How do I explain to the school why DD14 with ASD can’t wear the school shop trousers

[DailyMailDontStealMyThread]

Received a lovely email from the head of year praising how well DD has settled into year 10.

She is using lots of new strategies and coping skills and we are very proud of all the effort she is putting in. It’s a massive turn around in the last 4 years which have included refusal to attend, leaving unauthorised, multiple exclusions and isolations, behaviour reports, I could go on.

The email ended with a but...

DD has a thing about clothes. Bottoms need to be tight and shirts need to be loose. She does wear the school tie as long as she can hide the top button being undone. She will only wear 1 type of white shirt because of the seams and she wears two sizes up so she can’t feel the armpit bit.

At home she wears next to nothing, prefers gym wear, wears the same outfits over and over again at the weekend - Lycra bottoms and vest top in all weathers. Prefers knickers and bra only so spends a lot of time in her room dressed that way.

The school’s “but” is they want DD to wear the uniform trousers from the uniform shop but they are a bit flared at the bottom and not very nice material (DD cuts all labels out of tops and bottoms)

I’ve tried to explain DD wont be able to cope with Loose trousers with rough seams on top of wearing the tie. It’s the wrong way round, she needs tight bottoms and loose top but they aren’t listening.

I’ve asked to meet face to face incase I’m not wording it very well over email but does anyone know where I’m coming from and can help me explain better please?

Explain she has sensory processing differences and labels, materials, shape and fit of clothes being "wrong" will just heighten he anxiety. Ask them if there is an advisory service in your authority - they will be able to confirm this is a "thing" and not an excuse to get out of wearing the uniform.
Other people they can speak to are National Autistic Society, or Contact (formerly Contact a Family), Autism Education Trust.

Thank you for helping

Would she able to tolerate trousers with lycra leggings underneath.

I’ve suggested that but because she knows the material is there, loose in her head it’s still a problem.

I thought that would be a good idea!

I would focus on her sensory processing difficulties regarding clothing and suggest that it would be a reasonable adjustment due to her condition to relax the uniform policy.

We are very lucky because my DS2 does not wear school uniform at all. No man-made fibres. The special school is very understanding.

DD is managing to cope ok in mainstream school after a long up hill battle

Everything is ok part from the trouser, material new issue.

We have a meeting early next week.

Thank you for the replies, really appreciate any help

The school is legally required to make "reasonable adjustments" to enable your child to access the learning environment in school. You need to use this specific phrase when dealing with them. This is a link to some information on this legislation https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/sites/default/files/reasonableadjustmentssfordisableddpupils_1.pdf

Mum that is really helpful, thank you!

I agree that your DD should be allowed to wear the sort of trousers she needs as a reasonable adjustment to the school uniform policy.

My DD (Y9) also has ASD and we asked the school to make a reasonable adjustment when she started in Y7 as she won’t wear skirts, but trousers weren’t part of the uniform for girls. The school allowed it. Just this year the school has brought in a specific style of trousers for girls - DD wouldn’t wear them - wrong sort of material, style, depth of pockets (!) etc. The school haven’t even asked DD to wear the regulation style! I think they know I’ll ask for a RA! Asked earlier this year as DD won’t wear her hair tied back all day.

TBH I’m amazed the school are making such an issue over this after your DD has overcome so many difficulties. Definitely time for a reminder that they need to make a reasonable adjustment after your DD has put so much effort into managing school.

Thank you all so much.

We have always worked well with the school, this is the first time I’ve thought about asking for reasonable adjustments.

It’s a pair of trousers! We have been through so much and DD has found her own way of dealing with it all so now they are focusing on dress code.

Sorry, my replies are slow, I’m on using an old iPad...

Thank you

If school are still being problematic, could you request OT involvement. There are OTs who specialise in sensory difficulties who could help argue your case. Even marks and Spencer’s have a school uniform range that recognises some of the difficulties students may have so you would hope school do too.

Is OT occupancy therapy?

If she won’t wear the school trousers, what is she wearing then?

OT is occupational therapy. One specialist area of this is sensory intergration and sensory processing difficulties. Many students with ASD have these challenges and often having a ‘professional’ arguing your case can be very effective,

Agree with other posters. Under the Equality Act 2010, the school has a legal duty to make "reasonable adjustments." for disabled students, which includes those with autism.

