN child **Thread title edited by MNHQ**

[WonderBoy]

I've just spotted this:

There She Goes
BBC4 10pm - 10.30pm
First of a 5-part series, starting today - 16.10.18.
1/5 - One Day in the Life of Rosie Yates: It's a typical Saturday for 9-year old Rosie, who has a severe learning disability.

I'll be watching - if possible! Anyone joining me?

[WonderBoy]

Oh dear, Aam! When WB was younger, and we used to go out in public more often, it used to happen that much despite my best efforts, that I used to budget for it. I became quite skilled at explaining, apologising, offering and buying people replacements. Some were never understanding, amused or placated unfortunately, whatever my charm offensive. It was an icebreaker with some really lovely people though too.

People's faces.
He is fast.

[SleepySofa]

It was the bits at the baby rhyme time sessions. I remember enrolling DS into baby sensory classes and sitting there wondering why he wasn’t reacting like the other babies. I feel a fraud sometimes because he’s actually pretty ok now - he has a chromosome abnormality but he’s not nearly as badly affected as lots of children, though they can’t say how he’ll develop... but this bits really hit home.

[WonderBoy]

You're not a fraud, Sleepy. All our DCs are affected in different ways and to different extents. I don't think any of us knew, or even can know now, how things will pan out for our DCs - neither can the professionals. Certainly here we've been on a roller-coaster of how things were likely to be - some things were right, some wrong, some much better, some much worse. I don't think many of us will forget those early days - years? - of shock, worry, difference, isolation and even a process of bereavement for the life and DC we thought we'd have. I think they're showing it well in There She Goes, in scenes like the Baby Group and by the cot.

[EggysMom]

Sorry, late to the discussion as I've only just watched this week's episode.

I didn't do the baby groups, our son went from NICU to a deafness diagnosis to epilepsy, I just didn't feel it was ever right to take him to a group with non-disabled children. I still have moments even now where I struggle with comparisons; my work colleagues have younger children who are talking and growing up and understanding the world, whereas I'm stuck in the seemingly permanent limbo world of a toddler.

My "WTF" moment of this week's episode was the parents leaving the girl unattended in the bath, even if it did become deliberate to test her sneakiness. I still dare not leave our 9yo son in the bath - he could turn on the stupidly hot tap, he could splash all the water on the floor, he could decide to find out whether he can breathe underwater Am I the only one?

[SleepySofa]

@WonderBoy, thanks, that’s very kind :)


@EggysMom, I thought that too! When she was turning the shower on, I was worrying she’d get scalded.

[SleepySofa]

And it really annoyed me that the dad still seems to be a fuckwit. I could understand it when Rosie was tiny and it was all new, but he was still constantly trying to shirk in the sections where she’s older. I have always been very firm with DP about sharing the workload - I definitely have the majority of the mental burden but he does as much actual care.

[WonderBoy]

Ah that's nice, Aam. WB still sits of my knee when it suits him, even though he's as tall as me now. It's coming to the stage of me needing to sit on his knee instead (!), but his muscles and joints aren't great, never mind the sensory overload of such a changearound.

I was thinking about your post this morning. It seems obvious to me too that Mum loves Rosie now, and that it's much more than duty making her care for her. It really is a journey that we're all on to some degree or other of love and acceptance. Sometimes the love comes despite the hardships, sometimes because of them. I also think your comparisons are completely normal. I find it impossible not to. You're right though, we can't and shouldn't do too much what iffing because it doesn't change anything, and we risk it sucking away the joy we really do have.

[hazeyjane]

Ok I have been utterly bamboozled by too many threads!

I am backing gently away from the thread I started as it got unfortunately arsey and I posted on another thread earlier thinking it was this one!

I have had 2 glasses of wine tonight as it was dh and I's wedding anniversary and my mum came to babysit so we could go for a meal (home by 9 though to ds in our bed watching the iPad.. ..that's how rock and roll we are!) So I will just copy and paste my post from other thread before I ramble on too much

Well, watched it today on catch up

Oof, the bit in the library was like going back in time to the baby massage class I took ds to. The woman said, 'oh Hazeyboy will be too wriggly and trying to crawl away at that age, this class is for younger babies' we went anyway (out of desperation...I thought the massage might help with ds's constant screaming at night) and I remember this crushing feeling as all the babies that were months younger than ds wriggled and smiled and tried to flip over and ds just lay there, staring into space.

Wish ds would enjoy baths as much as Rosie.....they are a rare occurrence here as he hated them so much, watching them try to wrestle Rosie out of the bath was familiar though - when we do get Hazeyboy in the bath it's like wrestling an angry soapy tiger!

[hazeyjane]

And sleepy, my ds has complex needs but doesn't have severe learning disabilities, I hope we are both welcome here!

[livpotter]

Another one here, my ds has complex needs but not a severe learning disability.

I agree about how the dad behaves, it makes me sad that JH's character just seems to take him constantly avoiding getting involved. DH would get an earful if he behaved like that.

wrestling an angry soapy tiger!

Is a brilliant analogy! I think perhaps my ds is part eel sometimes!