A reasonable adjustment would be the school allowing DD to wear her own trousers (and if the tie is also a problem) going without a tie. Not making reasonable adjustments can be construed as disability discrimination. When you meet with the school staff make sure you refer to the Equality Act, remind them of their legal duties under the Act and ask for reasonable adjustments.

Lots of useful information here:

www.autism.org.uk/about/in-education/resolving-disagreements/discrimination-gb.aspx

I’m so glad I posted

Ellie that is really helpful, thank you. There is so much to take in and all the information available feels too much at times.

We feel lucky with how supportive the school are. I don’t want to go in all guns blazing but the email said

“If x continues to wear non uniform trousers she will end up in isolation and detentions and I don’t want that”

I just feel like there is very little understanding behind DD “being good” in school, what that means for her and us at home. Her routine is so strict, down to every second , it’s draining for her. I feel like she has ticked their box so they are moving on to the next sanction. DD deserve some understanding.

Effic she is wearing straightleg heavy set material trousers they are a slim fit. The school ones are loose fit poly with an itchy seam with front pockets - apparently the gap between pocket and hip shouldn’t be there, the material isn’t heavy enough, the seam irritates, the material is itchy and too “not there” and they aren’t fitted enough.

This is the little girl who used to get dressed In the garden because clothes make her too hot, she has 12 school shirts but will only wear 3 of them, we stopped taking her out in the car for a long time because she would Houdini out of her car seat straps to strip her clothes off, she repeatedly stripped to her knickers in her reception assemblies.

She can’t help it and has come so far , ie keeps her clothes on in public these days

After reading your latest update OP, I am raging on your behalf!

It is unbelievable and absolutely outrageous that after all your DD has been through, the school are focusing on her wearing the school uniform trousers (which sound utterly vile) and threatening detentions and isolation if she does not conform. This is not acceptable.

I think you need to make it very clear that DD's sensory issues are very much part of her autism, and that you expect them to understand this and make reasonable adjustments accordingly. (My son hates anything tight fitting on his head. When he was at school he was allowed to swim without a swimming hat even though all the other students had to wear one.)

You could even print off the info from the links on here and highlight the relevant sections.

Let us know how your meeting goes!

Sounds like this school might need some autism awareness and/or disability awareness training.

Can you get a report from an occupational therapist who specialises in sensory processing difficulties? It could be helpful in other respects, e.g. if she has sensitivity to noise, smells, bright lights etc. The school is much more likely to accept the need for reasonable adjustments if you have professional evidence to support what you say.

Hmm, now you’ve posted what the school have threatened about detentions and isolation, I’d be tempted to respond with ‘if x school continues to fail to make a reasonable adjustment for DD’s disability they will end up at the SENDIST tribunal which I don’t want’.

I don’t suggest you actually write that at this stage, but that is how misguided the school’s position is.

(I have taken my DS’s school to SENDIST for failure to make RA - not uniform though.)

Coming from the opposite view point (and donning a hard hat), it's hard for staff who are trying to deal with parents with completely NT teenagers, who refuse to wear the right uniform, and those who have a genuine need. If you can supply a medical note to go on her file that identifies the clear medical need (which this is) then it overcomes the issue from schools perspective.
(backs away slowly....!)

SweeptheHalls - I think the fact that the OP’s DD has an ASD diagnosis is basis enough to ask for a reasonable adjustment.

Thank you again to everyone.

The meeting went well. I must be getting very old because the head of year looked young enough to be an apprentice! He was very complementary of DD and her “turn around”

He gave me the time to explain what DDs school “tick the box for conforming” meant for DD, the impact it has on her well being, our home life, expectations of how long DD will be able to function at such a high level and what support the school should be offering as the very basics.

It was a good opportunity to explain ASD for our DD to her head of year, I asked if he is offered any training, apparently, it is all “on the job” training.

Only point where my heckles raised was when he said other pupils and parents will ask teachers why DD can wear “what she wants” when they can’t.

Stock reply would surely be that’s not any of your concern but please ask the head of year if you feel the need to.

DD can continue to wear her trousers and I feel like I have had a chance to help her HOY understand her ways better and I only found the confidence through this thread.

Thank you

So glad to hear your meeting went well and you had the chance to explain how ASD affects your DD day to day - and the effect coping in school can have on your home life.

I agree that it is no one else’s business why your DD has had this reasonable adjustment made - and definitely not a reason not to make one!