[WonderBoy]

Sorry for disappearing - just popping back to say yes of course, everyone above is absolutely welcome on the thread! If you are parenting a disabled child, feel There She Goes is relevant to your family, and come in peace, then you are assured a very warm welcome. Duty - and love! - calls, but carry on without me, and I'll be back later

[AamdC]

Of course hazey ds does have learning disabillities but sometimes its about how the disabillities affect our children too my friend has a child with autism and adhd no learning disabilities but she also has huge struggles due to his behaviour etc you learn as you go along i think ots never easy is it?

[AamdC]

I often say trying to get ds2 dressed is like trying to get a reluctant octopus dressed

[WonderBoy]

Some wonderful images being conjured up by pps!

part eel
a reluctant octopus
angry soapy tiger

Sure there are more to come!

[WonderBoy]

Yes, I think most parents with a child with severe autism would identify with There She Goes Aam, and would fit in just fine on this thread too.

it's never easy, is it?
No, it isn't. I think we notice more when things are easy or go well, because it's pretty rare!

[MumUnderTheMoon]

I am absolutely loving this series I have a brother with severe learning disability and my daughter has complex additional needs. Watched it with my mum during the first episode both of us were screaming at the dad to just take her bedroom door away. And I am absolutely on board with him just letting her leap about getting grubby in the rain. Things for our kids are often more intense so I am a great believer in making things easier wherever you can. I love the dark and twisted humour here I have often shared a less than pc giggle with my mum i can't wait to see what happens next.

[WonderBoy]

Sleepy and liv talk about Dad sloping off and shirking care, and I'd noticed this too. As it's based on his own family, I wonder how much the writer is being brutally honest about his own short-comings, and how much is poetic licence. Mum tries to do the same, and who can blame her, but not nearly as often and isn't as successful! It made me wonder how the relationship and caring responsibilities will pan out over the course of the series.

I suppose the reality is that in NT families the majority of child care reverts to mums, so why should it work out any different in families like ours? Because in families like ours it's just too much for mainly one person, that's why. For the same reason, although NT parents split up, it seems even worse when it happens in families like ours. It's perhaps more understandable because of the greater pressures, but it just seems worse, again to leave just one person to deal with it all.

I have always been very firm with DP about sharing the workload
DH would get an earful if he behaved like that
That's the spirit.

Dads in families like ours might feel hard done by and even discriminated against, but the reality is that it's less ok for them to suffer from P?ssed A?sehole Syndrome than NT Dads. Sorry guys.

[WonderBoy]

Welcome to the thread Mum

[WonderBoy]

Really glad you made it over, hazey. Such a pity about your thread, but these things happen and we're all amongst friends here. I hope you're having a better night, and congratulations on your special day. I'm imagining you, zonked out like two ageing rockers now, sorry!
for the morning.

[IntentsAndPorpoises]

My DD has ASD- what would have been called high functioning, but I hate that term. She might be verbal and look like she functions, but she has violent meltdowns and huge anxiety that means she really struggles. "I just think I'm looking out of a different window to everyone else, Mummy"- that's her interpretation!

I used to describe trying to get DD dressed as trying to wrestle an octopus into a string bag! She does dress herself now we have worked her sensory issues- only leggings and t-shirts allowed, but she will strip naked in a second, especially when trying to avoid going to school/leaving the house.

Me and DH do the "trying to avoid" thing sometimes. I know that I will purposely start cooking dinner so that then he will have to do bath/shower- which she will resit for hours and then once in refuse to get out. Sometimes we play tag- I come down, tag DH, you're it, it's your turn now!

[hazeyjane]

I'm imagining you, zonked out like two ageing rockers now, sorry

That was totally us - in bed by 10 with ds in between us! Just having second coffee of the day waiting for the poo nurse to call.

I think dh and I both do a bit of low level sloping off....I can take a loooong time cooking dinner (with music turned up loud) and we have the most well mowed lawn in the neighbourhood.

I do love the way they have portrayed the relationship with their son, I think that's why it narked me to see it called a crap childhood on the other thread.

I thought that about the bath too - ds can be very quick in endangering himself, we have an issue with him getying out of the house and running off down the road at the moment, just working out putting a second lock on the door!

[AamdC]

Ah the poo nurse , constipation team by any chance? Ds has chronic constipation he refuses all oral meds which doesnt help so i have a cupboard full of phosphate enemas and bispcody suppostories, if one more well meaning person asks if if i have tried prune juice......

[hazeyjane]

Yes chronic constipation and poor bowel function, ds can't poo without medication and we swing from nothing, to a Niagara falls of shit. He has just come out of nappies this year (he is 8) but still has lots of accidents and struggles at school and is awaiting more gastro investigations. We tried suppositories and enemas.....god we thought baths were bad, hospital agreed this was not an option. Poo nurse wanted to talk about night time dryness.....I said we didn't think we were quite there yet (massive under exaggeration!!)

[AamdC]

Im toilet training ds at present hes also eight , remarkably he is mainly dry at night its just day times

[AamdC]

I was a nurse so i give the enemas myself with ds paediatrician full agreement itsjust easier than going into hospital .